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Thread: Here's social progress for you!

  1. #21
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    it is an odd obsession, afterall we all moved out of our parents house so noone could ever get a say again in whether we were doing adulthood right, sorry but those apron strings were cut with my first rent check ... But I guess if you can never afford to move out of your parents house ...
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  2. #22
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    I keep hearing people use the word ďadultingĒ as if growing up was optional.

    Marriage, faith, family, career and even friendship exceeding the acquaintance level seem to be not worth the effort and risk it takes. I donít see how so many people can refuse to invest in their own happiness without guaranteeing themselves a miserable life.
    The latest estimates are that happiness is 50% heritable and it's certainly mutable; I'm not sure about "investing" in it--maybe that's just an accounting trope.

    None of the conventions you cite--except friendship, and possibly "faith"--however that may be understood--have contributed to my happiness, particularly. I'm certainly not "miserable." I'm sure Millennials will--like all of us--work out which menu items contribute to their well-being, and discard the rest.

  3. #23
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    There are no guarantees and everyone is different, but I believe you have to work at being happy. Itís not an entitlement or a lottery prize. You canít wait around for other people or institutions to contribute to your happiness like a Salvation Army bellringer Thatís why perpetual victims and parasites tend to such bitterness.

    I have found that many of the things that give me the most joy also extract the most terror, toil and tears. I can even look in retrospect at some of my biggest defeats and failures across a gap of years and appreciate the cosmic joke.

  4. #24
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    JP, you can get a medical POA for your SO if not married

  5. #25
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    There are no guarantees and everyone is different, but I believe you have to work at being happy. It’s not an entitlement or a lottery prize. You can’t wait around for other people or institutions to contribute to your happiness like a Salvation Army bellringer That’s why perpetual victims and parasites tend to such bitterness.

    I have found that many of the things that give me the most joy also extract the most terror, toil and tears. I can even look in retrospect at some of my biggest defeats and failures across a gap of years and appreciate the cosmic joke.
    They say you have to work at marriage, too. I never believed that, unless the generally-understood definition of work is different from mine. I do believe that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." and also that life tends to work out for the better, though recent events in my life strain credulity.

    I do think one has a great deal of influence over one's happiness, but whether that's by sheer strength of will or the role of genetic influence, I couldn't say. I agree it's not up to others to provide it.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    They say you have to work at marriage, too. I never believed that, unless the generally-understood definition of work is different from mine. I do believe that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." and also that life tends to work out for the better, though recent events in my life strain credulity.

    .
    I have found marriage to be fairly labor-intensive myself; but when I amortize the work and aggravation over the life of the investment thereís a pretty favorable ROI.

    I agree with the Stoic line of thought that what does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

  7. #27
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    ...

    I agree with the Stoic line of thought that what does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
    I can't argue with that!

  8. #28
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I can say for the most part that I do not even know who these people are that ya’ll are naming.

    I think that state of ignorance is one I will continue to cultivate. Ommmmm....

  9. #29
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    Setting "marriage" as the goalpost for queer progress I think is a mistake. It's assimilation into an oppressive patriarchal and racist system, a system in which queers will always be marginalized.

    http://www.againstequality.org/stuff...-gay-marriage/

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...queer-critique
    https://thepointmag.com/2018/critici...f-the-gay-left

    As the author of this piece points out, the queer left isn't' dead, and it's entirely possible that getting the bourgeois acceptance in society that marriage represents has made it possible for LGB people to be more effective in other fights. Whether that will translate to more action remains to be seen.

    The article also mentions something that had sort of been percolating in my mind for a while now. That the AIDS crisis speed up the gay rights movement by forcing large numbers of gay men out of the closet as they were dying. And by giving them literally a life and death reason to become extremely politically vocal. But did that also have the effect of making marriage equality one of the key parts of the LGBT agenda. Probably. after all, of the 1,000-whatever rights and benefits that marriage confers, a decent chunk of them are focused and sickness and death. DOMA got struck down due to a case involving inheritance taxes.

  10. #30
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Great article!

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