Finally really looking for a new job

[Tradd]

Tradd, just a thought. You have the skills, the experience and the history. Rather than a new job, have you considered getting some advice on how to approach such a situation to turn it around. I ask because I didn't think of doing this when I was in a challenging situation. Looking back, some skill development on how to retake control of my work setting would have made a big difference.

Bullies can be managed but most people have not developed the skills to do so. It is a learnable skill. The company is benefiting from your knowledge, experience and expertise. You have powerful bargaining power. Please think about this and seek a mentor who can advise you on the optional approaches open to you in the current work setting.

Razz, it’s a thought, but the problem is that stuff started going south majorly after someone was brought in from the outside to be the branch manager and so my manager and supervisor didn’t get promoted. The 2 other people who have been here about two years all noticed they got awful around that time.

They’re still pissed about it. I’ll do some thinking about it. Thanks.

[Float On]

So sorry.
Every time I'm in a big box store I often wonder if you had anything to do with getting it to our shelves. When we notice shortages we can figure that you finally had enough.

[ApatheticNoMore]

My prior workplace situation was bullying (as I've posted about). I often felt like I was being framed. I just thought "this is the craziest thing it's like I'm being framed... I've never felt this way in a workplace before EVEN WITH another bully at another workplace. Or if not being framed .... it's like I'm being HAZED, but with a hazing that doesn't end ... aren't hazings supposed to end and you prove your mettle at some point?"

I'd get accused of making errors that the accuser themselves had made, I'd investigate if I had indeed made an error and forgot about it, and when it turned out no (it was provable by source control, by email trails), I'd deep breath whew how to handle this and point out the simple fact it was not me. I'd be given nearly impossible deadlines for which I needed the bully to answer questions because I was newer and did not know stuff. The refused to answer any questions (again being framed), I'd come up with innovative ways to meet the deadlines and get answers anyway. I met impossible deadline after impossible deadline that I was sure was the end of me. I'd celebrate every month "i've made it another month!" (uh this is how you know you are in trouble). Since everything I did seemed to anger them (I could do no right) I tried very hard to read minds and figure out what they wanted and always managed to piss them off anyway. And then I made a medium size mistake and got fired.

I went to the gym when I had that job, and it made me resilient, lifting them weights, I laughed off the crazy to a degree while I was there (I work with lunatics - ha ha ha! ). But the joke was on me in the end, as I paid the price (for having ever took that job even), not them.

At this point, things are so bad that I might end up getting fired before I find something else, but if I don't find anything, I'll ride this pony as long as I can for the money.

you choice, I was trying to stay a year etc, as firing had come to seem inevitable, but frankly I ended up regretting not quitting, and not mostly for pride. I got unemployment and I wouldn't if I quit (and unemployment was very welcome), but I also got badly emotionally damaged, I didn't do as well on interviews because I was scared of jobs (scared of abuse is the truth), I had to explain how I lost my last job (and it never sounds good to have been "let go"), and fill out endless job applications that ask if you've ever lost a job involuntarily (why yes I have!).

Oh that sounds terrible and familiar. And it sucks. You seem to have your head about you pretty well, and a good idea that it won't solve it if you do understand what is happening. What is so freakin' wrong with people! Explaining that something is impossible makes no difference, I have literally been in that conversation. Hard to believe if you haven't lived it. It seems like there are very few good workplaces,

The problem is people with full blown personality disorders, narcissism, sociopathy, stuff on that level, are still employed and one might be working with them ... This isn't discussed much but ...

Even if they fire you, you can most likely collect unemployment so long as you don't have attendance issues and do not commit any crimes like assaulting another employee or embezzling money. Good luck with your search.

that's right, but a few companies are very sleazy and fight it (how far they get with that might depend on the state). I think my last company was actually too disorganized to even bother fighting it.

Tradd, just a thought. You have the skills, the experience and the history. Rather than a new job, have you considered getting some advice on how to approach such a situation to turn it around. I ask because I didn't think of doing this when I was in a challenging situation. Looking back, some skill development on how to retake control of my work setting would have made a big difference.

Bullies can be managed but most people have not developed the skills to do so. It is a learnable skill. The company is benefiting from your knowledge, experience and expertise. You have powerful bargaining power. Please think about this and seek a mentor who can advise you on the optional approaches open to you in the current work setting.

this is true, but I'd still get out! But stuff like this might be used to manage the bullies *until* you get out if you wish to try not to get fired (and you should try to not get fired).

