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Thread: This is dark and possibly upsetting

  1. #51
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    CL, what about studying to become an art therapist? I always thought that would be such a cool way to work with families.

  2. #52
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    CL: In your initial post, you quoted your DH as saying that you are "broken." You also asked, "what do you do? How do you make it enough? How do you make it stop hurting and if you don’t, how do you live like a normal person anyway?"
    As Catherine referenced, if you had asked for resources in dealing with depressed/suicidal teenagers, the conversation would have evolved quite differently.
    Anecdote on depression and medication: My sister takes medication for depression. She is an RN in a bone-marrow transplant unit in a major hospital. I don't think I could ever do her job, and I wonder sometimes if she would have the same struggles with depression in a different line of work, i.e. to what extent in the problem within her and to what extent is it a "normal" response to the nature of her job? However, her medication most definitely does not stop her from caring, she is incredibly caring and compassionate. It does make it possible for her to function and provide very real and necessary help for these people, as opposed to curling up in a ball on her couch and crying for them, which really does them no good whatsoever.

  3. #53
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    deleting for when I have more time to write...
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  4. #54
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    CL: In your initial post, you quoted your DH as saying that you are "broken." You also asked, "what do you do? How do you make it enough? How do you make it stop hurting and if you don’t, how do you live like a normal person anyway?"
    As Catherine referenced, if you had asked for resources in dealing with depressed/suicidal teenagers, the conversation would have evolved quite differently.
    CL, this is a really good thread to start so thank you for doing so. As I have read the posts that followed, I offer this response.

    Most people are caring and most deal with similar pain; at times, it is a huge storm of emotions and deeply troubled thoughts. Fundamentally, it is a normal part of human experience. Some people withdraw and freeze into remoteness as their response.

    As the posters have offered their approach to dealing with the pain as they have encountered it as a part of their normal life, they have found a way to cope and shared their caring and support for you.

    Triggers of this pain are unique to each as is the approach to find some form of coping. What is common to all is that they have encountered this kind of pain at some point or seen others doing so.

    The loss of a child or a spouse or a business or 9/11 or a crime or a car accident etc., etc., are happening every day to millions of people around our wonderful world in some form or other. Some stay in the pain, some struggle with it for a long time until finding some resolution and some take charge. We are each unique and need to find our own pathway through it.

    I happen to value my different experiences with emotional and mental anguish as I have grown so much resulting in becoming a wiser, more caring human being. I always try to walk in another's shoes now before judging and watch my speech so much more that I did earlier. I have gained such enormous gratitude for all the incredible amount of good going on around me every day that never gets mentioned in the news.

    Please come back when you have found your peace and share with us.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  5. #55
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Thank you to the people who chose not to diagnose me with a mental disorder (and even better, prescribe medication) based on their unqualified assessment of posts that explore only one part of my life.

    Years ago, when I still worked, the winter weather in Portland took a bad turn. As I waited at my bus stop, an ice storm began in earnest. I waited for an hour with wind-driven ice pellets stinging my face, and when the bus finally arrived, it took the driver two long hours in crazy weather and traffic to make the trip. I arrived at work hours late only to be greeted by an announcement thanking "those who got to work on time." I vowed that I'd never make an extraordinary effort to get to work ever again, and I didn't.

    As far as I can tell no one's input was helpful to you, and probably not a few of us will throw up our hands and just choose not to try in the future. For which you will undoubtedly be thankful.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Gardnr, I used the word “depression” responding to to nswef. I was not trying to say I am depressed, I was trying to say, a therapist gives people tools to handle depression. What tools would they give me to handle the actual problem?
    Your husband knows you best and you've said how much you love him. His comment should be important enough to you to go seek some guidance. Obviously the tools we all have received from our counselors is useless to you. You have been offered soooo many exploration options and suggestions from the cumulative experiences of our members. And you have determined that NOTHING here is useful to you. Go to a counselor for professional discussion rather than the cumulative wisdom you've been given here. There is no shame in seeking professional help however you sound highly resistant to the idea that it might be exactly what will help you down this path to a healthier self.

    I wish you peace.

  7. #57
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    Good advice so far. Have you considered all the media and being overwhelmed with it?
    Sometimes watching the news makes me crazy. Just too frustrating. Makes me think there is no hope for the world.
    Unplug for a while. Best wishes.

  8. #58
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    As far as I can tell no one's input was helpful to you, and probably not a few of us will throw up our hands and just choose not to try in the future. For which you will undoubtedly be thankful.
    This made me snort as in it is a funny truth of life.

    I am a moderator on another forum and I have to be nice on that forum because it’s Nextdoor, the neighborhood forum where people know me in real life. So yeah, I have to be nice. That is hard for me.

    Anyway, someone made a post about two homeless people she sees regularly who beg for money, and what can we do about that sad situation, how can we help them, She is sad about them, etc.

    Some smart assed person responded with “ well aren't YOU a caring and concerned monkey?!!?” which immediately makes reference in my mind to our greater family, the apes, who pet each other and touch hands to heads and etc to give comfort when they are all upset. It also makes reference to the current game of virtue signaling which I find tiresome.

    But I immediately deleted that rude post, tho it made me laugh and I agreed with it,
    because I am responsible for maintaining an atmosphere of respectful dialog and etc.

    I dont have a specific point here other than the pain of the world is felt and handled differently by us humans, and if we dont all have the same reaction to a specific set of circumstances, that is normal and ok. CL is perfectly within her rights to be annoyed at all of the unhelpful monkey hands that reached out to her. The helpers may be annoyed as well. It is all ok.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    IL, if she had asked the specific questions that she has now asked neither her or the other posters who tried to help and got chastised for it would have wasted their valuable time.

  10. #60
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    I can understand how being told to go to therapy or take meds (although I think people were mostly suggesting the former) could be offensive. I don't default to therapy because it's not a solution I've personally found helpful. Other people have. I might truly believe as good a resources (such as books and support groups) are available for free or cheap as spending a fortune on therapy. I don't think there are necessarily better answers in therapy than in a free support group. Others have other experiences.

    My criticism of therapy is also that it never addressed the problems I wanted addressed. But those problems have to be in some theoretical possibility addressable as well, one can't demand the impossible.
    Trees don't grow on money

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