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Thread: on the subject of masks

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    That guy probably thinks he's protected. He isn't. None of us are protected from him, either. So even if everyone in the country had a pile of masks right at hand, without proper instruction and some way to correct the misapplications, is wearing one any more than another act in Security Theater? Not saying we should all go maskless; just that a rush to have everyone wear masks seems unlikely to result in the desired level of protection and could very well lull people (on both sides of the mask) into thinking they're protected when they're not.
    Exactly. 1 of the first things we're taught in healthcare is how to properly don/doff PPE. It is a big deal!

    I am making cloth masks upon request. I educate on don/doff to laypeople and ask them to wear only once and then launder and remind NEVER touch the outside of the facemask portion. Always assume it is filthy.

  2. #22
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    So, on this subject, and also on the subject of what's going on in New Jersey, my DH and my DS have been discussing having BIL come up here. (I'm covering my ears-I can hear y'all across cyberspace). He is very unhappy and depressed, feeling like a failure since his San Diego experiment didn't work out; he decided to come back to NJ at the worst possible time because of this virus--the job he thought he had has evaporated. He's by himself in a Red Roof Inn and my son feels his mental health is in jeopardy.

    My son who is young and with a heart of gold, but not very practical, feels we need to bring him up here. DH is guilted into agreeing (his mother wielding influence from the grave). My position is that, even if I were to be utterly selfless and let him live here in our small house for a month, there is no way I am comfortable until I am certain of his exposure to the virus, and his ability to self-quarantine.

    If we were to take all reasonable precautions yet still bring him into the fold, what are those reasonable precautions? DS said that he could stay in his apartment in Burlington, since DS is staying with us. He could self-quarantine there, but he would be there for probably a month without even seeing us because DH doesn't want him to come from Burlington to Grand Isle because of the possibility of exposure. Yet, DH is willing to take the risk of BIL driving directly to GI and staying with us. I am very concerned because DH has many of the risk factors--age, smoker, at least two serious comorbid conditions.

    Can BIL get tested? Does he have to be symptomatic to get tested? What is the actual risk of his exposure since he's been holed up in a hotel for two weeks now? What if we all wear masks?

    Or should I simply say no. I feel terrible for the guy, but I am up against DH and two sons who wants BIL up here. My oldest son agrees with me that he needs to self-quarantine first. But to be honest, DH doesn't trust BIL to self-quarantine properly and I tend to agree.

    So this is a risk assessment question, basically.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    It makes sense financially for him to move into your son’s apartment since your son is gone. But what happens when your son needs to move back in? I am so sorry that you have to worry about this. You can’t live in that small a house with him. He will never leave. But sometimes you just need to be tough. My middle son has been homeless off and on for years due to drug abuse. He is now 43 and sick in KC. Although I have bought him numerous phones they always disappear so I don’t know if he is alive or dead until someone lets him borrow a phone. We have helped him countless times but gave up about 4 years ago. Sending a hug)

  4. #24
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    It makes sense financially for him to move into your son’s apartment since your son is gone. But what happens when your son needs to move back in? I am so sorry that you have to worry about this. You can’t live in that small a house with him. He will never leave. But sometimes you just need to be tough. My middle son has been homeless off and on for years due to drug abuse. He is now 43 and sick in KC. Although I have bought him numerous phones they always disappear so I don’t know if he is alive or dead until someone lets him borrow a phone. We have helped him countless times but gave up about 4 years ago. Sending a hug)
    Thanks, TT... Hugs to you, too. We have a lot of addiction in my family so I know what you have gone through and how heartbreaking it is. You are very courageous and you are absolutely right. You can't help people until they are ready to be helped.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  5. #25
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    You should simply say no. I doubt he would drive straight anywhere without stopping for gas, bathroom breaks, snacks, etc.

  6. #26
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    The risk assessment is SO much bigger than Covid right now. Your health, your DH's health and your, dear Cath, your future financially, mentally and emotionally is at stake.

    No one is going to rescue you unless you take care of yourself. BIL is not your problem. If it is determined that he is able to make informed financial decisions, he is not your problem. If he is not mentally capable, there are options elsewhere to be chosen at his expense. Your sons who want you to take care of him due to his mental health issues have no idea of the financial toll and mental health issues that you will have if he comes to your little cottage. It is not their decision, not now and never has been. BIL is a leech who will suck you dry, financially, emotionally and especially mentally.

    Protect your self first. Your DH will eventually have to choose between his brother and you at some point. Sorry to say this, dear gentle heart, but that is what is coming to a head in the risk BIL poses to you. That is my assessment of the risk.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  7. #27
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    No. The risk assessment is beyond the immediate members of your family, and they haven't consented to take on that risk.

    People need to stay the heck home for some weeks.

    Everyone has a reason they are special - they aren't. Have him stay home.

    Send him money to stay where he safely is now if you have to, and Amazon Prime him an iPad so you can Skype all day long, but serious, no non-essential travel.

    Please.

  8. #28
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    I can't see this ending well. I cannot envison BiL traveling that distance without significant exposure and then where does he go? Even without COVID-19 as a factor, bringing him up to your place should be a non-starter. catherine, you've given him pretty much every break he could get from someone. He needs to figure this out for himself. You and DH can consult and maybe contribute a little financially, but you cannot continue to carry him.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  9. #29
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    No. You need to say no. Unless people have already been living in the same home, distance is imperative for mitigation. He has traveled far and been exposed to who knows how many people and have his behaviors been compliant? You and hubby are over 60 so high risk. If there is a single health problem for either of you, you double the risk.

    BIL is not your responsibility. You have done enough. Time to stand firm on Tough Love.

  10. #30
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    Catherine, I am so sorry this has happened with BIL. Is there any possible way he could find a job there in NJ--there are some places hiring, from what I have heard, but I have no idea if that is a possibility--supposedly some places are hiring stockers, etc.

    That would seem a better interim idea than him coming up there.

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