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Thread: Security

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by jp1 View Post
    But like you, when I go to the grocery store I'm on a mission to get in, get what I need, pay for it without touching anything I don't absolutely have to, and then get the heck out of there.
    So, what I have always called, "shopping". Very few stores, do I feel comfortable with loitering. (one damaged freight, can have any and everything type of store, that is pretty much it)

    As to what does security mean to me, well it is an illusionary emotion/belief. In the way people feel they know Christ/God/the flying spaghetti monster. That sense, provides a calming function, while helping one make more long term thoughts, then fear and paranoia do.
    I've been abducted, hung around a serial killer, been at gunpoint five times, knife-point once, had both a car and house broken into, dealt with different criminals (murder/rape/thiefs, etc), had stuff stolen, been involved in an ugly lawsuit that nearly made me homeless ($500 an hour lawyers, were the inexpensive ones), and lived on $8k one year when I had to have a surgery and recover from it before being able to go back to work. I am on the low income side of things. Those I know, or are two degree's or less from me, on the opposite end, have their own security issues. Security is a state of mind, not an actual thing. Someone wants you, or your stuff, they can find a way.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Jp, I am so glad you understand. Even though my kids weren’t gay I felt bad that a STD could be a death sentence. Very scary times.

  3. #23
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff View Post

    As to what does security mean to me, well it is an illusionary emotion/belief.
    ....
    Security is a state of mind, not an actual thing.
    Thank you. I agree completely.

    One of my favorite quotes is from a Catholic mystic--Bernadette Roberts, who said: "until we can go beyond our notions regarding the true nature of life
    we will never realize how totally secure we really are and how all the fighting for individual survival and self-security is a waste of energy."

    You encountered all those threats and learned that your sense of security is not dependent on some kind of illusory fear. Very interesting and hopeful.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  4. #24
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I agree that security is a state of mind.

    I feel secure enough, especially financially--health, not so much, as I get older and the illusion of security/self reliance seems to slip away.

    I worked for thirty years at a job I just endured because it paid reasonably well and promised a pension. Probably if I had it to do again, I would have chosen more carefully--I'd certainly have more options now, but I'm satisfied now that it's long behind me.

    At a quilt symposium once, a concerned woman asked me where my security would come from, since I wasn't married. I answered "my job" back when that wasn't an unreasonable answer, and I hoped the marriage she depended upon was a solid one, since she seemed kind and genuinely worried for me. I'm disinclined to put my faith in someone else's good will for my survival.

  5. #25
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    At a quilt symposium once, a concerned woman asked me where my security would come from, since I wasn't married. I answered "my job" back when that wasn't an unreasonable answer, and I hoped the marriage she depended upon was a solid one, since she seemed kind and genuinely worried for me. I'm disinclined to put my faith in someone else's good will for my survival.
    Thank God those days are over, when women had to find "a good man" with "good prospects" to ensure some kind of future for themselves.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  6. #26
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    Thank God those days are over, when women had to find "a good man" with "good prospects" to ensure some kind of future for themselves.
    It's still what many do, and probably the safest path (well to be real two incomes is probably the safest path, but men do out-earn women, have longer more stable careers at times, etc. - so it's probably better to bet on a man's career if one had to bet on a single earner, but two incomes is best). I wouldn't think a job provides much security, jobs come and go. My average time at a job is 3 years. I don't think I choose with "good prospects" and I imagine that provides a lot of mental space over just survival which seems a constant worry. But then we are employed for now, how many aren't? But there's always a lot of edge of economic fear. It's always always always something at the back of my partners mind. I settle much more naturally into a type of middle class calm as soon as I have a stable (as any) job that pays enough to live off, even though I've been unstably employed etc.. But then I was raised in a two parent family with a stable employed father with yes the pension and the same unionized employment all my life. He was raised by a single mother sometimes self and unsteadily employed, making it on a wing and a prayer. It's all childhood that which isn't the present.
    Trees don't grow on money

  7. #27
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Yesterday after my chiropractor appointment I needed a few things from the grocery store for the lasagna I am making tonight. Usually I send one of the men. So I drove there and it’s not crowded so with mask and gloves I get what I need. People were being cautious and standing apart. Finally I didn’t feel like I was going to have a panic attack.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    Funny you say that Jane, I too stuck out a job for 26 years to get that golden ticket. I was divorced when I got it and I loved the first 10 years. I stuck it out when it turned bad because it payed well, had great benefits and I would have a pension. I counted the days. I was single until almost the end and expected I would always stay so. I was also a single mother with no child support so I already had the mindset that I could never count on anybody else to take care of me.

  9. #29
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Barring disability, I think everyone should be able to support themselves--in a perfect world, anyway.
    Two incomes would be nice, but they come with a price (she rhymes).

  10. #30
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    Barring disability, I think everyone should be able to support themselves--in a perfect world, anyway.
    Two incomes would be nice, but they come with a price (she rhymes).
    looking purely at marriage economically, it’s true that economic boost of a second income comes with a price.


    But in America, DINKS who have health and continued employment can amass the wealth dreamed of by the immigrants who try to get into this country.

    if I was single I would’ve been fine economically because throughout my career I was healthy and continuously employed. And quite frugal. But my net worth would’ve been a quarter of That of my household now because I would not have paid off my house until 20 or 30 years down the road. It was having paid off real estate that freed up money for investing. I know paying off your mortgage isn’t necessarily a strong financial move, but it worked for me.

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