Chicken lady, As I read through this, I feel your pain. I am a bit of a loaner and a bit of a hoarder. I analyze everything constantly. Many people just throw things out, without thinking at all. You and I analyze everything.......is this useful to someone, will this hurt the earth, is there someone on this earth who would enjoy having this thing, etc., etc. I still have my children's umbilical stumps and their baby teeth. It's been a long journey for me to be able to let go of things, so I can empathize with you.
What has worked for me a bit is to start slow. Look at a bunch of things you feel you really can't part with, and pick the lowest meaningful things. It's also good if you have a Goodwill store, or a place locally that accepts things for the disadvantaged. That always helps me......knowing that those things will benefit someone.
I think hoarding is a combination of several things.......heredity (DH and his family are hoarders), what you've been though in your life (some of our older parents hoarded because they went through the depression/war), and some of us hoard for emotional reasons. I think I need to eat all the time because my mother only fed me every 3-4 hours as an infant. I think what happens to us when we are very young has a much bigger impact on us as we go through life. What was your relationship with your parents like? Was your family poor? Did you parents substitute "things" for love? It can be very complicated. When I was young, I would save everything that I broke.......feeling like it would be sad/lonely if I threw it out. In actuality, I think I was putting the feelings I was having about me, onto all the objects around me. I'm just saying.......hoarding can be a very complicated issue.
One thing I've noticed in forcing myself to get rid of some things is that at first, I would have panic attacks on the way home from donating things........but I got over it. I still can't get rid of many things, but it has become easier to discriminate between really important things, and those things that are just feeding my insecurities.
What do you feel when you maybe try not to buy sugar on sale, even though you have a ton of it in storage already? Do you feel anxious? Do you feel excited? Have you tried not to buy it, or do you always give in to the urge?
I say start small and work from there. In my opinion, it's okay to think through what our trash will do to the earth. And if you can donate some of your things, start small and work up to bigger things. Just try to think of how it might help others.
Have you ever had counseling for your hoarding problem? Like I said, it can be a multi-faceted problem. It obviously is serving some need you have in you. And maybe if you investigated what that need might be, and other ways of filling it, it might help.
I'm not sure being more social would help. But I'm saying that as an un-social person. I think pushing myself to be more social would raise my anxiety and then I'd eat more. haha
Anyhow.......I do feel your pain and hope you can find a compromise that makes you feel better.