I am “socially isolated”

[catherine]

catherine, how many boxes of documents do you have? I am not talking about a closet full of keepsakes or a packed garage. I have literally been fighting a battle against pathological hoarding for more than a decade. It is a long and difficult journey.

It sounds like your fear is waste, CL. Not that you want to hold on to the straw for emotional reasons, but that you don't want to see it thrown away. Same with the food. I really, really could not have had you see my dumpster last week. DH and I kept saying over and over... "This is a shame" as we threw away a ton of perfectly good things.

As for my documents, I still have tax records going back to 1976. I still have cancelled checks going back to that same period of time.. I was able to scan and send a picture of the check I wrote to my former HS friend, who chaired our first reunion, as a joke when he became chairman of our 50th reunion.

I even saved past due notices of bills from when we were in the crapper throughout most of the 80s and part of the 90s. Talk about holding on to bad energy!! I still have them in the basement, even after throwing away lamps and good dishes. I have the original mortgage papers from the cottage my great-uncle and aunt bought in 1910. I have my uncle's copies of Boys Life to which he was a contributing writer--and keep in mind that I had no relationship with my uncle--first of all he wasn't a blood relative--he was married to my aunt, and second he died when I was 3. I have every letter from every friend and relative. I have a little collection box for memorabilia I get, like postcards from my sweet DIL who is really into sending postcards, or scribblings from my grandkids and I add those to the pile.

Yesterday I finally threw out my stepfather's navy yearbook. He has no progeny to send it to. But I felt very bad--as if I were throwing out a piece of his soul, since he has no one left to remember his life.

No wonder one of my hobbies is Ancestry.com

I have my weekly pay stubs for every job I ever had going back to the job I got at NBC in 1973.

Oh, and then there's the box of diaries I've kept since starting them in October 1964 (still writing, but I've gone digital on that.)

In answer to your question, I'm probably down to 8 boxes of documents and 6 boxes of photo albums--but half of the photo albums are my MILs, and I don't feel comfortable throwing those away either. DH was throwing away his memorabilia, including master tape versions of TV shows he produced. I ran out to the garbage and rescued a couple. He caught me and yelled at me saying that the equipment they run on is obsolete, but that didn't stop me from saving them.

So while that hoard isn't impeding my life yet (it will if my son makes me remove them from "his" basement--because I have NO room for them in Grand Isle), I still consider it to be irrational behavior on my part.

[Chicken lady]

Yes, that is hoarder processing. But it doesn’t sound like your problem is severe.

ONE of my fears is waste. Sentimental stuff is also a huge problem. And “thrift”. And prepping for what if, and prepping for other people. When dh grandfather was in WWII, they issued him, as part of his first aid kit, a little round tin of prophylactics. I have the empty tin. I rescued two rough drafts of dh doctoral thesis. They are printed double spaced on one side of the paper in print that shows the dot matrix. He has a bound final copy. I have locks of hair from first haircuts that I didn’t label and would need dna testing to link to a child. There is currently enough sugar in my pantry to can fruit and pickles for a family of five for a year. Because even though I rarely can any more and only two people live here now, I keep buying huge bags of sugar on sale.

Here is how I can see being more social helping with the hoarding: maybe there is some guy out there who would think an empty WWII condom tin was really cool. I could give it to him.

[Gardnr]

I can't comprehend any of this.....I find the behaviors fascinating (from a psychology perspectivei) although thinking of myself doing any of this gives me the heebie jeebies.

[razz]

I can't comprehend any of this.....I find the behaviors fascinating (from a psychology perspectivei) although thinking of myself doing any of this gives me the heebie jeebies.

True for me as well except I still have all the old vinyl LP's, baby congratulation cards and cards of sympathy for DH's passing and his letters to me before we were married. I moved too many times to have retained much more or even thought about hoarding.

[JaneV2.0]

I've often thought there should be a designated repository for genealogically related items--maybe in Utah, run by the LDS? So that family heirlooms wouldn't have to be destroyed. As someone who's dabbled in genealogy, that destruction drives me to despair.

I'm a lousy housekeeper, but even I have no trouble trashing old bills and tax documents.

[Gardnr]

True for me as well except I still have all the old vinyl LP's, baby congratulation cards and cards of sympathy for DH's passing and his letters to me before we were married. I moved too many times to have retained much more or even thought about hoarding.

DH and I each have 1 box of mementos and they are labeled. Neither of us have looked in our box even once (I think we did this in 2003. We do have our HS yearbooks. He has retained his Star Trek VHS collection and like you, we still have my vinyl-he never bought any. I have a grand-nephew who started a rock band at age 12 (now 16 1/2). I let him take what he wanted when he was 14 as his Dad had gifted him a turntable. I'm waiting for him to want more-according to my sister/his Grandma, he didn't want to selfishly take too many. So here they sit until he understands that I meant "take anything you want". He's smart, he took the best 6

When my BIL died tragically in 2007, I was flying out to be with my sister every 5th weekend for 6 months. It helped her a LOT to consider 1 box that never had to go and would always be there. It brought her some joyful memories to make decisions on that 1 box and made it easier/comforting to get rid of many items.

I hung onto our wedding cards for 25 years. A shoebox full. I read each and every card and into the recycle bin it went. I gave away my wedding dress after 15y I think-I had loaned it to brides who could not afford a gown but dreamed of one....then the thrift store benefited from the next bride.

I am grateful I'm not a keeper.

[Teacher Terry]

I have helped care for both parents and a couple we were good friends with and both were sick. Because of us they all got to remain in their homes. My siblings helped with my mom and not my dad. Our friends got to stay together an extra 2 years with us going over twice a day. Finally we had a 3 week cruise and she went to a home and he to live with his son. I will not burden my children no matter what they say. They have one life and I want them to enjoy it.

[Teacher Terry]

I am not a keeper anymore either. Cards, yearbooks,etc are all gone. My kids want me to keep the photo albums and pick through themselves once I am gone. None are hoarders so will dispose of what is left. I hate waste so tend to give decent stuff to thrift stores either by multiple trips or having a truck come to the house. We had a truck come in 2012 after having 2 garage sale and selling on CL. We rarely buy stuff anymore. We are much leaner now so can easily transport by car now.

[Chicken lady]

If caring for you would be a burden to your children, I am glad you will not ask them to do that.

again, I didn’t ask. I was told. And again, plans change.

i refuse to dog sit for more than a couple of hours.

a cruise is my idea of hell on earth.

the thought of being with my mother every day brings me joy. Even if I could only hold her hand and talk to her and hope she could hear me, even if she forgets who I am and yells at me, I would not want to be anywhere else.

the thought of having to care for my father gives me nightmares. If he were left alone, he would have to go to residential care. I love him, but if I had to take care of him, I might kill him. Also, if anything happens to my mother, we are probably going to have to put him on suicide watch. In the absence of supervision, At best, he will stop taking his meds and drink himself to death.

[Chicken lady]

Also, I am a keeper AND a hoarder. Like ultralite being a foodie AND a binge eater. There is nothing wrong with being a keeper.

conversations like this are why I don’t try to be more social. The percentage of people out there who would neither try to fix me or enable me has got to be small.