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Thread: OCD Control Freaks

  1. #1
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    OCD Control Freaks

    I am getting worn down by my de facto supervisor and a family member, both suffering from OCD, who both make mountains out of molehills and try to micromanage me because controlling the minutaie of life is how they attempt to handle their anxiety. So I deal with this both at work and at home. There are other people in my social network who don't suffer from this condition, but the bulk of my time is with these two.

    I can't snap at the "supervisor" because I need the job. She calls out unexpectedly, or leaves me to deal with time-consuming problems right before my shift ends so I have to stay late, or takes her break right before I leave for the day and overstays it, so I never know what time I will be out of there, making interviewing elsewhere unrealistic. Sometimes I request a day off, and she says she was already planning to take that day so I can't as one of us always has to be there even though she has not gotten it approved or put it on the calendar. And in my current situation I don't know that I could pull off the peppy interviewee role so many places want anyway.

    "Supervisor" has been there 23 years and brought both the managers at my location into the company. They know how domineering she is - everyone does and they even joke about it - but both owe her and are also conflict avoidant people afraid of getting her riled up. They let her run the office. The company is stable and the benefits good, and she is the only annoying person there, but unfortunately she is the person I work with the most. Already one person in another department quit because of her just since I started in May.

    So by the end of the day my patience is strained and I come home to someone who is hypersensitive to me, my moods, and any hint of negativity, which despite my best efforts he can set off. Today it was calling and texting me repeatedly with all sorts of instructions, because I was stopping at Dollar Tree on the way home, that got under my skin. Then I feel terrible. There are good days and bad days at home.

    He has applied for SSI and been denied despite having several mental illnesses, and I cannot send an ill child out on his own. He also helps me out as he is able around the house but is not capable of holding down a traditional job. He is not open to family counseling though he sees someone individually. I went to NAMI support group once and it was not helpful. They suggested I go for individual counseling but I am often so drained at the end of the day the idea of going out in the cold and dark for appointments is dreadful.

    If anyone has helpful advice or similar experiences I would like to hear them. I have had this on my mind for a while, but didn't want any negative nelly to chime in so I have held back on posting until I felt the coast was clear.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    That’s really hard. It’s incredibly difficult to get SSI. There are some lawyers that will try with no fee unless they win if they think you have a chance of winning. Then they will take a third of the initial big payment because you get back pay from the date you applied until you get it. A friend of mine has such severe ADHD that he cannot hold a job. He was stealing from her so has been homeless for the past 20 years. Are you getting paid for the extra time you are spending at work?

  3. #3
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Do you have an escape activity that gives you some room from both - think swimming or gym where you can work out or relax at keeping fit and healthy?
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    I’ll definitely say that going to the gym after work definitely helps with the stress. I’ll do 30-45 min on the bike with good music in my ears and I’m dripping when I’m done.

  5. #5
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about the micromanaging at work and home. And now the winter is setting in so we are all in for a long slog of cold and dark. But there will be light after that! I hope you do have some areas of your life where you experience some fun and joy.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Yarrow's Avatar
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    You need to get a lawyer to help your son get approved for SSDI. Preferably a lawyer that specializes in helping clients with either physical or mental disabilities receive SSDI. I’ve known of many that were previously denied get approved once a lawyer presented their case.

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    He had said he would get a lawyer and appeal if denied, then when the time came he would not do it. He thinks he can find some way to make money online, and briefly did last year, but not enough to support himself. Since he is not a minor I cannot do anything for him. He will not even tell me who his psychologist or therapist are. NAMI told me to spy on him and check his prescription bottles but they only list the pharmacist.

    Some days I walk but others I am too tired. This year I tried both yoga and tai chi but did not care for either. I also read, get together with friends and family some, and my hobby this year is attending candidate events. I am more active in warmer weather.

    I do get paid but often it is straight time because Snoopervisor likes to rack up the overtime (in my opinion not needed due to the literally hours she spends on personal phone calls etc while on the clock; she also plays the I forgot to clock in or out and this is when I think I arrived or left game). Then she gets "sick" on weeks with holidays because we are only paid overtime for hours in excess of 40 worked, not 40 paid and she knows she won't get any OT those weeks.

    Thank you all for your supportive comments.

  8. #8
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    Hugs to you. Sorry you have such a load to deal with. I hope you are able to find something that helps you deal or brings you some relief - even if temporary.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

  9. #9
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    I had a very OCD manager and we worked well together for 16 years. That's just the way she was and I learned to live with it. There are going to be annoying people wherever you work. I would recommend making the best of it if other aspects of the job are good. My manager also had many good traits, so I tried to appreciate those and I did learn a lot from her.

  10. #10
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    I like Yarrow's idea, and I also understand you don't have the ability to make him get a lawyer, but since he lives with you, do you think you could present it that way, that if he is going to live with you, he needs to get a lawyer and go after SSI?

    Because I am worrying about the future when you are not there--he needs to be able to take care of himself then and SSI will provide a way for that to happen.

    And mostly worried about you right now, that sounds awful. Praying you can find another job. I had a boss like that and she literally ruined my career there, as well as about ten other people. Also praying he can get SSI and get into an independent living situation.

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