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Thread: I am “socially isolated”

  1. #51
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    Ironically, I am usually pretty good at picking up on the silently judging the hell out of me.

    although, that may be because I assume it is the default position, and simply wait for it to become less silent or for sufficient reassurance that it is not happening.

    I think we would not be friends.

    but you wold be cool with that as I am not self actualized or mentally or physically healthy.

  2. #52
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Ironically, I am usually pretty good at picking up on the silently judging the hell out of me.

    although, that may be because I assume it is the default position, and simply wait for it to become less silent or for sufficient reassurance that it is not happening.

    I think we would not be friends.

    but you wold be cool with that as I am not self actualized or mentally or physically healthy.
    I’m sure you are mentally and physically healthy enough to be an acquaintance because I would find your creative projects and your baby goats interesting enough to have conversations about. I would like to look at photos.

    I am not myself part of some kind of master race and dont expect all to be perfect, but on the other hand I do tire of the extended company of emotionally fragile people or those always ill with various maladies that require new and endless accommodations.

  3. #53
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    What the hell does self-actualized mean? I admit I snoozed through psychology classes...
    If it means self-sufficient, I'm all over that...

    ETA: I Googled it. I'm not even in the same universe as "self-actualized." I am a rock star at underachieving. I spent years having teachers and professors tell me I wasn't reaching my potential. Nothing's changed. This life, for me, has essentially been a bye.

  4. #54
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    It’s the pinnacle of Mazlow’s hierarchy of needs. It refers to reaching your full potential in all areas of life.

    i’m guessing IL’s standards aren’t really that high.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Real friends are different in every way.

  6. #56
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    What the hell does self-actualized mean? I admit I snoozed through psychology classes...
    If it means self-sufficient, I'm all over that...

    ETA: I Googled it. I'm not even in the same universe as "self-actualized." I am a rock star at underachieving. I spent years having teachers and professors tell me I wasn't reaching my potential. Nothing's changed. This life, for me, has essentially been a bye.
    By self actualized I mean people have reached their self defined pinnacle of life success. I do not mean people are captains of industry or giants in their fields or those kinds of external measures, I mean people are satisfied with their life. They find life interesting and challenging and they enjoy those life challenges and goals. They successfully negotiate their social,financial, familial and community interactions. And sure, they are self-sufficient, that is part of it.


    It wouldn’t matter to me what some professor tells me I could do if only I tried harder or spent more time studying or whatever. That is, unless I really did want to be better at that thing that we’re talking about.

    OK here is an example of someone who is not self actualized and I suspect probably never will be, and that is really too bad: there’s a young man on the Mr. Money mustache site who has spent seven years living with a girlfriend and they’ve not had sex in six years. She Wants to get married, he doesn’t want to marry her, he doesn’t want to have kids with her, but he lives his life According to what she wants. He has weak ideas about travel overseas and doing things he is not now doing but he will not change his set up.This is a wasted life in my opinion. This young man is not even 30 years old. I think he will get to be 75 years old and look back and have deep regrets that he never struck out on his own to find his own path. The posters on that side are continuing to yak at him but I think he’s a hopeless case.

  7. #57
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Real friends are different in every way.
    I have no idea what this means

  8. #58
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    What the hell does self-actualized mean? I admit I snoozed through psychology classes...
    If it means self-sufficient, I'm all over that...

    ETA: I Googled it. I'm not even in the same universe as "self-actualized." I am a rock star at underachieving. I spent years having teachers and professors tell me I wasn't reaching my potential. Nothing's changed. This life, for me, has essentially been a bye.
    But Jane, I find you funny and in real life real life we would have some sort of friendship I think. I believe that you are self actualized in the way that I mean because you do what you want to do pretty much, right? You have pretty much defined your life goals and met them. I know your house is dragging you down and we all have something like that in life but generally speaking you are living the life that you want to live.

  9. #59
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    But Jane, I find you funny and in real life real life we would have some sort of friendship I think. I believe that you are self actualized in the way that I mean because you do what you want to do pretty much, right? You have pretty much defined your life goals and met them. I know your house is dragging you down and we all have something like that in life but generally speaking you are living the life that you want to live.
    Sometimes I agree with that, and other times I berate myself for not having pushed myself more...But I'm impatient with navel-gazing in general and figure that, if there is reincarnation, I'm primed and ready. If not, phfttttt. We'd likely be friends, as we're both direct and unimpressed with drama.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    Sometimes I agree with that, and other times I berate myself for not having pushed myself more...But I'm impatient with navel-gazing in general and figure that, if there is reincarnation, I'm primed and ready. If not, phfttttt. We'd likely be friends, as we're both direct and unimpressed with drama.
    Do you think you should have pushed more because you said no to yourself? Or is it because you said no to others expectations.

    I ask because of the shoulds dished on me: You're so smart you should go to grad school. Why would you stop your career instead of climbing to the top of Nursing Leadership? Instead of recruiting for your new boss, you should apply for that position because you are well-qualified. You're so good with kids, you really need to have some. You make plenty of money and can afford a big new house-you should build. Why are you driving that old car?

    I'm 58. No kids. No grad school. No CNO position. No new Director position. HAPPY and CONTENT as can be.

    Well, I did upgrade the car after 17y. Wrote a check and love my 2016 C300. It is my last car purchase. We did upgrade our home this month. It got a fresh exterior paint job-yup, hired it done!

    Not yet counting the weeks till my retirement date: 60th Birthday May 20 2021. (well, If I work 1 shift in June I get 1 more month of health insurance for $72 so might do that

    And to use a country phrase: I'm happier than a pig in shit

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