The house you will die in

[happystuff]

Current house is actually our "starter home" and we have been here over 29 years. I'm definitely ready to downsize and have been working on decluttering and reducing. This is definitely not the house I want to die in but who knows what tomorrow will bring. In the meantime, I'm working towards and dreaming of a different house. lol.

[Simplemind]

Although I attempted to discuss the future with my parents years before their decline, they would not state their wishes. My mom responded angrily as if I was trying to knock her off her throne. When my father finally had the trust written along with the medical directives, they still wouldn't discuss what they would want before the deathbed decisions. Hard to tell if the assumption was we were responsible for nothing or everything. What wasn't said spoke volumes about the underlying chaos that we were not seeing. In the years between my mom's death and dad's I felt like Wiley Coyote holding the detonated acme bomb.
My son witnessed it all during his HS years. It made a huge impression. For awhile he kept telling me that he would take care of me and I kept telling him that I would never expect it. Funny, I felt a distance from my parents but was there in the trenches at the end. My two siblings who were much closer to them were much more emotionally and responsibly hands off. They refused to acknowledge what was going on. It has taken me awhile to figure that dynamic out.
I talk with my son in the way I wished my parents had talked to me. He knows my wishes, he knows what I have put in place to fulfill them. I expect his oversight in my care (should my husband pass first) but never do I expect him to take on the tasks that I did for my parents. I would never leave him the mess they left me.
We joke about it. He went from saying he would change my diapers to saying he would make sure he was buying me the best damned diapers for somebody else to change. My DH and I have 3 kids between us. His two are in their 30's, married and no plans for kids. We only hear from them on Father's day and their dad's birthday. One lives 20 miles away and the other in another state. Mine is 24 and lives 5 miles away. He calls and texts through the week. He sends us articles we might find interesting. He helps with the heavy chores. He and his girlfriend go camping with us when possible and we make dinners for each other once a month or so. The two of them house/dog sit for us so we can travel. There is no doubt in our minds which of the three kids would step up and for that reason I want to make sure that he never feels he has to. I want him in my life as my child, not my caregiver.
I love our house and our property but my husband knows that should he go first I will be selling it. There is no way that I could keep it up and I don't want to have to pay somebody (much less have my son burdened) to do both inside and outside work. Although we hate the thought of leaving we know we have about 10-15 years before we should move into something else. I am already starting my search trying to figure out what area and what type of living situation will be best in case something critical happens before that plan is put in place.