While I agree that it is about condolences after his brother's passing, I also heard the sadness being felt and thought that should be addressed. I suggest that is the reason for a letter that will give the OP some peace of mind. As others have posted, do what is right for you to feel comfortable with your own perception of the situation. Try to find a way of simply letting it go. Having regret and sadness will keep the relationship prolonged in your thoughts. All that any of us can do, IMHO, is wish others peace and comfort that meets their needs. If your half brother simply tosses your letter aside, so be it. That is his choice but the family and, more importantly, you, will know that you have done all that one can do and then simply let it go.

Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
I don’t see that the OP is asking in any way about reconciling with the dying brother.

The question at hand is HOW or IF to offer condolences to his family when he is gone. OP, since this is an issue in front of your thinking, that tells me that you would like to take some action. You could write to his wife a condolence card that covers these points:

1. You know that his death is a big loss for his family and they are missing him, and you are sorry for their grief and sadness
2. You are sad to have missed out on a good relationship with him –

These are sincere expressions and you don’t have to lie about how you didn’t like him or think he’s a creep, You don’t have to mention what a jerk he was at all.

Add in closing

3.You will be thinking about them in the days ahead as they work through their grief in his absence… Blah blah blah…


This letter is true to you, but also communicates with his wife.

you are under no obligation to make nice with him while he is still alive if you do not want to do that.