I am going to mention a specific instance, but I'm really looking for ideas/conversation around a larger theme: how/when do you deal with annoying people in voluntary groups (like hobby groups)? Do you say something? Do you modify your own behavior somehow to have less impact on you? Do you avoid the person, or phase out of the group? What kinds of mental coping strategies can you suggest? Please share your stories.
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If you want the details, here's my story:
Here's my specific instance: A few months ago I joined this small garden club in the next town over. There is one person who is just generally annoying to me (bossy/talks to us like we are her children) , but my biggest grievance is her continual lateness/keeping people waiting, and she doesn't seem to notice that others are waiting on her and of course never apologizes.
A few weeks ago, we went to a public rose garden and had to wait for her to show up at our meeting place about 20-30 minutes before we car pooled. When we got to the garden, we tried to get a reservation at the restaurant they have there, and the host said they were really full but they could squeeze us in at 11:45, if we could agree to vacate the table in time for another party at 1:15. We walked around the gardens, and when it was 11:30 we starting gathering to walk back the 5-10 minutes to where the restaurant is. I told AlwaysLatePerson this, and she said ok, let me know when you're going over. I said, I just did, we are heading over now. She shows up 20 minutes past the reservation (we didn't wait for her). After we finished dessert, we are keeping an eye on the clock, since we wanted to honor our commitment and she just kept talking even though we reminded her we needed to vacate the table. So after that, we walked outside as er were going to continue to explore some more. Where is LatePerson? We first thought she was in the ladies room, but after 20-30 minutes, one of us when in to see what was up and she was busy taking photographs! She never said anything to anyone of us, we're just waiting for her out front.
When its time to leave, we all gathered, and then she strikes up a conversation with a couple of strangers and continues it for a good 1/2 hour while the rest of us are waiting there.
This week, we agreed to meet at 1:30, for a garden tour (someone not in the garden club). We are supposed to be at the host's at 2. LatePerson texts at 1:20 saying she will be at our meeting place at 1:45 (which would be ok if we left then). At 2:05, she still has not showed, and not called or texted an update, and when we called her, she was still 15 minutes away, so we changed our meeting place to be near where the tour was being held. After our tour, our group is ready to leave and the host is seeing us to the door, when LatePerson looks into a private room (not part of the tour) and wants to look at this doll collection - while again we are all standing there waiting for her.
I really like the other people in this club. I realize lateness is MY issue, and not everyone has the same sense of time, or puts the same importance upon being punctual, but I know at least 2 other members are aware that this is a chronic issue. I don't expect her behavior to change, I just want to minimize its impact on me.
So, other than taking my own car on our outings (I would miss out on the friendship on the car rides ) , what kinds of coping strategies can I use to not let this behavior impact me or annoy me so much? Also interested in your Annoying Person stories.