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Thread: Strategies for dealing with annoying people in groups?

  1. #11
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    i would either change the things I could (me) and accept the things I couldn’t, or leave. But then, i’m a socially isolated introvert.
    Yes, I'm looking for help in doing that.

    I'm also a socially isolated introvert, and trying to branch out and try new things. But then I hear there is a Carter in every group, so I'm tempted to just stay home and not try. I'm not going to change LatePerson, plus it isn't my job as an adult to change another adult, particularly one who hasn't indicated they want changing.

    Chicken, you enumerated my choices so clearly. If I join an existing group (not sure how long its been a group) and then try to change the norm of what the group has previously allowed, I could piss everyone off and have no group. There's no real leader in this group. I haven't been with them long enough to know how speaking up would go over.

    Razz, I'm still looking for something to admire in LatePerson. That's the strategy I used at work with annoying people: find something in common or something I liked about them.

  2. #12
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    Somehow this serves her. Why else would she be so consistently and predictably late
    What I've observed is that everything seems to fascinate her. Her car is full of fascinating (to her) things (aka looks like a hoarder, I have no idea if she really is one, but it sure looks that way, why would you spend the money on a Tesla and then just fill it with random things?) She stops to look at fascinating things, and I'm guessing she has no idea how much time has passed. She does not appear to pick up on other's emotions or facial expressions (even her adult daughter's). Which sucks for me, because I have a great "Eleonore" face. An Eleonore face is what my husband calls that disapproving look that my mother gives when strangers don't meet her approval.

  3. #13
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I used to have a friend who was chronically late. I finally would just leave if she didn't show up in a reasonable amount of time. I've read that chronically late people have all kinds of reasons (none of which resonate with me) for their behavior. As Chicken lady says, though, you can really only change yourself.

  4. #14
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    If you genuinely enjoy the company of these other people and their excursions, were it me, I would drive separately. That way you could always plead “ gotta go do x” and leave if you have had your fill of the group or the excursion. Or, if it turns out to be a time where you dont mind waiting, you wouldn't have to leave. If you have a car, you have control.


    If you all are standing around waiting for her to look at dolls or take photos or whatever, it is these times that I ask the car driver “when are we leaving?” So thst I may scurry off to look st the rose garden or whatever one more time.

    I dont especially like looking at gardens with a gaggle of people. While I know I learn from them, I usually just take off from groups. We toured multiple gardens recently and I even get away from DH to go on my own chosen path. I do like meeting up with him and he mentions “ did you see thus snd such?” And if interesting and I missed it, I go back to look at thus and such.

  5. #15
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    There's no real leader in this group.
    Yes, there is. It's LatePerson. Maybe others in the group are not emulating her lateness or level of distraction, but they certainly are letting her set the pace for the group and they tolerate her behavior.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  6. #16
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Personally i’ve never been a big fan of group anythings because people tend to annoy me. Yesterday we stayed longer than usual at happy hour because a friend had just arrived and wanted to come to dinner with us. 45 minutes later they didn’t want to leave happy hour so we went to dinner without them.

    For me the late person would be the reason i quit the group. And i would tell the others in the group. They may not care but they deserve to be told.

  7. #17
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    I would bring it up the next time it happens. It is very rude to be chronically late not to mention disrespectful. Why the other members tolerate it is beyond me. When she's finally present do you enjoy the time?

    Personally, I would rather do these kinds of activities alone that have someone else own my day by being tardy and then disappearing into something else when we're all ready to depart.

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