Okay. Simple fact: my family is toxic for me.
My abuser was not a stupid woman, and she used the way my family members are as “proof” that they held me in contempt, were better than me, were ashamed of me, etc.
After decades of work, I can manage most of the time, in most situations, with most people.
I can’t cope with snobs, and my family dynamic is just that for complicated reasons. Also, for decades I presented myself as “less” because that was my role, the bottom of the heap.
I know all that. I also know that a bad encounter with my family can cost me 2 weeks of well being; it’s happened before that I hit a nerve with a family member and whammo, they attacked me, verbally.
I don’t trust them, and I have very good reasons to avoid them.
The most toxic of them for me, including the person I was talking about above, I do avoid.
I keep thinking I should find a way to interact with them, when even a Christmas card can set me off.
I’m not sure if the should that echoes in my head is really from inside me, manufactured by my abuser, or if it’s cultural?
But the question here is have you managed to turn off the ”shoulds” somehow, and if so, what do you do? If you haven’t quite, are you okay with that?
Tia.