A confusing situation with my friend

[Teacher Terry]

There is nothing more you can do. You are a good friend.

[Gardnr]

I have called. Martha isn't answering her phone. It just goes into voice mail.

Voicemails could be very supportive and meaningful to her. Bless you for staying in contact through her very difficult time. When Dad and then Mom were dying of their cancers is when I learned who my friends really were. Many walk away because it's not comfortable.

[Tradd]

Years ago when I was in college I was maid of honor to a friend from high school. She got pregnant soon after the wedding, but lost the baby at 5 months along in the pregnancy. I wrote the friend a letter (this was in the late 80s) when I heard about the miscarriage from her mom. Never had a response. Wrote another time or two, just saying I was thinking of her. I tried calling a few times, leaving a message, but I never heard from her again. Both her mom and sister called me multiple times, chewing me out for not being in touch with friend. I told them I’d written and called multiple times, but didn’t hear from friend at all. They told me she needed a visit from me. I was at college an hour away with no car and I was supposed to just drop everything to visit when friend hadn’t acknowledged my attempts to contact her? I just told them a visit wasn’t possible.

Friendship is a two way street. If you’ve reached out multiple times with no response, just leave it alone.

[Teacher Terry]

I have never deserted a friend. We have been there for people through terminal illness and until they died helping them with whatever was needed. We drove a hour each way once a week to visit a friend with Alzheimer’s for 1 1/2 years. However, if I was getting no response from someone I would let it go. Obviously my friend with alzheimers was a different story as she couldn’t reach out. Eventually she no longer knew us but we still went. People have their own reasons for not responding and if I kept getting no response I would feel like a pest to keep trying.

[frugalone]

I have never deserted a friend. We have been there for people through terminal illness and until they died helping them with whatever was needed. We drove a hour each way once a week to visit a friend with Alzheimer’s for 1 1/2 years. However, if I was getting no response from someone I would let it go. Obviously my friend with alzheimers was a different story as she couldn’t reach out. Eventually she no longer knew us but we still went. People have their own reasons for not responding and if I kept getting no response I would feel like a pest to keep trying.

I called one more time, last evening. That's as far as I'm going to go.

I don't want to be a pest. I have been asking myself, if it were my sister who were dying, how much would I want to hear from my friends? I'm not sure. When my dad was dying, I don't remember a lot of friend interaction.

[Gardnr]

I called one more time, last evening. That's as far as I'm going to go.

I don't want to be a pest. I have been asking myself, if it were my sister who were dying, how much would I want to hear from my friends? I'm not sure. When my dad was dying, I don't remember a lot of friend interaction.

When my Dad was dying and then 13y later my Mom, I was most grateful to those who continued to let me know they cared and were there for me. Texts and voicemails would not be a negative. I didn't always call back or respond, but it meant a great deal to me to have others reach out.