My bully seemed of the narcissistic type, so being more friendly and giving the narcissistic supplies, praising a haircut, apologizing profusely for errors, catering to their whims, might have helped. They wanted to be *special*. I didn't play that narcissist like a violin, I just tried to just do my work as best as I could imagining that might save my job, and that was not the tack to take. Not sure if your bullies are narcissist or something else, so you'll have to figure out what might work for them.

[Zoe Girl]

Oh ANM I can relate. I just had memories of my old workplace at 3 am. The impact and recovery is truly hard, I was told I had workplace PTSD. Like you I just tried harder and harder to do a good job. At the end they were really mad I didnt do a parent sign while dropping off a disabled child with no paperwork. I doubt there was anything I could have done, and being conscientious was probably part of the reason I was targeted. It sounds like you were in the situation.

Tradd, leaving before they fire you is something you really have to consider. As ANM shared there is an impact to being fired. There is also the impact of the damage of staying while it gets worse. At some point you either make a mistake due to the stress or are put in an impossible situation where they can claim you made a mistake. You sound like a very capable and strong person, but I also think they can still do what they want sooner or later. Basically prepare for the worst with your career and finances.

Wow wasn't that cheerful! The good news is that I think sometimes the more responsible and capable people are targeted. So in another setting you will excel like you have in the past.

[Tradd]

Yesterday was interesting. I full expected to get pulled into the manager’s office and raked over the coals for not staying to help the Golden Girl on Friday. Not a damned word. And because no one was stressing me out on stuff, I was able to get a fair bit done as I’m still trying to get caught up from last week.

A lot of other businesses are going to be closed tomorrow and Thursday due to the record breaking cold. I’m sure we will be open.

[sweetana3]

They had a full weekend to think over what happened and either decide it was not necessary to rehash or that it was forgotten. Or maybe, just maybe, the powers that be decided that the request was not "right". Of course, no one will ever apologize.

[Tradd]

Of course, they will never apologize! They’ve already proven that’s their way in previous situations. Manager will be out visiting customers today so that will be nice to not have her around. We’ll see if the supervisor turns into a petty dictator.

[Tradd]

I forgot to provide some background on the the Golden Girl. Somewhere in her early 30s. Came to the US about 10 years ago from a former Soviet Bloc country. She is the epitome of the entitled Millennial. A bunch of coworkers went to an airline Christmas party. She couldn't go because a friend was having a birthday party. One of the other coworkers won plane tickets to Hawaii. When the Golden Girl found out the next day, she flew into a tizzy saying "You won MY tickets." She was stuck on this for days.

She always bitches she doesn't have enough vacation time and that people back in her home country get at least 4 weeks off every year. Her family was much more comfortable than the norm, from what she's said. I've had to bite my tongue to not ask her why she hasn't gone back, if it's so great. I get 4 weeks a year, between vacation time and personal days. But I've been there for over 12 years and she's barely over a year. Last year she kept asking if she could have the time I didn't take (which as close to 2 weeks). That's not allowed at our company. She takes her time all at once and then complains that it's all gone.

She's also said she wished she could make what I do. Mind you, we don't talk about salaries at all, but it's pretty obvious I make more than anyone else except supervisor and manager, due to experience, seniority, and my brokers license. She doesn't want to put the time in to get experience. She thinks she should make more because she wants it. Her amount of inexperience is very clear from the questions she asks. She'll sometimes ask how I know something and the response is I've been doing this a long time. She doesn't get it.

Her husband is an immigrant from the same country and his mother is also in the US. Mother in law lives with Golden Girl, her husband, and preschooler. Husband travels a lot for his job. MIL, until very recently, would take preschooler to daycare in the morning. Golden Girl picked him up after work. Well, MIL got a different job and can't take the kid to daycare anymore. Golden Girl was going on about it like it was the end of the world, as she has to do it now. I told her, "Welcome to what everyone else has to do."

High strung is the most polite way of describing her. I once described someone else as that, and she said that she was that herself. I told her that she said it, not me.

[Tradd]

Update -

I was contacted by a corporate HR person for a big company in my field in my area. All they told me was that it involved brokerage. Would not provide a job description. I’ve been asking for 3 days. Position is also not posted on their website.

Annoying.

[Tradd]

I was contacted again by the same person asking me to make an appt for a phone interview. And they still won’t give me any details about the position. Feels like they’re jerking me around. I don’t like that.