There was a thread somewhere a while back about wether or not people defined themselves by their jobs. I can’t find it. This is more about how people define you by the role you play in their lives. I’m thinking about it because I am about to become my d❤️Gs’s Teacher.
I have an uncle who sees himself as the patriarch of the family and still refers to my 51 y.o. Cousin, my brother, and me as “children”.
i stayed home to raise and homeschool my kids, and being their mom is still central to who I am. But I had an interesting conversation with my girls this weekend.
i was talking to dd1 about one of my classes, and she said “you know, it says something about this family that you’ve managed to hold down the same job for ten years and we still think of you as unemployed.” At which my younger Dd chimed in “I know, someone asked me the other day ‘is your mom in a creative field?’ and I was like ‘no, she’s a home...oh wait, yeah. She teaches pottery.’ Do you have an art degree?”
uh, no. I have a degree in early childhood education, psych minor. But thanks for remembering I went to college?
one of the reasons I desperately wanted to get away from my home town was that everyone defined me as the granddaughter of one of my two grandfathers - depending on what social circle I was in. All of my teachers “knew” me before they ever met me. I wore priveledge like a straightjacket and despised all my “peers” for using it. And when I found my own place, I have followed my father’s lead “I will help your (school, organization, program...) on the condition that I get no formal title or role and my name appears nowhere.” There have actually been occasions in 4h where I have lied about my identity or roll. In one case I did some emergency repairs and later was asked about them by someone who knew i’d been around. Later that day a dad friend who is known for his willingness to pitch in asked me if I had done it, and when I confessed he said “I figured. Some lady just thanked me.”
I won a student presented award two years ago. It made me feel really good that the students chose me, but actually receiving the award was very uncomfortable. I’d love to be nominated again, but I never want to win another one! In fact, I was told I was nominated (but not chosen) this year and I told the teacher in charge “that’s great! If I ever come up again, could you just encourage them to pick someone else because I already won?” (Which was the argument this year apparently).
In general, I find other people’s expectations very uncomfortable, and I kind of like that my kids forget I have a job. “Mom” is really the only role I want defining me. Even “wife” doesn’t fit well, and “partner” and “lover” have their own implications....
what are your roles? How do you feel about them and how do they impact your life?
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Originally Posted by Chicken lady
. Behind my back they probably define me the same way I define myself (see above). I think what I've given them is more in the intangible department.. I'm not a good housekeeper, and I'm a very ok-at-best cook, so they aren't going to look back on any Mom-as-Martha-Stewart memories.
