Wedding shower rant

[Molly]

Many of my nieces and nephews are now of marriageable age, and I've been attending a lot of wedding showers.

Here is my question. What is the purpose of a wedding shower today? Many of these couples have been living together for years and have all their household needs met. They are educated and make more money than us (we are retired). Yet we're expected to provide them with more?

When I was growing up, young men and women usually lived at home until they married. If they had an apartment, it was usually bare boned. The purpose of a shower was to give them a start in life since they usually had next to nothing.

Some of my nieces had multiple showers! Who needs more than one shower? Who even needs one anymore?

I am very proud of my two kids. Both lived with a spouse before they married. Neither had or wanted a shower. They are professionals who married professionals, yet had very simple weddings with only a handful of people in attendance.

Anyway, that's my rant for today. Thanks for letting me spout off. Now back to the registry to pick out the obligatory gift.

[Teacher Terry]

2 of our 5 kids are married and neither had a wedding shower. They lived together before marriage. Molly, you are right that in the past it was helpful because things were different. We live across the country from family so this is one thing we don’t have to worry about.

[Simplemind]

You aren't obligated to give anything that you don't want to. Shower or wedding.

[Teacher Terry]

Some of my cousins are now starting to die and we haven’t seen them in 35 years. My sister is getting obsessive with sending flowers to the funeral and buying expensive ones and then wanting my brother and I to share the cost. If I try to say no it’s always well they came to mom’s funeral or something stupid. This is a large family with spouses, etc. A spouse died recently that I never met. After that I emailed her and told her I was done and don’t even ask. If she does the answer is no. When my MIL died she didn’t do anything let alone these cousins.

[Tybee]

We've had a rash of destination weddings in DH's large family lately--one is a second d-wedding. The worst was the one who hit us up to contribute to their honeymoon and/or house fund. These young folks make about five times what we make and we're supposed to help them buy a house. Uh, no.
I've started sending a standard gift of a silver cake server. It makes me happy, makes some of the brides Very happy, and pisses off the ones who want us to pay for their honeymoon.

(The one I bought my goddaughter was from Tiffany's, so I'm not all bad.)

[razz]

in addition to the in memoriams as some pass away, my situation is people celebrating their 50 and 60th anniversaries and sending out invites with 'no gifts please' but one came on an evite that indicated a special fundraising effort trying to raise $600,000 for a charitable effort. I get a really nice card and write my feelings about the couple and that is it. Why does it all require financial contribution as the OP asked.
Years ago, when we started out, we got a bowl, some dish towels or a cup and saucers since we had none of these things. Now it is all about a gift registry. Crazy!

[Gardnr]

I "do", when I feel like it and "don't" when I don't feel like it. I really don't care what other's think of my choices.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

I really don't get the multiple shower thing. Just seems greedy to me.

[sweetana3]

I am with Gardnr. A gift or memorial is given when after some consideration, I feel inclined to do so. It is based on the personal relationship and whether I am close enough to make a meaningful contribution. It is not done based on what others might think. They can spend their money or time the way they choose.

When we invite people to celebrate an occasion, we pay for it. The company and the sharing of the occasion are the important part to us.

[Gardnr]

I really don't get the multiple shower thing. Just seems greedy to me.

We married at 19 (39y and happy). I had 3 showers. 1 put on at Mom/Dad's church. 1 by my maid-of-honor and 1 by DH's family. Mom was a bit "what do I do" since I go to them all. i told her to rewrap the same gift for all.

We had a nicely stocked kitchen and linen closet. Some of those appliances are still functioning nicely! Others, dead and gone.