Siblings now estranged, estate issues were last straw and maybe for me

[Gardnr]

Congratulations on reaching closure on this chapter. Your boundaries are clear for your self-preservation and wish you peace moving forward.

[Tybee]

Saguaro, I am impressed by your thinking about the boundaries--how you will conduct the relationship in the future. That is very wise planning. I will have to think about that with respect to my own family relationships going forward, as we navigate the next chapters in our own family end of life saga.

[beckyliz]

thank you for the update. I am glad this chapter is closed for you. You've made some wise decisions about the relationship and boundaries. Razz is right - figure out a way to work through this and move forward.

[saguaro]

I haven't been able to log in for some time due to some Chrome weirdness, but finally got in today and saw the replies.

@razz, @Garndr and @beckyliz, I have gone into therapy as part of processing this experience which has been immensely helpful. @Tradd, regarding your question of cutting off contact if she misbehaves? Yes, that is absolutely on the table if she acts up again. Nephews are 21 and 19, oldest will be graduating college next year, so leaving the nest in the coming years will likely happen. At that point, hopefully it will be possible to maintain a relationship with them directly and not have to interface with their mom as much.

I will be honest, my primary reason for resuming limited contact is mainly for the sake of wider family. My nephews being one but also for extended family members who AFAIK mostly don't know what happened and don't need deal with any tense or awkward moments like at family gatherings for example. Of course now with the Covid situation, gatherings are off the table anyway so oddly enough that makes things easier.

[iris lilies]

To give an update on DH’s family inheritance Saga, without giving too much detail:


Now they are all going into business together including bad sister. Apparently anyway, since bad sister has not signed off and out of the group. There is already an estrangement within the group, one is not speaking to another.


What a good idea, this partnership! What can possibly go wrong with this scenario??? /sarcasm

[saguaro]

To give an update on DH’s family inheritance Saga, without giving too much detail:


Now they are all going into business together including bad sister. Apparently anyway, since bad sister has not signed off and out of the group. There is already an estrangement within the group, one is not speaking to another.


What a good idea, this partnership! What can possibly go wrong with this scenario??? /sarcasm

How will a business arrangement even work if they are aren't all talking? Not to mention, trusting the bad sister as a partner in this?

[iris lilies]

How will a business arrangement even work if they are aren't all talking? Not to mention, trusting the bad sister as a partner in this?

Bad sissy is not the only one who has shown themselves to be problematic. Another sib has shown themselves to be untrustworthy. . On a scale of 1 to 10 the untrustworthiness is not real high but there’s been demonstrated action in not carrying out a contract involving large amounts of money. I have to be deliberately vague about this.

I hope the partnership agreement has a “majority rules“ idea in the decision making process, otherwise it will be a big cluster fk where no business even gets out of the gate.

I have already warned DH that he may never ever complain about being in business with either of the troublesome siblings. He knows the nature of bad sissy. Knowing him,he will blame every problem on her, but that is just foolishness because he is walking into this with his eyes wide open. No complaints are allowed, ever.

And for the record, the concerns of bad sissy are not Crazy and I agree with her overall.

The overview on this is that this inheritance stuff brings out all of the old childhood hurts and relationships – who is babied and spoiled, who felt left out and treated like a black sheep, who is the leader who everyone acquiesced to.

[Teacher Terry]

I L, that sounds like a really bad idea all the way around.

[iris lilies]

I L, that sounds like a really bad idea all the way around.

Isnt it though?

[saguaro]

The overview on this is that this inheritance stuff brings out all of the old childhood hurts and relationships – who is babied and spoiled, who felt left out and treated like a black sheep, who is the leader who everyone acquiesced to.

Unfortunately so true. Not just in my case, but I have heard the same from friends.