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Thread: Lack of family and friendships/relationships

  1. #1
    Junior Member beach pointe's Avatar
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    Lack of family and friendships/relationships

    Hello all,
    I cannot remember the last time I was on here. I tried to find my last post, and I couldn't....I'm guessing it was nearly a year ago. I'm posting in Family Matters & Relationships, although my post is about a lack of family and relationships in general. Now that I think about it, I believe my last post is similar to this one I'm about to post! Unfortunately....
    2 days ago, it was my 42nd birthday. After the past few birthdays being alone, having no real friends, and no family in the province, I was at home alone. This birthday on this past Friday was exactly the same. I booked it off work back in September after seeing my birthday fell on a Friday, I was so excited because I was just starting to see someone and he acknowledged my birthday by booking it off his work. Fast forward...that relationship didn't work out, so my plans were cancelled. Friday morning I was so excited as I had plans to meet up with a new girlfriend for coffee, and I woke up to a text from her that she had been up all night with a migraine, throwing up. So, my birthday (once again), was spent alone, at home, and not able to quickly find or create any other plans to celebrate.
    Today, I taught my first paid yoga class, after looking for a yoga teaching job for 6 months (I also have a full-time job). I obtained my yoga teaching certificate in June, and am only teaching now...when I became certified, the only person that acknowledged my accomplishment was my elderly father, and I told my family (all outside the province) that I was teaching Sundays starting today...and just as I guessed, no one has e-mailed me to ask me how the class went. What's that saying? "Accomplishing something is only an endpoint without someone to share it with." That is the theme to my life the past few years. I accomplished something I've been wanting to do for 10 years, and my father says, from afar, "Great job!". I'm used to having at least 2 close friends to turn to, to talk to, and share accomplishments as well as low points. Having literally no one to go for a coffee or a walk with is excruciatingly painful, and lonely. It's not for a lack of trying....but I don't want to get into that because I've tried to make friends so much that I'm exhausted and want to give up.
    I don't know if I'm feeling sorry for myself, or just plain depressed (well, this I know for sure), but I have no one else to share this with so that is why I'm here! I'm sorry I don't have anything positive and uplifting to share... Has anyone else experienced what I am experiencing now? And if so, how did you deal with it?
    "...Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people's demands. We have learned to live by other people's points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else."
    - Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements (A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom)

  2. #2
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    I would do some volunteer work or join some group with common interests. Everyone needs friends.

  3. #3
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    I would do some volunteer work or join some group with common interests. Everyone needs friends.
    Yes, that's what I was thinking, too. Volunteer work can a great social outlet. And keep coming back here. We're pretty friendly
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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    I hear you. "It's not for lack of trying."

    Your simple living friends have already made a couple of suggestions, I see.

    I would chime in with a suggestion to "Try something different this time." Sometimes we fail to connect compassionately with ourselves or empathically with others, and therefore we become isolated and depressed. In my view, the real great expert on this is the late Marshall B. Rosenberg. He wrote books on Non Violent Communication. There are NVC practice groups here and there. I would imagine BC has a few. But even without a group approach, I could recommend Rosenberg's books and YouTube videos.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    Do they have Meet Up in your area? Hopefully you can establish something through your yoga class.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    My group of friends expanded greatly once I took up scuba diving. Try something for a common interest.

  7. #7
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    Self reliance, like the pioneers. When your not living around a support structure and have distanced yourself from it, it naturally tends to distance itself back. (I do not do social media, and my closest friends moved more then 20 years ago, heck to even communicate with their sibling who has been a stalking victim, they require FB communication).
    It also doesn't help when your at far different ends of the financial spectrum. I have another friend who is a decamillionaire and travels all over the place.
    Another aspect for me has always been being at different points in life. My friends were an average of four years older then me and that is far enough apart that while they all celebrated birthdays such as 21, since I was both younger and not a drinker, when mine came around, happy birthday, wasn't even a thought. They started families, and were freaked when I being younger, was the second homeowner of the group.

    So keep yourself active and realize your asking others to live their lifes filling your demands,"
    "...Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people's demands. We have learned to live by other people's points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else."
    - Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements (A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom)"




  8. #8
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    I think statistics show it is pretty hard to make friends after a certain age (that is like one's 20s). I don't believe it's impossible or anything, just saying you may not be alone there in having difficulty.

    There isn't much new suggestions really. Meetups tend to meet irregularly and since they raised fees at least a certain amount of them are just someone trying to make money, but you can see what is out there. Also support groups (at least these tend to meet more regularly then meetup), maybe something like toastmasters (also meets regularly).

    There are women's friendship "personals", like personals but same sex and platonic (they really are platonic and just for friendship). But I have not been impressed with them (I don't get contacted and those I contact don't seem to answer when I tried it), but could be tried. I met my bf through regular non-platonic personals, but that's different.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  9. #9
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
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    As well as teaching yoga are you attending any other yoga classes? Its easier to make friends with classmates than with students.
    I tend to be a loner and don't mind celebrating alone. In fact for my birthday I prefer to be alone. I go off on usually a 3 day trip by myself. I work on my inner being and make some goals. On my goal list this year one item will actually be to try to make a few friends. I live in an area where people tend to move away so friendships are always revolving. I'm considering a yoga or zumba class or something to put me around more women.
    Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.

  10. #10
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    When I moved across the country at 44 by myself it took time to make friends. I joined a church that was spiritual instead of religious. For instance they meditated instead of prayed. I met a whole group of friends that were newly divorced and we all became good friends.

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