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Thread: This is dark and possibly upsetting

  1. #91
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    Does anybody here watch “new Amsterdam“ on Hulu? The episode called Sabbath (season two episode 14) is really good. One of the storylines is a young boy who is gifted and Latino. He doesn’t want to think of anything or anyone he knows as racist because he wants to think well of them, but the stress and shame of the unrecognized micro-aggressions he feels causes high cortisol levels, which In turn caused stomach tumors which had to be removed. There’s a line at the end where the psychologist tells him that we can’t fix the darkness in the world, but that if we can name our feelings then we can find treatment for them.

  2. #92
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    I watched it, but the sound didn’t work, so I turned the subtitles on. *I* find that very dark. But I suppose I accept life as it is in the sense that I affirm that it is so, but I do not accept life as it is in the sense that I am willing to settle for what is. I’m more of an ant-rubber tree plant type. Except I’m an ant who says “well, this probably isn’t going to work.” And then does it anyway.

    TT, there is a difference between depression and sadness. Even deep and lasting sadness. You can be happy and sad at the same time too. I would not want to be any kind of happy that was based in denial.

    yesterday I had a student who I know is struggling with some home stuff and who normally has excellent personal hygiene arrive very unshowered. They said they had to leave early, and when the other kids, who like them very much, asked why, they said “for reasons. To do stuff.” Which was very out of character for them. I picked up with an airy “people to see, places to go, things to do...” and transitioned to the lesson. I have already let this student know that I understand that their situation will affect their work and I am happy to work with them and to please let me know if they need anything. So, all could think to do was send them a quick note last night about what they missed with a small bit of humor in it. I got back “LOL. Good to know.” So for that moment, I was happy.

    I am still sad about their struggle, but it doesn’t mean we can’t laugh together. That I don’t enjoy their company and our interactions. I cry at home a lot because the momentary positives are over and I know the suckiness remains. And then I am drained and I sleep. When I have another thing to do - like the note - I do that instead of crying. Crying is not useful, so I “save” it for when I don’t feel I can be useful.

    pushing on the rubber tree “gets me out of bed in the morning”. *Because* I find it’s location unbearable. If I believed it was ok to just settle for the world as it is, *Then* I would probably become depressed. Then I would be living in the man of lamancha’s world of despair.

    my initial post is dark because it is a postcard from a visit there. - this is bad and right now I see nowhere to push, send lawyers guns and money.....

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I watched it, but the sound didn’t work, so I turned the subtitles on. *I* find that very dark. But I suppose I accept life as it is in the sense that I affirm that it is so, but I do not accept life as it is in the sense that I am willing to settle for what is. I’m more of an ant-rubber tree plant type. Except I’m an ant who says “well, this probably isn’t going to work.” And then does it anyway.

    TT, there is a difference between depression and sadness. Even deep and lasting sadness. You can be happy and sad at the same time too. I would not want to be any kind of happy that was based in denial.

    yesterday I had a student who I know is struggling with some home stuff and who normally has excellent personal hygiene arrive very unshowered. They said they had to leave early, and when the other kids, who like them very much, asked why, they said “for reasons. To do stuff.” Which was very out of character for them. I picked up with an airy “people to see, places to go, things to do...” and transitioned to the lesson. I have already let this student know that I understand that their situation will affect their work and I am happy to work with them and to please let me know if they need anything. So, all could think to do was send them a quick note last night about what they missed with a small bit of humor in it. I got back “LOL. Good to know.” So for that moment, I was happy.

    I am still sad about their struggle, but it doesn’t mean we can’t laugh together. That I don’t enjoy their company and our interactions. I cry at home a lot because the momentary positives are over and I know the suckiness remains. And then I am drained and I sleep. When I have another thing to do - like the note - I do that instead of crying. Crying is not useful, so I “save” it for when I don’t feel I can be useful.

    pushing on the rubber tree “gets me out of bed in the morning”. *Because* I find it’s location unbearable. If I believed it was ok to just settle for the world as it is, *Then* I would probably become depressed. Then I would be living in the man of lamancha’s world of despair.

    my initial post is dark because it is a postcard from a visit there. - this is bad and right now I see nowhere to push, send lawyers guns and money.....
    CL, when I read your initial post I thought hard about whether to respond. I felt a responsibility to you as a member of our shared community, as though you were calling for our help. It was like driving by someone who had driven off the side of the road into a snowbank-- very common where I live this time of year, thus the best metaphor I can think of. It is a shared community responsibility--someone needs to stop for that person. So I stopped, tried to share what I had felt and what I had done to feel better, the way you would offer a tow back onto the road if you could.

