Myths of memory and aging

[iris lilies]

I insisted that DH retire when I did because I did not want him to come home in from working and see me laying on the couch and make snarky remarks about couch sitting.

He has always been self directed, so I didn't worry about him losing his way. But Surprisingly, he does a fair amount of couch sitting now. He also does TV watching in the daytime when we are in Hermann which he never did before. Our television was never on during the day prior to retirement. He does sudoku puzzles while watching TV. The Hermann TV watching also comes in between lumberjacking and building stuff, so it’s not like he’s sitting around all day it’s intermittent tv/ couching.

We have to develop some social contacts here in Hermann. We know a few people superficially. But to really get to know people, we need to do community work. Frankly, I dread the garden club because I know their work means maintaining public plantings. Ugh, I do enough if that at home. But I am not interested enough in the archives or historical preservation groups to get my hands dirty there.

There’s also a big and active senior citizen center that has a very handsome building where people play cards and etc. DH is a big card player so you can easily become a member of those groups

[Teacher Terry]

My husband has become very active in our Scottish and Irish groups. Not only has it kept him busy but he has made some of his own male friends. He could care less about how the house looks so he never tries to direct me. My ex would have done that though. Although I have moved a lot and started over but now we have such great friends and a support system that we would never consider it. Plus everyone loves it here and intends to stay.

[iris lilies]

My husband has become very active in our Scottish and Irish groups. Not only has it kept him busy but he has made some of his own male friends. He could care less about how the house looks so he never tries to direct me. My ex would have done that though. Although I have moved a lot and started over but now we have such great friends and a support system that we would never consider it. Plus everyone loves it here and intends to stay.

I am trying to retire my Scottish heritage obsession and embrace my German ancestors. We had a lot of fun with the St Louis Scottish heritage society at one time.

Hermann is a German town with active German traditions and culture. It is hard to give up the Scots. I spent 60 years gravitating toward Scotland. But I have to give up the Scot’s stuff because we cannot trace our genealogy past our original immigrant in the late 1800s. Meanwhile my German ancestors laid out many generations in an old and clearly written document.

DH is Swiss which is of course quite Germanic in modern cultural things.

But I love Scotland so much in a romantic way, I just don’t have those feelings for the German part of the world.

[Teacher Terry]

I am Irish, English, German and Polish. My husband is half Scottish. He can trace his roots way back. He has gotten so caught up in it that he wears the traditional outfit to the big events. The first time Max saw him in a kilt he couldn’t stop barking and growling). It seems silly to me but he is having fun so I am not saying a thing. He was lucky enough to get the whole outfit for 50 when it’s worth about 300. Someone’s brother died and his sister was selling it on Craigslist. She kindly held it for him until he could make the 3 hour drive. Very lucky the size was right.

[catherine]

I am trying to retire my Scottish heritage obsession and embrace my German ancestors. We had a lot of fun with the St Louis Scottish heritage society at one time.

There is a linguistic shared trait that the Scots and the Germans have, which I think is so fascinating. As we all know, Britain is made up of the Angles and the Saxons. There was a huge Germanic influence right from the get-go. And as we all know, in 1066, the French moved invaded there were a lot of strong influences in all areas of culture.

About 400 years later, the Great Vowel Shift started to occur in England. The funny thing is, The Scots didn't go along for the ride for the most part--they kept parts of the Saxon element of the language, and where vowels shifted in England, they never moved in Scotland.

That's why many Scots still say "nicht" for "night" and "hoose" for "house" and stuff like that.

IL, you probably are aware of this, but I've always found it fascinating.

[jp1]

Her husband had retired a few months earlier and he followed her around, directing her activities, closing doors as she opened them and trying to direct her life as he did his employees.

This is exactly what my dad did when he retired. Finally, after a few months, my mom sat him down and gently told him that she had been doing the housekeeping just fine for forty years and didn't need his assistance, and that he needed to find a hobby. He ended up taking up walking. Every morning he'd wander off in a random direction and when he got tired or bored he'd catch the bus home from wherever he was. It got him out of the house and they both lived happily ever after.

SO and I are still probably a decade away from retiring, but I sometimes wonder what SO is going to do. I have some ideas about what I will do with my time, but SO doesn't have a lot of outside interests. He gets bored if it's a 3 day weekend and we haven't made plans to go out of town. Hopefully he'll find something more fulfilling than spending his days watching marathons of Below Deck, Deep Space Nine, Dr. Pimplepopper and Harry Potter, which is currently how he spends most weekends.

[SteveinMN]

When I retired it surprised me the number of people who talk to me about part-time work. Or consulting.

DW retires on May 15, 2020. She's already planning a consulting business, largely because she finds the work rewarding but the bureaucracy stifling. This way she can work for family clients and avoid a good chunk of the nonsense. But that's what she says now. I suspect she'll take several weeks off through June and, by then, consulting may not be how she wants to spend many of her hours. We will see. Having her around the house most of the time is going to be a huge adjustment for me (kind of the reverse of the retired-husband situation except that her style isn't cleaning or closing doors).

[Tammy]

My husband retired in August 2019. I continue to work about 45 hours a week. It will be about 6 years until I retire.

Our current arrangement is that he does everything at home, other than I like to do my own laundry do I do that. Also I pay the bills because I always have. So I’m loving it. It’s like I have a personal assistant. He’s doing great as his personality is a good fit for this situation.

So far so good. I can’t imagine being home full time. But that’s in the future so we’ll deal with it then.

[pinkytoe]

Purpose and meaning are fuzzy words. In a matter of years, few will remember we even existed so as things wind down, perhaps the best thing is to feel useful, spend time with people you like to be with or alone if you wish, learn and try new things and just not take everything so seriously. If paid work/career does it for you, then continue. These lists can be guilt inducing if one isn't living up to those standards.