Radio silence

[Tybee]

A couple of days ago I emailed my father and sibs to ask a question about my father's property, which had been moved from one state to another by my brother.

I had asked my brother about a specific item, a valuable heirloom that Dad told me he wanted me to take care of. I asked if it had been found and transported.

Complete radio silence from all parties. Two sibs were out there working on this transfer, and Dad had asked me to caretake this item.

Have no idea where it is or if it made trip, but no one is answering me.

This is completely typical for them. I will ask a question and be ignored.

Then, when they want me to do something for them, it is an emergency, drop what you are doing and rush out and do what we tell you to do, even if it does not make sense to you.

I am fed up. My husband says just keep acting in a straightforward fashion and eventually they will have to deal with me as an adult with rights in the matter.

Should I just walk away from the whole mess and stop trying to help my father? It is so difficult as he gave me none of the tools I need, and sibs are ignoring my requests for information. One, the POA, is actively acting as my dad's financial agent, even though he is not doing what Dad asks him to do.

I do not want to escalate this, so how would you handle it if you were I?

[razz]

Take your DH's advice. Sorry that this is happening to you.

[Tybee]

Thanks, Razz.

[Simplemind]

Does your dad have cognitive issues? I see you put him on the e-mail as well. If he is still able to make decisions on his own I would tell him that you have attempted to communicate with your sibs and they do not respond. You can also say that you don't think this is going to improve in the future after his death. Either he makes changes now while he is able or you either walk away or challenge the POA legally as being derelict in their duty. Does your dad have his wishes in writing?

[Teacher Terry]

I agree with simplemind.

[Tybee]

Thanks, Dad is mentally competent. I will fill him in on what is happening. Mostly, I want to protect my parents and make sure they are happy and at peace, so I will talk to him in terms of what does he want me to do, here's what I can do, and here are the parameters involved working with the sibs.

[razz]

Thanks, Dad is mentally competent. I will fill him in on what is happening. Mostly, I want to protect my parents and make sure they are happy and at peace, so I will talk to him in terms of what does he want me to do, here's what I can do, and here are the parameters involved working with the sibs.

Setting boundaries after presenting your understanding of the circumstances will help clarify things and is really important. If Dad's exposure to everyday living is reduced, he may not be quite as aware of what is happening. He may feel bewildered believing that he had made careful arrangements and wondering what and why things have changed.

I always try to confirm that my understanding of any situation is correct as I have found that I don't have all the facts or background.

[Tybee]

Setting boundaries after presenting your understanding of the circumstances will help clarify things and is really important. If Dad's exposure to everyday living is reduced, he may not be quite as aware of what is happening. He may feel bewildered believing that he had made careful arrangements and wondering what and why things have changed.

I always try to confirm that my understanding of any situation is correct as I have found that I don't have all the facts or background.

Razz, thank you, that is very helpful advice.