Officially annoyed with friend

[Tybee]

Yes, it is. I know most folks will think that is insane, but it might provide him a way to be independent but still around family.

I don't know if he could afford it, of course.

ETA: My thought is he could rent out to a roommate, to help him with expenses, as it is 2 bedrooms.

[iris lilies]

We can float all kinds of ideas, but until it is clear what boundaries Catherine’s husband will draw in his relationship with his brother, it’s a waste of breath.

[catherine]

Thanks, Tybee, but he has expressed no interest in moving to VT (too cold--not enough sun). Surely, if he were out on his own and ran into a financial crisis, he'd move up there in a heartbeat if it made his life easier. That mobile home is great, but I still think he's better off where he can find year-round employment at a golf course. It's what he's done for years, and at least he'd get tips.

[silly moo]

She lives fairly far away, like 45 minutes, and comes to my area on a regular basis. We have met for writing dates in an in between area and she is very considerate about my time. However she also never comes to my place. She has been visiting her dad close to me every Saturday but has never taken me on the offer to come to tea. So it rather balances out. But today she had a dentist appointment very close to me, and she said she was going to call, then a couple hours later I texted her and she had gone home but invited me over. No reference to our plans. I passed on going all the way up to her house.

This paragraph would lead me to think that she is very uncomfortable at your place. She might be exhausted from visiting her father and was in pain from the dentist, but I would assume she didn't want to be at you place if she is willing to meet somewhere else and not specifically at your home. Have you asked her why she won't come to tea?

[Tradd]

Zoe Girl rents a room. I'm thinking that perhaps that is why friend doesn't want to come to her place for tea.

[Zoe Girl]

Zoe Girl rents a room. I'm thinking that perhaps that is why friend doesn't want to come to her place for tea.

We actually both have roommate situations. This has actually been going on for awhile, I used to stop by her place because it was close to work and she was recovering from surgery. I had a nice apartment but she really never came over. However she also didn't say she would. Same with the visits to her father, she made vague suggestions about calling me but didn't. I honestly don't have a problem with that although I really like it when people come over to my place. It is obvious she is not comfortable in many places besides her own place, so I will just stop believing she will call when she says she will.

[Tybee]

We actually both have roommate situations. This has actually been going on for awhile, I used to stop by her place because it was close to work and she was recovering from surgery. I had a nice apartment but she really never came over. However she also didn't say she would. Same with the visits to her father, she made vague suggestions about calling me but didn't. I honestly don't have a problem with that although I really like it when people come over to my place. It is obvious she is not comfortable in many places besides her own place, so I will just stop believing she will call when she says she will.

If she is not comfortable in many places outside of her own place, she may well have an anxiety disorder. Lots of people do. Another reason not to let her be, and not to expect the friendship will go as you want it to--sounds like she struggles with social expectations.

[Zoe Girl]

[QUOTE=Tybee;319855--sounds like she struggles with social expectations.[/QUOTE]

Hmm, I like the way you put that. She has not lived with other people as an adult as far as I can tell. She has a high need to have things a very specific way, but she is not very aware that others also would like to have things the way they are comfortable. I definitely gave this a lot of space when she was recovering from back surgery. I know she still deals with pain so we often have to change or cancel plans. It took a long time to get annoyed, realize that I have some needs here too. I set up my life so I get out of the house every day, if I can't be around a person then I go to nature. So anyway shifting my expectations,