I am “socially isolated”

[CathyA]

I'm a hermit. Would I be in better emotional condition if I had friends? That's a difficult answer, since I don't really want friends. I'm happy being alone. I do have a husband and my 2 grown children and I might get lonely if I didn't have them. But I am not motivated to be social. I know how to be social, but just don't prefer it.

I think ChickenLady, that if you are happy not being very social, then you should try to accept it in you. The question for you (and me), is "Does our un-socialness contribute to a life that might be more difficult because we are not getting what might be good support from others?" I personally just can't push myself to be social. In fact, I dig my heels into the ground if I'm forced.

I think there's probably many people out there who aren't gregarious, and that's okay. Are you feeling like something is missing because you're not totally sociable all the time?

[Teacher Terry]

That makes total sense CL. We help our friends also. When our friends had cancer and Alzheimer’s I babysat the wife while my husband drove her husband 5 hours away for cancer treatment over a period of 2 years. They would stay for 5 days. My husband was retired so had the time.

[Chicken lady]

I read your edited post.

i gave birth to acquaintances! LOL

seriously though, the only time I would ask one of my kids to take me to a medical procedure would be if it were essential and impossible to schedule it when dh could be there. But part of that is because I need my mom, my dh, or a sedative for anything worse than a tetanus shot.

[Chicken lady]

CathyA, I am happy not being social, although I am not happy dealing with anxiety when I have to be social.

but I am wondering if I should try harder to be social, because of reading about the links between hoarding and isolation. The author seems to think that improved social contacts, particularly those contacts that involve outsiders entering the home, reduces hoarding behaviors. they do not address the mechanism through which this occurs, but they do present it as a causal link and talk about actual overall improvement, not just “panicky and stuff things” behavior.

so I wonder, if I invited a friend over every month - would that make it easier for me to deal with the hoarding? And I wonder how that would work.

I think there is more to it, because Year’s ago my best friend and I got together multiple times a week. She didn’t even knock at my house. One time I got home and there was lasagna in the oven and a note that said “my oven is broken, so I used yours. I left you a lasagna.” And we went thrift shopping and dumpster diving together and helped hoard up each other’s houses....

[JaneV2.0]

I try not to over-think. In a world of (mostly) extroverts, I'm exceptional. And I'm fine with that.

It would be lovely if friends and relatives were closer to give and receive aid and comfort, but until that happens, I'll try to make sure nothing goes wrong that I can't handle alone.

[bae]

I end up going in the hoarder direction if I'm not careful to engage in social activities.

I love learning new things and experimenting. So, left to my own hermit devices, I'll get interested in some subject or project, and books, supplies, tools, and gear will start piling up as I delve into things. And I'm really bad about throwing things away I don't need anymore.

So, if I'm not mindful, my place resembles an exploded Mad Scientist Lab in about a month or so.

I've been trying to invite folks over for dinner or lunch regularly, or whatnot, and that forces me to at least keep my chaos to a dull roar.

[JaneV2.0]

I end up going in the hoarder direction if I'm not careful to engage in social activities.

I love learning new things and experimenting. So, left to my own hermit devices, I'll get interested in some subject or project, and books, supplies, tools, and gear will start piling up as I delve into things. And I'm really bad about throwing things away I don't need anymore.

So, if I'm not mindful, my place resembles an exploded Mad Scientist Lab in about a month or so.

I've been trying to invite folks over for dinner or lunch regularly, or whatnot, and that forces me to at least keep my chaos to a dull roar.

That sounds like me, with my trove of (mostly unused) art supplies.

[Float On]

I'm not social either. I would answer similar to most of those questions. But I purge instead of hoard.

[Yppej]

It is not bad to be isolated if you're happy that way. Personally I would rather do more things with my friends.

[catherine]

I've been trying to invite folks over for dinner or lunch regularly, or whatnot, and that forces me to at least keep my chaos to a dull roar.

That's an excellent strategy. I've always said I should have someone over at least once a month. Then my place would be presentable for at least a few days every few weeks.

I think it's interesting that hoarding patterns are idiosyncratic. I am a document hoarder. With all the purging we've done, I get stuck at things like old DayTimers from 2001. I found my mother's medical report and prognosis from when she had her stroke and I couldn't throw it away. I was on the verge of throwing away letters from my best friends in high school, but when I got down to the letters from my best friend who died in April, I threw all the letters back in the box.

I can therefore see the tie-in with the idea of social isolation leading to hoarding. There's clearly a connection with my reluctance to call someone up to go to lunch and my treasuring the written connections with friends of the past.

Then DH hoards tools and work shirts. And kitchen utensils to a certain extent. He knows we're moving to a tiny cabin and every time he goes to Job Lot he buys two stainless steel bowls.