This is dark and possibly upsetting

[Tammy]

Let it be known that I have pulled my head back and am no longer sticking my neck out. 😄

[ApatheticNoMore]

But I feel terribly guilty if I want to discuss salad spinners, or instant pots or anchovies or something, even if I have time off and am not doing a darn thing (and all I really gotta do is live and die).

I rather like talking philosophy (whether or not it involves salad spinners). Other than that much information is online, as they said back in the day google (bing, duckduckgo) is your friend!

[Chicken lady]

ANM, you go ahead and rock out with the salad spinners. I won’t harsh your bliss.

[rosarugosa]

CL: I am always amazed at how difficult effective communication can be. When DH & I communicate poorly, I wonder what hope there can be for the rest of the world since we have been a happily bonded pair since we were children. In any event, just because it's difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

[Geila]

Steve - Add me to the list of people who are very happy that you made it out of the dark place. I'm grateful that you are alive on this planet. You make it a better place. And I'm sorry that you were ever in that place to begin with. The book that I have found most helpful in coming to a place of acceptance is When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön. Of course, I also believe that when we're ready, the teacher shows up in one form or another. You were ready and allowed the teacher in. I wish you continued peace and happiness.

Your post made me think of the saying about comparing our insides to other people's outsides. I never would have thought that you were in that place and in that amount of pain. You've always struck me as a very happy and contented person. More and more I find that getting to know others challenges my perceptions and allows a connectedness that is not possible when we are closed off. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I hope that we can lessen your burden, even if just a little bit, and provide you a sense of connection, even if it's from afar.

[SteveinMN]

Thank you, Geila. I thought long and hard about writing what I did. Not the kind of thing one broadcasts from rooftops. But it seemed appropriate. At least my post seems to have served a broader purpose here.

I have long believed pain is not a stopping place. I have difficulty understanding why anyone would want to remain there. Of course, there's recognizing that one is stuck -- and that can be subject to interpretation. I denied being stuck for a long time. Some might have caught on to that faster than I did; others might have needed even longer. People; they're just hard to figure out.

[iris lilies]

Steve, Imdont especially like computers any more, they annoy me too often.

But the humans, they are impossible.

Dogs—that’s the ticket. And cats.

[Yppej]

Also so glad you are here Steve. Your absence would be a big loss.

[happystuff]

Thanks so much for sharing, Steve. So glad you are here as well.

When I think I am not doing enough or doing things "right" or helping as much as I can, etc. etc. etc. I try to remember to just go back to basics - smile as much as possible, be nice, and be kind. These three things are chosen behaviors and are ALWAYS possible, and if I can get through a whole day doing those three things, it gives me hope.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Steve, I was a fan of the old T.V. show M.A.S.H. and still watch it in reruns on an oldies channel. When I finally heard the words to the opening theme song I was, shocked is not the right word, but startled maybe to hear "suicide is painless, it brings on many changes. And, I can take or leave it if I please.". Suicide is NOT painless for the families and friends who are left with the pain forever. My husband came from a family where suicide was way too commonplace. I am talking his father, 2 uncles and 2 brothers. At the minimum. There may have been a niece also. So I have seen the devastation, questions, and overwhelming pain that is left in the aftermath. When my husband passed away suddenly of an apparent massive heart attack, one of my first thoughts was "at least I won't have to see him go through what his brothers went through". And, they were good, functioning members of society. Not some hopeless derelict who gives up on life. But they did, they had too in their minds. I am so happy Steve that you got help and didn't give up.

CL I have no answers. I know the world is a very depressing and ugly place at times and I guess my way of dealing with it is hiding my head in the sand too much. I seldom watch the news. On facebook, I scroll by things that "hurt my heart" and if I do see/read something terribly bad, it haunts me for a long time. I have a friend who also is a potter and we were discussing an issue one day where I was wanting to do something, do more, and she very gently said "you do what you can". I recall those words in different situations. I do what I can.