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Thread: How relationships define you

  1. #21
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    Yes! That is the sort of thing I am thinking about. Harlan sees you as his human. That is it. Harlan doesn’t care what you do to provide dog food. When you are gone, it only matters that you are gone, not if it is work or the library, or a date or the store... Harlan has certain expectations specifically of you, because of the role you play in his life and his expectation is that you will be eternally (as far as a dog can imagine) true to that role.

    It is a comfortable and important role for you, and you and Harlan are in agreement about what it entails, and so you shape your life around being a good human for Harlan.

    i think when people have such strong images of us, we have to shape ourselves in either cooperation or opposition. We can’t simply ignore the expectation without distancing ourselves from the expecter.

    (pastor’s wife is certainly one of those as well.)

    there are are things I do for my kids that my kids take for granted, which I see as a sign that I am doing what I wish to do successfully. When I do those sort of things for my d❤️D, she says “thank you”, which always causes me to look confused and say “of course.” Instead of “you’re welcome.”

  2. #22
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    My step son is more grateful for what I do for him than my kids.

  3. #23
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    Since I was single most of my life (more or less) my relationship does not define me, but it's rewarding mostly (sometimes I'm grumbling about it - normal I think). Truthfully a particular job role does not define me. It's why I really could do something else with a certain amount of indifference as to what (some practical complications there). Now the ability to work and support myself kinda does define me.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  4. #24
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Harlan is my dog; I am Harlan's human. I think that defines me in a big way.
    I can respect that. Elvis isn't my dog, I'm not his human, but we are each other's pack. Working scent hounds have an odd view of the universe, but it's a laid-back one I enjoy.

  5. #25
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    I don’t know if anyone else has thought about this but I realize I am kinder in real life than I am online and I don’t like that. Is there something about being anonymous that contributes to this? What do you all think?

  6. #26
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    I don’t know if anyone else has thought about this but I realize I am kinder in real life than I am online and I don’t like that. Is there something about being anonymous that contributes to this? What do you all think?
    If you all were dogs maybe we would all be kinder to each other or maybe not. Maybe we would bite each other.

  7. #27
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    IL, too funny!

  8. #28
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    I am nicer online. I can see my words and think about them before I “say” them.

    also, real people annoy me.

  9. #29
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I am nicer online. I can see my words and think about them before I “say” them.

    also, real people annoy me.
    Had to chuckle at this because it is true of me as well, sort of. I can more easily simply ignore posts that I disagree with or find unacceptable in some way, filter my words online.
    When real people do,IMO, inappropriate things, it is harder to not be judgemental and react. Having said that, I find that most people quite enjoyable but I need an escape hatch to move on and out of the situation. That is a lesson that I had to learn the very hard way.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  10. #30
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    I think i am seen as mom to everyone, my kids and their friends and the staff i work with. I make sure my staff has coats on, i make hats for their friends, and my own kids have a fierce mom.

    In other places I am the spiritual one, that is coming back more and more. I run the meditation group, give advice, talk about spiritual stuff and do a lot if meditating. I also have random moments of wisdom.

    Sometimes I am also the rebel, unstable, creative, and argumentative. The kinda crap employee, one who has trouble following orders, and no one is surprised when I disclose my brain illness. One who also gets an idea and spends days creating it out of nothing, then bounces the rent check.

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