Etiquette question??

[catherine]

I had no clue that was a etiquette rule. When we go out with friends it’s understood everyone is paying their own unless someone says they are treating.

This is a little different in that in this case there were two people who work together vs me. P__ definitely would not have paid for herself. So that left me. And in business, people don't typically sit there nickel and diming the check. I think the question for me was, should I have made the gesture and said, can I pay for my own meal, and then I would have rounded up what I figured my part would be and offered it to him.

But I'm now satisfied with my offer of the next dinner.

[Teacher Terry]

When you work for the government you do). But then no one had a expense account. We would get reimbursed for meals up to a certain amount which barely paid for one meal.

[shadowmoss]

I have potentially made a worse etiquette error. I have invited a couple of good friends to go out to dinner with me to celebrate my birthday next week. I intended that we each pay for our own meals, as this is a bit more expensive place than I would 'ask' to go if being treated. I am planning on saying I'll pay for my check, and silently wish I had the money to pay for theirs as well. Heck I may just pay for it all and consider it my Christmas splurge. This couple have helped me in many ways over the past few years, and I certainly don't want them to feel like I expect them to pay for my meal that I asked them to and picked the place... Ok, made up my mind that I'm paying for us all. Not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, except as you say, at 2am when the old tapes play in my head.

[Tybee]

Shadowmoss, that is a great idea, to just pay for everyone. They might not have the money to pay for the more expensive meal, so your solution is very thoughtful. Which is the point of etiquette, really!

[Gardnr]

Dad taught me this: When you ask people out, you intend to and should pay. When other's ask you out, have enough $ in your pocket to pay just in case it appears it is not their intention.

A heartfelt thank you is all you owed IMO and I believe you did that

You could ping him in the next week and say "so great catching up. Next time you're in town I would love to treat you to my fave place". Choose a fun dive you love and can afford for the treat.

[goldensmom]

Dad taught me this: When you ask people out, you intend to and should pay. When other's ask you out, have enough $ in your pocket to pay just in case it appears it is not their intention.

A heartfelt thank you is all you owed IMO and I believe you did that

You could ping him in the next week and say "so great catching up. Next time you're in town I would love to treat you to my fave place". Choose a fun dive you love and can afford for the treat.

My parents taught me the same. If you invite someone out to whatever the activity, expect to pay for the both of you. Also, if you get something for yourself always ask the person with you if they want anything and then pay for all of it. Example, if you and a friend stop at a convenience store and you get coffee, ask the person with you if they want coffee and the pay for it. Although…...one time I took my little brother to McDonalds and he kept ordering and ordering until I had to remind him that there is a tomorrow but then he was my brother so I could do that.

[catherine]

Although…...one time I took my little brother to McDonalds and he kept ordering and ordering until I had to remind him that there is a tomorrow but then he was my brother so I could do that.

Well, I hate to pick on BIL, but he is notorious for that. If he knows we are paying he orders the most expensive thing on the menu. I think I've told this story before, but one time we took him to an expensive steak house for his birthday (long story--there was a reason for picking that restaurant having to do with a commitment we had to our DD). He ordered the "porterhouse for two"--for himself. $92. And to rub salt in the wound he took home a doggie bag--for his DOG!

And it's not as if we sit there and suffer in silence. DH will joke about him when he's present--telling people, "Don't ask my brother out to eat because he'll look for the most expensive thing and order that." And everyone will laugh, thinking DH is joking, yet BIL doesn't seem to take the hint. Needless to say, we don't invite him to dinner much.

[Teacher Terry]

Catherine, I would never take him out. How totally rude what he did. When someone asks if I want to go to dinner I always expect to pay for myself unless they say my treat. I find it odd that some people feel they must pay if they ask someone out.

[shadowmoss]

My situation is a bit tricky in that we go out several times during the winter (we are snowbirds) and always each pay. Also, the gentleman is a Southern Gentleman, and so I'm thinking they will offer to pay as I mentioned it is my birthday celebration (I want to celebrate with them as they are good friends). I'll play it by ear... I will take any opportunity to pay.

A funny story about some other friends. As snowbirds, eating out with friends is pretty much a common activity when we are all in the same area. One friend always wanted to pick up the tab, and he had more than enough money to do so. When it was just us I just went along with it. When we went with another group, he and the male in that group always had to argue about which of them was going to pay. For my friend's birthday we all went out to eat. I told the waitress early on that I was paying. When the guys started arguing toward the end of the meal they looked up as the waitress was having me sign the check i'd just paid. The look on their faces was great. I enjoy paying when I can.

[iris lilies]

Well, I hate to pick on BIL, but he is notorious for that. If he knows we are paying he orders the most expensive thing on the menu. I think I've told this story before, but one time we took him to an expensive steak house for his birthday (long story--there was a reason for picking that restaurant having to do with a commitment we had to our DD). He ordered the "porterhouse for two"--for himself. $92. And to rub salt in the wound he took home a doggie bag--for his DOG!

And it's not as if we sit there and suffer in silence. DH will joke about him when he's present--telling people, "Don't ask my brother out to eat because he'll look for the most expensive thing and order that." And everyone will laugh, thinking DH is joking, yet BIL doesn't seem to take the hint. Needless to say, we don't invite him to dinner much.

Your BIL has a social disability, thats for sure.