Inheritances

[catherine]

I came across this early morning click-bait article this morning about famous people who didn't leave their money to their kids.

That got me thinking about inheritances in general.

One thing I learned about inheritances through life experiences is that no one cares about money like the person who worked for it. (I know, I know, these are not the words of a bleeding-heart liberal) In my family, unfortunately, I've seen inheritances absolutely wasted, and in some cases inheritances have enabled addictions. As I've said before, every time I think of my BIL throwing his inheritance away, I think of how many hours my MIL spent on her feet at Macy's earning that money. I think of my own mother--when my stepfather inherited 80k (1970 dollars), he and my mother spent freely and foolishly, and ultimately, my stepfather quit work and fell off the wagon and became addicted to pills and booze, which led to my mother's second divorce. A mere eight years after that inheritance, my mother had sold her two Cadillacs and was asking me if she could have a beat-up old car that I was trading in for a newer one. I've seen this outside my family--young adult kids doing around the world travel with inheritances and coming back broke.

For this reason, I don't mind being generous to my kids while I'm alive, but if I'm not concerned about leaving them my life savings.

What about you--What is your attitude toward inheritances?

[Tybee]

Oh man, this is a really sore subject right now. I am not sure what my attitude is, except maybe there is no such thing as an inheritance until someone dies, which should be obvious, but is not to my brother, who views my parents' money as "his inheritance" and I think that is really problematic. It means, for example, my mom can't do what she has wanted for 25 years, to leave me her house. So this great house goes out of the family because it would come "out of his inheritance."

Both my parents inherited from their families. My dad used his to put his kids through college. Mom kept hers separate and plans to leave it to her kids in her will, unless my brother manages to take over all her property.

I see families ripped apart over perceived unfairness, and it seems to relate to feelings that "Mom always liked you better" and now I am going to get even.

I think all inheritances should be handled by trust officers and you should figure out what you want and get it in writing while you are still of sound mind and your heirs, if disgruntled, can go pound sand.

All that being said, I want to leave my kids a nice, helpful inheritance, and I want it to be completely equal.

[iris lilies]

Interestingly, my DH’s family of siblings who get along and are (mostly) reasonable people are now going to court over the family farm.

why they dont just sell the damn thing is beyond me.

My parents were very clear that we should not expect any money upon their death. My mom specifically said “your inheritance is your college tuition that’s what we’re paying for now.” Nonetheless she left my brother and me each $60,000, so that was a nice little amount enough to have some fun with but not enough to get in trouble over.

My brother handled her estate well with no problems, although it was simple. She had a brokerage account, a bank account that were both set ip for transfer on death. Her little house was newish and in demand so it wasn’t hard to get rid of, and we sold it to our cousin at a market rate.

[Tybee]

I went back and read the article, and I found myself really angry at all of the famous people for disinheriting their kids. I think that is insulting, so I guess in my family, there are expectations that you leave your kids money, if you can, and even better would be to leave something for the grandchildren. I think it's lousy to bring kids into the world or your life and then tell them, okay, you're on your own--go make your way--especially after you have given them an odd, non-normative lifestyle of great privilege. Sting has 400 million and can't leave anything to his kids? That is terrible stewardship.

[iris lilies]

Tybee, you are right that the “ non normative” life of great privilege can be a kick in the balls with no money to continue it.

Maybe Sting had regular discussions with his children about this issue, Discussions that guided them in their future vision of how Much they will get. Ha Hah Hah Hah Hah not likely.

Edit to add: I did read the article and
Sting seems upfront with the idea that they are spending their money now while he is alive and the kids benefit from that. For all we know maybe he’s handing them money and they could be investing and saving it now, but that is unlikely. If saving habits are not modeled by parents kids don’t know how to do that.


I like with Gordon Ramsay said about his kids —they do not ride in first class with him because they haven’t worked hard to earn it. That is funny.

[Tammy]

I’ve told my dad many times that he can do whatever he wants with his stuff - it’s his, not mine. He, on the other hand, worries a lot about how to make it fair.

So a year ago he signed over about 80 acres of farmland to each of his 4 kids. We have a verbal agreement that we will rent it to our one brother who is a farmer, as the rest of us have long ago moved away. When my farmer brother reaches age 72 we can then do as we like with the land. This was my dad’s way of ensuring that it was fair before he died.

His lawyer was aghast. “You can’t enforce that verbal agreement!” My dad said, “I trust my kids”.

So far it’s working out great.

I’ve never seen it done this way before. Time will tell.

[Gardnr]

Well, I begged Mom to spend every dime. She told me if I didn't want it, to give it away. She left each of 6 kids $30k. So, I paid the taxes, spent it on adult grandkids flying up to ski/snowboard in the winter for several years, gave a chunk to my sister's church for the music ministry.

Mom was never going to be the person who died broke even though she lived on a small fixed income. i was amazed she had that sizable asset.

We don't have kids. We have a trust-so only recipients will know what happens to our assets. A majority goes to local 'causes'.

[razz]

My parents' assets were divided fairly according to their will upon their passing. My brother handled the executor role as I had declined to be executor but agreed to be power of attorney for personal care.

Upon my DH's passing I gave each daughter a large lump sum and said the rest is mine to do with as I wish in my lifetime. Any balance after my passing goes to them equally according to my will.

[Teacher Terry]

My mom spent her money traveling and we were all glad she did. If we die with the house that will be split 5 ways. I hop to have spent the rest traveling. I don’t think kids are owed anything. Many wealthy people are leaving their kids some but the majority to charities like Bill Gates.

[herbgeek]

Given that my father died yesterday, this is freshly on my mind. One of my brothers, the one who was given the most, has a grievance that he's owed my parents money. My dad went and wrote my sister and I a letter (as we are co executors) outlining a number of financial gifts that my older brother got that we didn't knew about. My father was concerned that his son was going to cry poor house (and he is) and warned us not to listen to his half truths and fabrications. In the will, I get $20K first before the estate is divided up among us 4, because I was the only one who never took any financial outpatient assistance. At first I was uncomfortable with this, but now as I understand how much money my sibling s got, I'm at peace with it. Even the $20k is only a small fraction of what my siblings got through direct and indirect means (Dad gave my brother 10 years free rent for example).

That said, the money first flows to my mother, who has dementia. At the point where she realizes she either needs to move or hire caregivers, I want to hire good quality caregivers, and have all the house equity be spent that way so there's nothing left to split up. In 2 years, my dad's estate will be getting a large balloon payment for a business he sold and I expect we will have to go through all of this again at that point.