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Thread: Positive reframe

  1. #11
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I didn't realize she was feeling deprived of any of those things, but maybe the attachment lingered. Thanks for your viewpoint.
    I “quit” smoking 30 years ago. Hand me a cigarette and I will smoke it.yeah, I occasionally smoke, it is still fun.

  2. #12
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    My mom is 92 and used to smoke occasionally with my husband, 20 years ago. She is still trying to bum a smoke from him, from the nursing home.

  3. #13
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I “quit” smoking 30 years ago. Hand me a cigarette and I will smoke it.yeah, I occasionally smoke, it is still fun.
    I quit about forty years ago--it took multiple tries--and never looked back. My SO used to insist I must miss it (he was smoking/vaping until the last), but I didn't. I'm famous for being all gung ho about something, and then suddenly, not.

  4. #14
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    Oh no, i guess i didnt explain very well. I dont miss any of these things, i just hear negatives which to me intereupts making connections with people. Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel.

    Now i am not going to tell people who eat meat or drink alcohol these things! That sounds 'veggier than thou'. I can say more if the opportunity is there but overall i am not concerned with others. I like the term plant based diet and sober that are used more. And restaurants are so much easier! Still my family awkwardly accepts this, just a few weeks ago i heard that veggies must starve to death, and i love my food.

    I hope that is more clear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel. I hope that is more clear.
    I'm not convinced that vegetarians are more hated than athiests. I do however think that PITA makes it feel so. I've never personally met a vegetarian who spewed anger at those of us who eat animal products but I do know they are out there. Athiests, I simply don't understand. Then again, they don't understand me either so perhaps we're even.

  6. #16
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I don't think anyone would mind vegetarians if there weren't a subset of angry militant vegans (the kind that assaulted Lierre Keith, for example) afoot. I was vegetarian for about six years, and I hope I never came across that way. Militant atheists are not quite as bad-but close--with their incessant disdain for any hint of faith. As an ex-smoker, ex-vegetarian, lifelong agnostic, and pint-a-year brandy drinker, I'm a firm believer in tolerance and forbearance. Which means no proselytizing.

  7. #17
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Oh no, i guess i didnt explain very well. I dont miss any of these things, i just hear negatives which to me intereupts making connections with people. Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel.

    Now i am not going to tell people who eat meat or drink alcohol these things! That sounds 'veggier than thou'. I can say more if the opportunity is there but overall i am not concerned with others. I like the term plant based diet and sober that are used more. And restaurants are so much easier! Still my family awkwardly accepts this, just a few weeks ago i heard that veggies must starve to death, and i love my food.

    I hope that is more clear.
    It is not more clear.

    you say you “are not going to tell people who eat meat...” these things. so, circling back to the central question put out by others here, WHO is the target of your reframing thoughts? It must be you, right? If not someone else, who could it possibly besides you?

    But if you are not unhappy with your non-meat eating activity, why reframe any thoughts?

  8. #18
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Maybe I was lucky--or oblivious--but no one ever gave me grief for any of my choices, and I returned the favor. Maybe that's the point.
    Perhaps you give off a whiff of holier-than-thou that people are responding to?

  9. #19
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    Maybe I was lucky--or oblivious--but no one ever gave me grief for any of my choices, and I returned the favor. Maybe that's the point.
    Perhaps you give off a whiff of holier-than-thou that people are responding to?
    Jane, we could be truth friends. I think we have the same level of self confidence and do not hear any mutterings by others about our behaviors. What is that saying, something like:

    At age 20 I acted like others wanted me to act
    At age 40 I acted regardless of how I thought others wanted me to act
    At Age 60 I realized no one was watching me act at all

    I read on various web sites about younger women who feel persecuted by those who nag them about not having children. Me—never felt that way. I never took the occasional question about our childless status as judgement. I deliberately do not not use “child-free” lingo because it is unnecessary when our language already has a perfectly good word, “childless.”

  10. #20
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Yes--the freedom that comes with invisibility.

    Some people seem more susceptible to herd mentality/disapproval than others.

    I avoided flak for not having children by avoiding marriage. Probably, everybody thought I was doing the world a favor by not reproducing. But, like you, I didn't care, and people seemingly respected my decision.

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