    So it is odd to have you using the old "have you stopped beating your wife yet" metaphor. Really odd, and it feels pretty aggressive, really. So that is why I am giving your the snowbank metaphor, so that you can see what I perceived and what I tried to do by posting. It was not to trap you into a snowbank, or to comment on your driving, or anything like that.

    I wish you all the peace in the world and all the happiness you can find, doing what you think best. But I won't comment anymore on your situation, because I don't understand where you are coming from, and I think the misunderstanding is mutual, and the last thing I want to do is make someone feel worse, or attacked.
    Last edited by Tybee; 2-21-20 at 8:12am. Reason: missing a word

  4. #94
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    Tybee, I don’t feel attacked, I feel frustrated. You can’t give a meaningful answer to the question because it doesn’t allow for the possibility that you never beat your wife to begin with. I feel like there are people who can’t (I choose can’t instead if won’t deliberately) allow for the possibility that I am simply not depressed.

    I’m off the road, you see ice, but I stopped to shut my door properly and it’s so cold that my engine won’t restart. I don’t need a tow. I need jumper cables.

  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Tybee, I don’t feel attacked, I feel frustrated. You can’t give a meaningful answer to the question because it doesn’t allow for the possibility that you never beat your wife to begin with. I feel like there are people who can’t (I choose can’t instead if won’t deliberately) allow for the possibility that I am simply not depressed.

    I’m off the road, you see ice, but I stopped to shut my door properly and it’s so cold that my engine won’t restart. I don’t need a tow. I need jumper cables.
    CL, you are in a place where your emotional state impacts the contentment in your life. You don’t have to call that depression if you don’t want to, and it may not be clinical depression, I have no idea.


    But if you truly just want tools to deal with a depressed teens in your life, why come to this place for those tools? That doesn’t make logical sense to me and as many have suggested, there are professional sources all over the Internet, books etc. that give guidance on this topic.

    You do come here to talk about your life, as we all do. But so many of your posts lead with your mental health where you tell us you are low energy, you are broken, your deep sadness is ongoing. This is an ongoing pattern in your posts.


    It’s only reasonable and logical, since you are into logic, that people here respond to the main idea you’re putting forth—Your mental state is of concern to you.


    I think that your mental health would benefit with the right therapeutic guidance in helping you change some of your thinking patterns as well as hands-on tools for you to use in your daily life with teens. Both of those are probably important but because you reject number one and because this website doesn’t give you authoritative tools for number two, not much can be done here.I don’t have jumper cables in my car, so I’ll just have to drive on by and wave at you as I go.

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    Does anybody here watch “new Amsterdam“ on Hulu? The episode called Sabbath (season two episode 14) is really good. One of the storylines is a young boy who is gifted and Latino. He doesn’t want to think of anything or anyone he knows as racist because he wants to think well of them, but the stress and shame of the unrecognized micro-aggressions he feels causes high cortisol levels, which In turn caused stomach tumors which had to be removed. There’s a line at the end where the psychologist tells him that we can’t fix the darkness in the world, but that if we can name our feelings then we can find treatment for them.
    I watch it! It was a wonderful episode and this is a very REAL physical problem. I love the psychologist character.

  7. #97
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    I was at the doctor's office the other day and saw a plaque on the checkout desk which has stuck with me as I wrestle with internal struggles.
    You have three choices to deal with a situation that bothers you: accept it, change it or leave it.
    CL, I don't recall your line of work specifically but it sounds like it is not good for your "soul". Much like a social worker who can no longer take the daily misery of trying to help abused children as my daughter once did.
    She is so much more at peace since leaving that profession.

  8. #98
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    I choose B.

    actually, most days my job feeds my soul more than anything else in my life. Not because my life is barren, because my job is rich.

    IL. You have a good point about my posts here. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, my reasons for making those posts are poor, it has taken me this long to come to that realization, and I will not do it any more.

  9. #99
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    When I graduated, a counselor dangled a social worker position in front of me. After I stopped gasping from laughter (OK, some hyperbole there), I realized what torture that job would be. Not only because I'm the farthest thing from a "people person," but because I'd be alternately wanting to slap the crap out of people who repeatedly messed up their own (and others') lives and resisting the impulse to sob uncontrollably with those who were victims of circumstance. I did much better with gadgets...

  10. #100
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I changed my career from a social worker with abused children to testing adults with disabilities to help them get back to work. The first job was literally killing my soul.

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