Expectations and demands and stepping away

[catherine]

I'm reading "A Widow's Story" by Joyce Carol Oates and she talks about how her husband died, unexpectedly, so he had work that was sitting there--as an editor, that meant galley proofs to go over and approve, etc. He was 77.

If you love you're work, you'll keep doing it as long as you can. If you don't, hopefully you can retire early. It's as simple as that.

[Gardnr]

If you love you're work, you'll keep doing it as long as you can. If you don't, hopefully you can retire early. It's as simple as that.

I disagree with this. I love being a Registered Nurse. I love surgery. I love caring for patients and seeing that I could calm a fear, hold a hand, assure a patient that yes, this is scary stuff and I am here with you the whole time. I love building teams with a common goal. I love the fantastic surgeons I've had the privilege of working with over the decades.

You may have no idea how grueling healthcare can be.

After 38+ years of serving my patients, surgeons and staff, it is time to put myself first. Hence my retirement this week.

[catherine]

I disagree with this. I love being a Registered Nurse. I love surgery. I love caring for patients and seeing that I could calm a fear, hold a hand, assure a patient that yes, this is scary stuff and I am here with you the whole time. I love building teams with a common goal. I love the fantastic surgeons I've had the privilege of working with over the decades.

You may have no idea how grueling healthcare can be.

After 38+ years of serving my patients, surgeons and staff, it is time to put myself first. Hence my retirement this week.

Gardnr, as someone who has made her living on the periphery of healthcare, I completely understand how grueling it is, and I am so happy for you that you are retiring this week!!!

I'm only saying that there is no law that people have to retire at 65, and if they don't, they must be miserable, poor, sad sacks. Some people keep working and others don't by choice.

But truly--congratulations on your retirement!

[Teacher Terry]

Nursing is hard physical work. My college teaching and vocational expert work is not which is why I continue to do both. That’s a big difference.

[Tybee]

Yes, I've definitely had jobs evade me over the years due to physical issues. That is actually how I got to working remotely, teaching online, since at the time, it was all I could do; I couldn't walk or drive.

I loved some of the things I used to do more than teaching online, but I'm happy to have work.

You just change and adapt, I guess.

[lhamo]

In 1919 average life expectancy in the US was 53.5 for males and 56 for females.

https://u.demog.berkeley.edu/~andrew/1918/figure2.html

No antibiotics or vaccines. Probably higher rates of death from accidents as well. And very high infant/child mortality. The flu epidemics took whole families out.

We have also developed a very unrealistic/unhealthy attitude toward death and dying in this country. My mom's heart specialist was pushing her pretty hard to have a second heart surgery at 86. The one she had at 70 gave her 17 more years with us, and I am grateful she had that choice. But she was still really robust at that age, and wanted the extra time. At 86-87 she was worn out and ready to go, and we supported her choices and helped her get into hospice when the time came. Not all families do, and that is one reason why healthcare spending is massive in the last few weeks of life. Everybody dies at some point, and it would be better for us as individuals and society if there was more focus on quality of life issues.

Stepping off my soapbox now.....

[Teacher Terry]

My grandparents were born in the 1800’s and lived until their 80’s. My mom had 3 bouts of cancer between 78-84. She should not have treated the last one but the doctors talked her into it. I hope I can be brave enough to realize when it’s my time.

[jp1]

My family is probably fairly typical of Americans. When my dad was a kid my grandfather was the sole breadwinner for seven people. Himself, his wife who was in a state hospital for tuberculosis, his three kids and his inlaws, one of whom was incapacitated by polio. He supported everyone with a job at a foundry making bricks during the great depression. But their life was pretty basic. No indoor plumbing, no luxuries of any sort, clothes only purchased when the old ones were literally falling apart.

Fast forward to when my dad got old. He moved himself to an assisted living facility about 4 years before he died. He had ample assets/pension to pay the $4k/month rent. The last six months of his life were spent in hospitals gradually getting sicker until he finally transitioned to hospice care and $12,000 for a month in a skilled nursing facility before he finally passed away. I'm thankful that he had enough assets that my sister and I could move him out of the shared room to a private room when he didn't get along with his roommate. Even at that late stage of his life he was worried about how much it cost. It was obvious that he wasn't going to be around long so it was a no brainer to spend his money giving him a little bit better life at the very end.

Dad's brother and sister retired with much less assets than dad. Uncle J died broke, as was his plan. Aunt E is broke and still alive. Both relied/rely upon their kids. Not so much financially, but with managing the details of day to day life. Both my uncle and aunt were/are dependent on medicare and seem to have been/are ok.

My impression is that we as a country still seem to care for our elderly. Hopefully that will continue to be the case, and perhaps we'll start caring about younger people too.

[rosarugosa]

Catherine: I just have one thing to add about gifting money to children. You are relatively young, so this probably won't be an issue, but it's important to at least be aware of medicaid eligibility look-back periods and gifting. Your kids also deserve to be aware that there are potential strings attached to gifts they accept from you and DH, even though those strings would be attached by the government and not by you.

[catherine]

Catherine: I just have one thing to add about gifting money to children. You are relatively young, so this probably won't be an issue, but it's important to at least be aware of medicaid eligibility look-back periods and gifting. Your kids also deserve to be aware that there are potential strings attached to gifts they accept from you and DH, even though those strings would be attached by the government and not by you.

Hmm..

The annual exclusion applies to gifts to each donee. In other words, if you give each of your children $11,000 in 2002-2005, $12,000 in 2006-2008, $13,000 in 2009-2012 and $14,000 on or after January 1, 2013, the annual exclusion applies to each gift. The annual exclusion for 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 is $14,000. For 2018 and 2019, the annual exclusion is $15,000.

Believe me--my gifts to them fall far under these limits, and will never exceed them. Even the "gifts" of fixing up the house for my son are not gifts--I would do that as any landlord would to protect value of the investment, and in fact plan on treating those repairs as a rental expense. If I sell my house to my son, I plan on getting 2-3 independent appraisals and then charging them 92% of that (that's seemingly the average delta between the listing price and the asking price. Well, I may throw in 1-2k extra if I have it at the time).