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Thread: What are you doing to prepare for old age? Resiliency habits.

  1. #51
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    Geila, we are with you. Also, it is equally important to talk about the what ifs when you are younger. I have told my husband that I am not going to ever be the personal hands on caretaker for his parents. I will watch over his mom, take her places, ensure she is warm, comfortable, and fed. I am not a nurse and did not want anyone to "expect" those services from me. He clearly understands. My parents are deceased and lived on the other side of the country from me. Thankfully, they were able to take care of themselves.

    Sounds cold but it is setting my own boundaries and making sure they are understood.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geila View Post
    Medical intervention allowed my dad to extend his life by 15 years. But they were a miserable 15 years. I would choose quality of life over longevity any day. Assisted suicide should be legal in all states.
    Make a Living Will - now and also tell any and all family members that you not only have one, but tell them verbally what your wishes are. This way everyone can be prepared if/when the time comes.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

  3. #53
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Geila: My mother would definitely opt for physician-assisted suicide if it were available.

  4. #54
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    My dad opted to move himself to assisted living about 4 years before he died, when he was 81 years old. When he moved in the biggest thing he wanted out of it was to have someone else do all the cooking. When mom had died 4 years before this he had never cooked anything more complicated than boiling water to make cream of wheat every morning, and though he learned it was still very stressful for him. The maid service and people to drive him to doc appointments was just a bonus. He also really liked the "one stop shopping" element of assisted living. And having staff on hand probably saved his life a couple of times when he came down with pneumonia rapidly. Both times staff found him collapsed somewhere in the building or his apartment when he pushed the emergency call button he wore around his neck, and got him to the hospital quickly. If he'd still lived in his condo who knows how that would have played out.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Anne Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beckyliz View Post
    Rosemary, I read or heard (can't remember, lol) the other day a physician saying, "What is good for the heart is good for the head." So, I think you're right - good cardiovascular habits help our brain stay healthy. Exercise helps get oxygen to our brains, for example.
    I remember reading this advice from the Nun's Study.

    As to intergenerational living, I think one of the challenges is that people are living longer but in more frail or medically complicated conditions. It's one thing to have Grandma live with you when she just needs housekeeping help but it's entirely another when you need to be a full time certified nursing assistant or even nurse. My mother 88 is fiercely independent and has always been proactive about arranging her life so she can be on her own. She moved into senior housing before she gave up her car, even. Buses and taxis can get her where she wants to go. She's mastered InstaCart during the lockdown phase and she does not plan on going back to regular shopping. Should she need meal or housekeeping services it would be easy enough to arrange as those services are already coming to the building.
    Formerly known as Blithe Morning II

  6. #56
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    Teacher Terry made one of the best comments here -- she mentioned moving to a neighborhood where they wouldn't be dependent on a car. You want to be able to function without your own car well before you go past your "sell by" date for driving!

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel View Post
    Teacher Terry made one of the best comments here -- she mentioned moving to a neighborhood where they wouldn't be dependent on a car. You want to be able to function without your own car well before you go past your "sell by" date for driving!
    I imagine that I will get to a point where I can no longer drive, but I also expect to get to another second point where I can no longer walk very far, so I suppose there are two different moving points in my future. My husband and I have talked a lot about these decisions as we have watched my poor parents deal with so much disability and see them age out of independent living, and we both feel that our religious convictions forebid the suicide/euthanasia route, so I'm going to be practical and plan to end up in some sort of assisted living arrangement at some point, and hope I can be as gracious about it as my parents have been, and find whatever joy I can in whatever joys are left--that is the worst thing about the pandemic, I think, that it deprived my dad of major league baseball this summer.

  8. #58
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    My father would have opted for physician-assisted suicide if that had been available - we talked about it. As it happened, he ended up committing suicide in a more traditional manner with no clear warning, as he did not want any family members to be looked at as complicit. He was big on making his own decisions and controlling as much of his life as he could, which extended to controlling his death, when it was inevitable and he was no longer able to live in a manner he found acceptable. We were very sad that he was unable to leave surrounded by those who loved him. We are such barbarians when it come to death, more compassionate to our pets than to our fellow humans.

    We are already living generationally, as our adult daughter lives with us. She could leave at any time, but she says the arrangement suits her well, and we are happy with her company.

  9. #59
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    more compassionate to our pets than to our fellow humans.

    So true

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