It was kinda terrible actually. My old group was a large national one that closed as a fall out of sexual misconduct. I had been one of the facilitators and the primary face of our group for the last year. I was leading 3 times a month, managing the very minimal work of facebook pages, and eventually made the decision to close our group (not that many people noticed by then). There has been a larger and somewhat related group in the area that has real teachers and has been around for 20 years (ours was 10). I have been on and off over the years and know a couple people. I am going more and seeing how I feel I belong. Tonight the primary teacher talked about doubt, specifically doubt in teachers. As part of this he spent a good amount of time talking about the sexual misconduct and closing of the large sangha, then there was a brief time for one question, a side note that some people in the room may be affected and then done. i was so angry that I was in tears. I am still figuring out the full reasons why. The very basic is that my sangha was being talked about and no one even knew who I was.

I went and talked to the teacher at the end, he said he didn't know how to reach us. I can't imagine he tried very hard because we have had the same place and time of our meeting for 10 years. He was nice but I am still not thrilled about this group. The teacher said there are opportunities in the group, like a women's study group. I have no interest in that. I am tired and frustrated. I may not be an official Buddhist teacher but I do have facilitator training, a masters in education and 30 years of practice. In fact my teacher from Colorado Springs comes up about once a month and one month missed the bus. I almost gave a talk in her place, she said she had total confidence in me. We ended up getting her there, and I have been working on writing some talks to be prepared if it happens again. It is both a thrilling idea and terrifying.

I am checking in with my teachers before I do anything else. I am not sure if there is anything to do,