Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: not actually complaining

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,188

    not actually complaining

    (I realize I want to start every sentence with the word 'so', which has nothing to do with anything)

    First off I had some positives yesterday with communication. The person who was texting me on Friday had a moment where she understood how my work is in the summer. It was super helpful to our work together (I am the treasurer for her non-profit). Then I got to talk to another person about some mutual events and she also understood my work. Basically it is like tax season for an accountant, everyone in the business knows things like you schedule your vacations around the busy season and you will be working extra hard, and your time is very limited. For me it means I will be bringing a sack lunch every day, use a lot of sunscreen, wear my camp director wardrobe, and not plan on having time off.

    However that does not mean I am complaining. It does not mean I am a saint either (someone suggested that this weekend). So far I have been swimming, bowling, had mac and cheese catered to a park, and was within feet of a hawk, owl and bald eagle. I really love this work, but when I say this is my busiest time of the year it is not a problem to be solved.

    Do others have this experience or know what I am talking about?

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,777
    Totally!

    during the school year.

    dh says “let’s do xyz” and I say “I’m exhausted, these are the things that happened today...” or “I still have two hours of planning and prep work.” Or “I have to get up super early tomorrow so I can do xyz before school”

    and he starts in on offering me shortcuts, or telling me I don’t really need to do all that, or I don’t get paid for it or other teachers don’t put that much time in.

    this is not a problem I want you to solve. This is not me complaining, and this is certainly not an opportunity for you to imply that it shouldn’t take me so Long to do my job adequately. (Maybe those other teachers suck.)

    this is is me telling you WHY I am not interested in your activity, explaining why I am tired. Because I feel like I owe you more explanation than “no”. I am offering you a chance to understand why I am tired so that you don’t think I just don’t want to do your thing. I am telling you how I am choosing to spend my time because I believe that what I am doing has value. Enough value that you should not feel bad about being turned down because of it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    7,506
    Yes I totally understand. I have been there too.

  4. #4
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    14,472
    There are several riffs on this we can make. Here is mine:


    It’s not especially important to me that my friends and acquaintances remember my schedule. They have their own lives. While this might seem like oversimplification to you Zoe, that is, to me, what this sounds like. Your friends and acquaintances and family know that you work, but only your intimate friends/family may understand that summer camp requires a different level of dedication from you than regular school year work.

    My close friend never remembered that the month of May was, for me, a very busy time and also a time where I did not want to do anything other than what I was required to do because that was the month I commune with iris, they are in peak bloom then. Because both of our birthdays are that month she always wanted to plan things that took a lot of time and I just wasn’t interested because I dont give a damn about birthdays, either hers or mine. It’s Iris season! that’s what I give a damn about. So yeah she did not honor my core self, but neither did I honor her core self because she’s all about birthday! Celebrate the birthday!

    I really think herbgeek hit it on the nose in a different thread – this may be about the stories you tell yourself. I am interpreting this is another story you’re telling yourself where people don’t really understand you deeply and honor you. Maybe they don’t. That I don’t know and can’t tell from an online forum. What is likely is that they don’t remember much of what is a core of your every day life because they have their own every day lives.

    I could tell you to “not care as much “about what people think of you but that’s just stupid. You’re gonna care about what you care about, you’re going to value what you value —we all get to do that. I guess one strategy to cope with this is to help your friends be better friends to you – and that is that you just have to keep repeating” this is what is important to me, honoring my work obligations during the summer where I have less flexibility than during school the school year” And if someone makes an offhand comment about your dedication, just accept it as something nice. It’s probably trite to you because people feel they have to say something but it is at least a positive comment.

  5. #5
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    5,585
    It sounds like you simply want to 'heard' by people that you value.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,188
    chicken and iris i think you get it. i don't expect people to remember my work load so i do tell them it is my busy season. In the case of the non-profit tasks I have been telling the board that this is my busy season in preparation. This person didn't necessarily remember however she just lost her mother. I didn't really expect it, however when I reminded her it was still frustrating. the next day when she 'got it' it was wonderful to improve communication.

    It is just not something I am doing wrong, that my supervisors are doing wrong, that needs a fix, etc. It is just the nature of the work. There is probably some element of story involved as well, I keep working on ways to express what I need to better. I just started saying that it is my busy season instead of saying camp, easier to relate to.

  7. #7
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    2,086
    I just started saying that it is my busy season instead of saying camp, easier to relate to.
    Good idea! Because this outside-of-education layperson would think easy going, relax time, chill when I hear the word "camp". I would never associate that as a busy time, had you not said it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    2,102
    And most people think of teachers having time off in summer. So they just need a reminder.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •