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Thread: Feeling sorry for DD during the holidays

  1. #31
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Catherine, wasn’t it DS 1 that said they weren’t spending Xmas with you guys? I find this very confusing.

  2. #32
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Catherine, wasn’t it DS 1 that said they weren’t spending Xmas with you guys? I find this very confusing.
    Yes, you're right--and then they changed their minds. But they didn't tell us that until last week. So I really don't know what's going on in DS's mind.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #33
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    I always come back to this: "We teach people how to treat us". Great relationships are negotiated. Constant acquiescence to 1 partner's demands is servitude IMO. If tolerated, it is the norm. Can't complain about something we allow.

    People like to say it's not that simple....but in fact, it is. Communicate communicate communicate.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    I always come back to this: "We teach people how to treat us". Great relationships are negotiated. Constant acquiescence to 1 partner's demands is servitude IMO. If tolerated, it is the norm. Can't complain about something we allow.

    People like to say it's not that simple....but in fact, it is. Communicate communicate communicate.
    Not necessarily true. I'm sure we discussed this before.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Too bad too sad for them. Hopefully next year you can all pick one day to celebrate in Jersey. Frugal, yes sometimes teaching people how to treat you ends up to you being alienated. Really difficult with kids and spouses.

  6. #36
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    Kids, spouses, inlaws, parents, blended families....... Friends of ours can have 3-4 sets of parents due to remarriage to try and placate. Only works to compromise. One family we are especially close with has three boys with three spouses and 3 set of inlaws. One of the spouises has parents who have remarried and two of the sons live a long drive away with one 3 hours and one 6 hours. And they have inlaws also who do not live close.

    This couple alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas each year with the inlaws. This year, the kids are spending it with the inlaws. No one gets everything and at least for the 3 sons, there are no arguments.
    .

  7. #37
    Senior Member SiouzQ.'s Avatar
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    Since neither K or I have family anywhere nearby by, for the second year in a row we are going to go up to Ojo Caliente Hot Springs and soak all Christmas Day and eat a turkey and trimming dinner in the restaurant. Of course it is not very busy that day. We have such opposite work schedules that we rarely get days off together so this is a super win-win for both of us!

    Back in Michigan when I worked at Wholefoods, it was the only day out of the year the store was closed and by then, I was cpmpletely exhausted from working. All I really wanted to do was stay home and be by myself that day but alas I was the one that usually needed to drive my mom up to Flint to have Xmas with my sister and her family. There may have been one year where I did bow out and stayed home for my sanity!

  8. #38
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Wishing you, SQ and K ,a wonderful time to relax and enjoy each other's company.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugal-one View Post
    Not necessarily true. I'm sure we discussed this before.
    It makes me super sad that you would write it off rather than have a discussion with her about communicating for a healthy relationship rather than a life of taking the backseat.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    It makes me super sad that you would write it off rather than have a discussion with her about communicating for a healthy relationship rather than a life of taking the backseat.
    Not sure what you mean by this. But, there are times when people are going to try and treat you whatever way they feel. You have a choice to either accept it or terminate the relationship. We don't necessarily train people how to treat us. There are times when you can bulk up all you want and it doesn't matter... ie narcissistic people are many times clueless. You obviously have not had these types of people in your life so cannot understand how to deal with them.

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