Update: the cancer center recommended cyber knife radiation for 12 days. She can go alone to do it and my husband can take care of her pets. Her tumor is very small right now. My husband said it was easier than he expected. I think it helped that he went with a attitude of compassion. They also called the youngest son together and told him where they were and why. He was pleased and not upset about not knowing in advance.
You guys are saints for helping her out. The kids will always appreciate your compassion for her.
During the time they were away my anger just went away and I don’t know why. One day I realized it was gone. No effort on my part. I think it’s because her prognosis is not good and I am relieved I don’t have that. SM, thanks for the kind words.
Isnt that great? Ya just never know how things will go.Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
More drama as many predictived. She texted and wants to come over but not home so tell her tomorrow. Wanted me to be on a board with her that is related to both our fields and I say no. Confides in me she has frontal lobe dementia from results of pet scan but I should tell no one. Takes me 2 hours to decide this is manipulative and tell my husband. We talked and decided that the most we can do is care for her animals at her house. He tells me he will back me up and just say no. I said you do that and he said I cannot. Then he talked about going with her for treats and I said no because a job he has wanted forever is starting in May for him. Now I am pissed that this is my problem.
But it isn't your problem, it is hers. He is only between a rock and a hard place if he puts himself there. Taking care of the animals is generous. She needs to hear from a united front where the boundaries are. If she has dementia all future plans need to be adjusted and that isn't a ride you are buying a ticket for.
Really smart!
SM, we are going to suggest she makes their youngest son medical and financial poa. We took that ride with some friends and it lasted 2 years. We decided no matter how sad and pathetic she is we will just say no. I just hate that she is even putting us in this position.
People who make me say no all the time are tiring, and pretty soon I limit my exposure to them.
About the United Front thing: Well that is one way to look at it and that makes a lot of sense. But—I don’t say “No” for DH very often. My general philosophy is that we are two separate people and I will say no and set boundaries for myself but he has to say no and set his own boundaries. On something as important and potentially problematic as this, and given the relations with his children, I would be very hesitant to be saying his “No’s” for my husband.
I agree that your DH definitely needs to say No.
We are much closer with the youngest then she is. She has treated him poorly openly favoring the bad son until recently. He will be fine with us setting boundaries. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to.
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