Um yeah, I think I was more interested in someone else's needs than my own. Plus I was somewhat naive. I felt awkward but not erscared or anything, and it wasn't until today ( a day later ) that I realized how 'off' the whole situation was. Basically a former coworker stopped by to see me at the end of work, I had worked almost 11 hours, I ended up talking to him for an hour. I have had no contact with him since he left near the end of last school year. However I considered him on friendly terms, he is close to the age of my kids so there is this caregiving type of thing going on for me. No weird vibes from him other than weird boundaries. He seemed to have no clue this was a bad time, or ask if it was okay to visit me. I realize that I had no clue what to say when he showed up, maybe a day later I have figured out what to do.
He seemed to want to know if program was ok over the summer and said he left the job concerned for the kids. I didn't share anything about any specific children. I did share we went on lots of field trips, that summer is exhausting but fun, and steered the conversation back to his new job. Then I walked him out and gave him some things from my car that I had planned to drop at goodwill. It was some sports curriculum that my former assistant left and didn't want.
Before I left him he shared that his dog died that week and he and his ex-wife had been able to be there at the end together. I think maybe he was just emotionally in a vulnerable place. I at least hope it helped him to have someone to talk to. Maybe he was in a very bad place and I prevented something worse. I know one time I was in a very bad place and someone at Wendy's didn't charge me because I only ordered a soda. I went to my car and cried and felt just that little kindness made a difference. Still I realize that I am deeply conditioned to behave like this, putting other people ahead and feeling like I am responsible for any negative impact of saying no, no matter how innappropriate others are. Some things to really work on, I am seeing the EAP counselor through work, that is good.