Siblings now estranged, estate issues were last straw and maybe for me

[Teacher Terry]

You had no choice. Your sister sounds either mentally ill or extremely controlling. I wouldn’t have been patient this long.

[iris lilies]

I don’t know what’s running through the heads of these people who keep estates going for years and years and years. I uncharitably think they have not managed large scale projects in their lives, or much of anything with a deadline. This may be the largest scale thing they are ever responsible for.

[Tybee]

I don’t know what’s running through the heads of these people who keep estates going for years and years and years. I uncharitably think they have not managed large scale projects in their lives, or much of anything with a deadline. This may be the largest scale thing they are ever responsible for.

I think it has more to do with processing change and grief. Going thru this with my parents, I have been shocked at the emotional complexity and the paralyyzing effect of grief.

[saguaro]

Thanks for the replies, YS and I have paid our retainer, so it's on, unfortunately.

Regarding grief issues and dealing with change, I strongly suspect this plays into MS' handling of the estate. I don't think she wants to let the house go, not only is it the last material vestige of our parents' lives but I think she knows that with our parents out of the picture, this also changes the relationships between us, but especially between MS and YS. The enmeshment that existed between my parents, MS and YS was sort of the glue that bound them and with parents gone, things have frayed. I stayed more independent and only ventured back into their little enmeshed circle, as difficult as it was, during the period my parents needed assistance. Basically sucked it up during that time but now with both parents gone, that is done and I have stepped back. MS knows this so keeping this estate business going is one way to keep the whole enmeshment dance going. Also MS has absorbed far too many of my parents' attitudes (she has both of their worst traits btw) and is hell bent on on being their proxy from beyond the grave. Another way to avoid change.

[iris lilies]

Yes, saguaro and tybee, You guys are likely right. I guess it’s all about emotions and not getting the job done.

[saguaro]

Bumping for another update on this. In an unexpected turn of events, MS has delegated the task of listing and selling the house to me as a special trustee. Our attorney had suggested this option in his initial letter to MS' attorney but none of us thought MS would go for it. Turns out she did. Attorney drew up the documentation, I signed and am awaiting MS's signature. I have an email drafted to the realtor and ready to hit "send" plus am getting extra keys to the house made today. I plan to use the realtor that MS contacted 2-3 months ago. She is experienced and her specialty is selling homes in this city neighborhood, where she has always lived, we know her family from childhood. She also lives nearby giving me a set of eyes to keep on the house since I live an hour away.

Interesting part? House is completely ready for sale. MS did clear out the home, had repairs done, had the house professionally cleaned all in the last couple of weeks and then delegated the task of selling to me. My task is to list, do all the necessary processes / documentation and close on the house. MS still has control of the checkbook and will continue to pay all bills on the home. Once I close on the house, my job is done and all reverts to MS.

The word I got from my attorney was that MS was seriously unnerved by our action. She still has to provide answers on accounting. She provided a basic accounting that she maintained herself but none has been vetted by her attorney yet. That's another issue for later, right now the main thing is to get that house listed.

[catherine]

Wow! Congrats! Get that thing on the market! Good luck moving forward with the accounting, but at least you have the opportunity for some closure.

[iris lilies]

Hey this is super dooper progress!

[iris lilies]

There are some rumbles in DH’s family estate liquidation. The “bad”sister is asking for an accounting of monies spent on the estate, and she has her own attorney reviewing documents. This annoys DH (although he is not the executor) but I reminded him that it is perfectly reasonable for his sister to ask for facts about the estate.


She has always been the outlier, although in the world of bad sisters she’s not bad at all.


There is actually some pretty big monies that were funneled to another one of the siblings, I mean a couple hundred thousand dollars, before his father died. But I remind DH that his father was alive and when he made these distributions his mind was mostly clear and it was his money to do with as he chooses. The “bad” sister is starting to chase this down but I don’t think she’ll have any luck in recovering it.

there is always drama in these things.

[catherine]

there is always drama in these things.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. On my mother's deathbed, she reached under her butt and pulled out three 20-dollar bills and handed them to me. That was the same amount of money I had given her for Christmas one month before. That was my inheritance. I'm happy for it, and I wish the same for my kids. I'll gladly give while I'm alive, but these estate issues are a nightmare.