I am “socially isolated”

[Chicken lady]

I’m reading through a book on dealing with hoarding disorder, and it talked about how hoarders tend to be socially isolated. So I read through the checklist on how to determine if your hoarder is socially isolated.

the options were often: 1-3 times a week, sometimes:1 or more times a month, and “never”. Most of my categories were “never” although some were really “less than once a month.

i literally never call friends for support or to invite them to do something.
i almost never have company in my home and never because I invited them.
i almost never accept invitations from friends to do anything (mostly they don’t ask anymore)
i literally never call family members to invite them to do anything.
I almost never have anyone in to help me with anything (my mom helped me set up a shelf in the basement this year and a guy installed the floor - but dh arranged that)
i know the name of one neighbor (and avoid him as much as possible - spoke with him once in the last two years)
i do not belong to any clubs or organizations.
i do not belong to a religious group.

i “sometimes” call a family member for support.
i “often” speak to my children or parents. (Mostly by phone)
i “often” spend time with my significant other (he lives here.)
I thought that I “often” spoke to friends or saw coworkers, but dh said they mean outside of work - so, never.

i see medical professionals about twice twice a year (including routine mammograms, glasses, General check ups, and my gynecologist)
i have difficulty making new friends. In the category of people I consider “friends” The newest one I met five years ago - she has never been to my house. We have never done anything away from work. There is another woman at work whom I have known for three years and am starting to think of as a friend.
keeping in touch with old friends - my best friend from college and I exchange emails every six months on each other’s birthdays.

i do take classes for 8 weeks at a time about 3x a year. The classes meet once a week. I Also sometimes attend professional trainings voluntarily.

They did not offer email or online groups as social connection options.

if someone told me that I was going to go the next week without seeing or hearing another human being, my first thought would be “cool.”

[iris lilies]

We only have a couple of friends left here, all others have moved away. We have many acquaintances.

Our family is out of state. DH keeps in touch with siblings via phone maybe a once a month? Since their father died, his younger brother has called him a couple of times because the younger brother used to talk to their dad now he talks to his older brother.


Someone has been inviting me out to do stuff for the last year. I’ve turned that person down five times out of seven. I just don’t want to do Things outside of our mutual interest. That mutual interest keeps us busy enough and socializing enough thank you very much.

I do think having another independent human being living with you in your house helps with reality checks, At least it does for me.

[Teacher Terry]

Friends have always been one of the most important things in my life. I am still friends with 4 from high school and one from kindergarten. Although we live all over the country we get together every few years since our kids have grown up. I am having a party tomorrow with 15 people coming. Every Friday night I have dinner and sleep over at my best friends house. Most of my friends I see at least monthly and some more.

[Chicken lady]

Every year we get together with our best friends of 23 years. Alternating houses. The two families take turns hosting. With in-laws and their grandchild, we are now 17 people. Usually at least an adult child/spouse or two are missing. We are close enough that their grandchild spent the last party at my house wearing only her underpants in a fort she had constructed from my couch cushions and their daughter and my daughter took over one of the things I was cooking and changed the recipe after their daughter went down to my nightmare if a basement and rummaged through my pantry.

the thought of any other 15 People in my house makes me want to throw up. The thought of two unrelated couples coming over at the same time is overwhelming.

IL, define acquaintance please?

and how often do you do flower things that involve being social with people not your dh? (Annoying business meetings only count if you voluntarily stay for associated social time)

also, when I say I “often” talk to my children and parents, I do not talk with each of them every week, just some of them every week.

[iris lilies]

Acquaintances are people you would NOT call to take you to your colonoscopy.

We have/had three single friends for whom we perform this service. Another time, One of them called me at 1:30 AM to ask me to take him on an emergency car trip an hour and a half away. His elderly father had gotten on the highway in his car, become confused, was picked up by the police driving on the wrong side of the highway. Our friend had to go get him and the car.

One time another friend, who has since moved away, came over with all of his tools because he wanted to install a water line for an ice making machine as a surprise for DH. He observed that DH uses two+trays of ice cubes during the summer. That was really sweet and funny! But I shut it down because we really do not want an ice machine.

Those are friends.

[JaneV2.0]

"if someone told me that I was going to go the next week without seeing or hearing another human being, my first thought would be 'cool.' "

My sentiment, too. I keep in touch with my small circle of friends and relatives. I'll leave it to others to do the socializing.

[Teacher Terry]

My ex was not social and only wanted family over or really close friends. Thankfully my husband is very social and we entertain frequently. I didn’t even let my own kids remove the sofa cushions so wouldn’t have been okay with that.

[iris lilies]

Re seeing the flower and garden folk: during May alone, which is a super busy iris time, 10 days were devoted to shows, flower meetings, show set up, flower show training, etc. And that means the entire day for 90% of those days.

And none of this is counting the endless emails and phone calls to accomplish all the above.

[Chicken lady]

I am now wondering, “take me to my...”what?

when I got bleach in my eye, I called the mother of dd’s best friend to take me to urgent care. Because she lives less than 10 miles away and I don’t know anybody who lives closer. She is kind of a friend. I would drive her an hour and a half to get her dad! But then, I would drive the guy across the street who I don’t like an hour and a half to rescue his dad. I would probably drive her to the airport if she asked. (Hour and a half round trip) she helped raise my kid.

[iris lilies]

I am now wondering, “take me to my...”what?

when I got bleach in my eye, I called the mother of dd’s best friend to take me to urgent care. Because she lives less than 10 miles away and I don’t know anybody who lives closer. She is kind of a friend. I would drive her an hour and a half to get her dad! But then, I would drive the guy across the street who I don’t like an hour and a half to rescue his dad. I would probably drive her to the airport if she asked. (Hour and a half round trip) she helped raise my kid.

The airport driving circle of friends is another group.

personally,
I like taking the metro train, so
I do not want anyone to drive me. But we have three sets of friends who do the airport deopoff and pickup for each other and us if we want it.

After two very bad driving experiences at the airport (got lost coming home and ended up on dead end road! Got stuck on the highway for one hour+ at rush hour, stuck from a traffic fatality) I wont do airport runs even for DH, although I WOULD pick him up at a metro train station. Technically, we can do the entire airport run by walking ro the metro station and getting on a train to the airport.