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Thread: Distorted Thinking: Black and White

  1. #11
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    A good pair of headphones might do the trick--unless he thinks he's entertaining the neighborhood.
    And you could invest in a pair of noise canceling earplugs, or even some foam ones, which would at least reduce the irritation factor.
    Jane, that's a great solution, but feeds into my typically passive-aggressive nature, which I'm trying to improve on. I could see myself stuffing my ears with the headphones and BIL would say, "Oh, you got headphones?" and I'd have to say "Yeah, your music is kind of loud, so I got the headphones to mitigate it. Don't worry though! Play the music as loud as you want!"

    That's the kind of behavior (in myself) I want to avoid. So, instead, I'll just unload on you guys.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  2. #12
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    I'm with IL. If the neighbors aren't complaining (you might want to ask a couple of them just to be sure) then let it go. I can guess that, soon enough, even in NJ, there will be weather cold enough that BiL won't want to be outside for any elective reason.

    I have dealt in the past with "binary thinkers" like BiL. The best compromise I could arrive at with such people is to mention several possible solutions to the issue when I mention it (any of which I would find acceptable if not optimal) and let the other person choose their reaction. You're in a tough spot here but it's not for forever so I don't know as I'd put lots of energy into figuring out how to live with him.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  3. #13
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Jane, that's a great solution, but feeds into my typically passive-aggressive nature, which I'm trying to improve on. I could see myself stuffing my ears with the headphones and BIL would say, "Oh, you got headphones?" and I'd have to say "Yeah, your music is kind of loud, so I got the headphones to mitigate it. Don't worry though! Play the music as loud as you want!"

    That's the kind of behavior (in myself) I want to avoid. So, instead, I'll just unload on you guys.
    The earphones would be for him.
    If you're the only one bothered by the noise, some kind of earplug would mitigate it a bit. I've been known to pull out earplugs at a noisy restaurant.

  4. #14
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    I like this idea, Jane! He can go as loud as he wants. A pair of wireless Bose sound cancelling earphones would be wonderful if he wants to crank it up.
    I wonder if he is losing his hearing? Just a thought.

  5. #15
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    Also is there a way to mark his device to indicate don't move it past number x on the noise level? (I know I'm thinking of old fashioned radios with dials, but I think you know what I mean). And I agree with his using headphones to listen. Common courtesy.

  6. #16
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    Catherine, I think you have passive aggressive all wrong. P/A is when you call the cops, lol.

  7. #17
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    The earphones would be for him.
    If you're the only one bothered by the noise, some kind of earplug would mitigate it a bit. I've been known to pull out earplugs at a noisy restaurant.
    Oh, duh. I actually asked Dh about that and he feels BIL wouldn't use them. He doesn't have them now, and again, he'd simply interpret the suggestion as a demand that he never play the music.

    Tybee, haha! Yeah, I could do the call the cops thing as an "anonymous neighbor" but I'm not THAT passive aggressive!

    Anyway, I'm not crabby anymore. I was just craving some alone time, which you never get with a houseful at Christmastime. But yesterday DS left for VT, and DD/SO went to see my other DS for the afternoon, so I got 4 hours of badly needed downtime. Happy camper again!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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