This is dark and possibly upsetting

[Gardnr]

Steve, I’m glad you are alive. I am also glad you are doing better.

Thank you to the people who chose not to diagnose me with a mental disorder (and even better, prescribe medication) based on their unqualified assessment of posts that explore only one part of my life. I’m pretty sure I’m not depressed -

I want to be clear. I did NOT diagnose you. You used the word.

[mschrisgo2]

CL, the people who are working most/best/innovating, with troubled teens are in residential treatment field, and counselors. There are a couple of books out written for parents on “how to help your troubled teen without losing your mind.” But you may not want to read any books.

[Yppej]

Many suicidal individuals could have been saved through effective treatment - medication and/or talk therapy. One way to help them is to model accepting this type of treatment.

On Intervention some young people are only willing to receive behavioral health help when their parents go for help also.

Admitting psychological problems and seeking help for them is a big step in destigmatizing mental illness and saving lives.

[Tybee]

Steve, I am so glad you found a good counselor and are feeling better.
hicken Lady, sorry my post gave offense. I think many people on this board are kind and reach out to those who state they are in pain. It's one of the things I appreciate about this board and about people in general.

I want to comment on those who posted here and tried to help.

I think your kindness is apparent, and I think you make the world better by your kindness.

Chicken Lady, I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Chicken lady]

Gardnr, I used the word “depression” responding to to nswef. I was not trying to say I am depressed, I was trying to say, a therapist gives people tools to handle depression. What tools would they give me to handle the actual problem? If your neighbor cuts all your bushes down and piles them in your driveway and you get angry, you do not have an anger problem, you have a neighbor problem.

again, my communication style does not work here.

and mschrisgo2, I like books.

[Chicken lady]

I do understand that people are trying to help, but many of them are trying to help solve a problem I feel they have assigned to me in error and I am not able to make them hear the problem I actually need help with. This is as frustrating online as it is irl, when say - you ask your mom for help with the kids and she comes over and decides to rearrange your house because she thinks that is what you need, and meanwhile, you are still trying to feed a baby and potty train a toddler and now you are bumping into furniture that wasn’t there before.

[danna]

Sorry CL
Have you considered that most of us and the people in your life you are asking
these questions of: Do not have any more answers then you do?
Therefore we all are just trying to help you find ways to cope with how you feel?
You did say that both you and your Dh thought you were broken that does imply
to most people that a fix is needed and being asked for?
So, I see now that you did not mean a fix for you but, the world
Again, sorry there is no one fix for that.

[danna]

Steve to you I am glad to hear you were able get past the dark spot!
Admitting to needing help is what got me past it too.
Take care

[happystuff]

I had been sent a link to the article a long time ago and it took me a while to find it. Hopefully it works:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-per...thy-1480689513

The part that has stuck with me ever since I read it was this quote by neuroscientists Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki:

"In contrast to empathy, compassion does not mean sharing the suffering of the other: rather, it is characterized by feelings of warmth, concern and care for the other, as well as a strong motivation to improve the other’s well-being. Compassion is feeling for and not feeling with the other.”

Another part of the article stated:

"These studies also revealed practical differences between empathy and compassion. Empathy was difficult and unpleasant—it wore people out. This is consistent with other findings suggesting that vicarious suffering not only leads to bad decision-making but also causes burnout and withdrawal.Compassion training, by contrast, led to better feelings on the part of the meditator and kinder behavior toward others. It has all the benefits of empathy and few of the costs."

Anyway, thought this might help or at least provide some food for thought. Hugs out to you, CL.

[catherine]

I'm sorry, CL, for misinterpreting the problem. The way I see it, you didn't frame your need in terms of suggested books and tools to learn how to deal with suffering teenagers. You framed it as a real emotional emptiness and despair around that part of your life. I think many of us read it that way, whether you intended that to be the message or not. If you are asking for advice on tools on how to help kids with their pain, I retract my advice, because I certainly am not qualified in that area. I'll say again, that I think you are an amazing human being doing the most she can with her heart and her talents. I hope you find tools you need to help you.