Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21

Thread: That authenticity thing

  1. #11
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    4,607
    That is a cool analogy, Razz.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Geila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,328
    razz - your post reminded me of this:

    You Were Made For This
    Clarissa Pinkola Estes

    Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

    One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these -- to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

    There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate. [...]

    In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

    --Clarissa Pinkola Estes

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    3,409
    Geila, I so resonate with this:
    "I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate. "

    I love this. I refuse to allow myself to continue in negative thinking. There was a wonderful book many years ago entitled You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought. I actually think that is very true, on a spiritual, mental, and physical level.

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,892
    Thank you all.

    herbgeek, I’m glad if I could help.

    not letting despair eat from my plate is a big one for me.

    i wear my starfish necklace pretty much every day. So that it is right their reminding me that I can’t save every starfish on the beach, but I can make a difference to “this one.”

    I struggle sometimes because my life is really really good. I sat at Christmas surrounded by my happy healthy children, celebrating the coming grandchild and surrounded by their love, and it was so hard for me to shut up the voice telling me another woman’s child was in prison, another woman’s child was in the hospital, another woman’s child was gone. This has always been true. It will always be true. And to deny joy because you know it to be true is to decide that no one, anywhere, at any time, should feel joy. Which is the opposite of what I believe to be right and good.

    there should be as much joy as possible.

  5. #15
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    10,086
    CL, did you ever read the book The Secret Life of Bees? One of the characters, May, is extremely emotionally sensitive, and in order to keep from crying all the time, she writes down all the sad things and stuffs the scraps of paper in the stone wall. Kind of a Southern wailing wall.

    You remind me of this character in terms of carrying the sadness of the world on your shoulders. One of my Al-Anon friends used to tell me that she would write down things that distressed her about her alcoholic husband and then put the notes in a "God box" and hand it over to her Higher Power.

    Maybe you need some secular form of a God box where you can release all your sadness about these women and their children. You have such a BIG heart.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  6. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,892
    Have read the book. Actually didn’t like it all that much. I’m too pragmatic to see any benefit in that writing thing, although perhaps that’s what I’m doing here - just needing to tell another human.

    it’s my pain that hurts me, not theirs.

    Today one of my students suggested I do something that would be way too much work. I replied “I love you guys, but I’m not doing that.” And one of my favorite kids, whom I’ve taught for years, looked up and asked “Did you just say you LOVE us?” I looked him right back in the eye and very matter of fact said “yes.”

    That kid had me laying my head on a coworker’s table and sobbing last year. He is doing really well now. Yes kid, I love you.

  7. #17
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Topeka, KS
    Posts
    523
    Just want to say it's good to see you back on the board, Chicken Lady. Thanks for sharing your private life. I saw a meme on Facebook the other day and shared it: shoutout to girls who haven't felt okay lately, but get up everyday and refuse to quit. stay strong queens.

    That's a lot of us.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    1,376
    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    we go through storms, we don't stay in them.
    This is JUST what I needed to get through my "storms" right now. Thank you so much!!!
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,892
    Two things.

    i did not tell my bio kids about our friend, because I did not want to burden them. The mom started a fundraiser for legal and medical costs which came to my dd2 because they are Facebook friends. Dd2 called me thinking she needed to tell me. I accidentally provided her with details she did not have, to which she responded “I wish I didn’t know that.” I am somewhat relieved at having someone else know even though I feel terrible that she does. Also I am second guessing how I could have handled the whole thing better. And wondering if I should tell the other two kids.

    A conversation with my boss this week leads me to believe that I will be getting my least desired acceptable schedule. Dd1 says I am a terrible negotiator because I tell people right up front what I have to have. She says people don’t do that. That I should tell them I need xyz and then negotiate for x and y. I say I need x and y and I would like z and this is why I feel that way. Then I expect you to explain to me why I can’t have z if I don’t get it and my relationship with you is forever colored by how I feel about that explanation. Also when people come back and say “we can’t do y” I say, “ok, thanks for trying to work with me, good luck.” And then if they say “wait, wait, maybe we can do y.” I never trust them again.

    So basically, my boss came to ask me if the schedule she had in mind fell within my parameters because she was concerned that it didn’t have any z’s, and I said yes because even though I don’t like it, it’s acceptable. She had good reasons and while I don’t have to like them, they are what they are. And yes, other employees may well be getting more of what they want because they are less honest about wants vs. needs. And I may be getting less in order to accommodate them. I can’t change the system, I can only change me. I believe that she would give me what I want if she felt could, but she has to consider the whole program. I did tell her “if I have to do that, could I also do this?” (An add on that wasn’t viable with my first choice, so I didn’t ask for it) and she said “yes, I think so, let me see if I can work it in.”

    She knows what she can count on from me and where my values are. The flip side of that is that she doesn’t ever ask me to do things that don’t align with those values, and when I stuck my head in her office yesterday and said “hey, there’s this cool program (thirty second description) can I send out parent letters and recruit kids and can I have this much money?” She just said “Yes. Go for it.” SOP is “send a written proposal with details and the parent letter for review. Identify the source of your money.”

    Eventually the business manager will probably come ask me where the money is supposed to come from, and I will say “I don’t know, (director) said I could have it.” And i will never have to think about it again.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    8,593
    It sounds to me like you are upfront and honest and your boss appreciates that plus she trusts you.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •