We are trying to stay at home out in the country until we are in the 80-85 range, before it gets too late to change. Maybe sooner if need be, but I wouldn't think I would want to move at 75, either.Originally Posted by iris lilies
We are trying to stay at home out in the country until we are in the 80-85 range, before it gets too late to change. Maybe sooner if need be, but I wouldn't think I would want to move at 75, either.
I wouldn’t go to AL at 75 either. They should just hire out what they can’t do. Some friends of ours that live 6 blocks from us in a small house right in town bought 5 acres 30 minutes away from town. They are building a 2300 sq ft house. We had some other friends do something similar at 66. Their home is always dirty because at 74 they can’t keep it up and their expenses are higher so they can’t afford their cleaners anymore. We like being close to good hospitals if needed.
Part of my view of my garden club lady friend’s situation is that I personally would rather shoot myself in the head then live out in the boonies where she lives. But see, that’s my prejudice. She actually is in enclave where there are other houses in the woods nearby, it’s just that you can’t see them. So it’s not totally isolated.
But then, It also depends on what your vision is of assisted living. The place she was looking at had lovely villas that backed up to hiking trails and woods. There was a little bit of garden space but I think you would to do most of your private gardening in pots, And the entire complex has public garden areas that you could help with I would think. I know that I have contributed Willy bulbs and irises to another retirement center in the woods in the state of Illinois where another one of my garden club lady friends lived.
But for me these assisted-living places that I see it’s not that they’re too small or crowded, except they’re out in the suburbs. I would want to explore one or two in the city there is at least one of them.
And no I don’t think that 75 is an automatic age to pair down, it is just that a ton of people my age in my neighborhood are at 65 - 70 making their next step.
our Hermann House with 1 acre is on a Big hill. There’s no way I would keep it up but I imagine DH will be toddling around into his 80s keeping it up. When it’s time to hire somebody to mow it we will probably have a big fight so I hope I’m dead by then.
We moved into town at 53 and 58. We wanted to be close to things and not dependent on a car.
I take after my dad’s side of the family. The women live much longer than the men. My French-Canadian great-grandma Claire, who I take physically after, died in 1981 a month before she turned 105. She was pretty sharp until about 93 and lived alone. Due to mental decline, she had to go into a nursing home.
I’m 51 now. I’m active with my diving and work out on the recumbent bike at the gym 3-4 times a week. I read incessantly. Prefer the computer to the TV. Active with my church and choir, although that is on hold for now.
We retired By 55 years. As I approach 70 I have now outlived my parents by 15 years. Using my time wisely was of utmost importance to me as I did not know how much I had of it.
We early on moved to a one floor house with a no stair entrance through the garage, warm weather and a walk in Roman shower. Young enough to develop lots of friendships and contacts in a new place. We spent years planning and focused on these things: Money, nurturing our souls, a safe living condition. and developing our hobbies.
On the money side, we never have been spenders, we almost never eat out, drove old cars, use libraries etc. Always saved and learned all we could about investing.
Hobbies were the easiest. I quilt, learned Pottery and watercolor but only still do and teach quilting, belong to three monthly book clubs, play cards and mah Jong, and exercise daily I attend both a monthly WW2 history club and a genealogy/colonial history group where we have guest speakers, movies and book discussions. My book, history clubs and quilt groups are meeting via zoom, So normally almost every day I have one or sometimes two in person meaningful contacts, now zoom meetings. We have taken camping road trips all over the US.
So where you are going to live and how much money you will have are extremely important. But equally important is what are you going to do all day. Nothing rots the brain more than watching TV and sitting around, especially the so called news networks that are now all so filled with hate. Libraries, senior centers, art classes, churches, gyms and YMCA’s, local clubs like quilting and gardening, are all good places to explore things to do. I have friends who volunteer at animal shelters, volunteer at hospice, tutor kids, raise money for veterans, animals, and numerous other wonderful organizations. I cannot tell you how many times I am Quilting for instance and someone will say to me “I always wanted to do that”. What are you waiting for? We only have one shot at life. Make it meaningful.
If if I had to do it all over, I would have lived even more simply. We worked until 55 because DH could continue with his health insurance through his employer. Excellent choice for us.
One more ore thing to add. If anyone has followed Tradd’s diving adventures through the years, her journey is exactly what I am talking about. Bae’s community service. Iris Lilly is another good example. Fostering dogs, growing beautiful flowers and working on her Herman home. Having dreams and interests and figuring out how to do them. The secret to a happy and fulfilled life.
If the cost of my MiL's assisted living is any guide (anecdotally, it seems to be), your lady friend could hire groundskeepers and a maid and still be ahead of what AL would cost her and her DH. It also is likely that we will see more and more of that kind of arrangement because it is far less expensive to pay helpers to go to someone's place of living than to move the clients to a dedicated AL facility or, particularly, a nursing home.
That semi-rural living absolutely would not be my or DW's choice, but if people can cover their own costs....
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
Good point, Steve, about the cost of assisted living. My parents pay about 8000 a month for a one bedroom place and some limited caregiving--basically medication administration and transportation to doctors. Another place in town was offering the same care for 19000 a month. It is assisted living, not memory care or nursing home, although the line is really blurred now and what used to be called nursing home gets called assisted living a lot, in my experience.
Maybe people should be looking for senior apartment living.
My parents had no buy in, but up the coast the buy-in places wanted 200k to buy in.
My parents place needed 250k in the bank before they would consider them for admission.
My relative wiped out their life savings staying in an assisted living facility for a year; I picture vultures in suits circling those places.
One of the things that gardening helps me understand is how every living thing has its season and then moves on. I don't understand our cultural obsession with living as long as we can with very low quality of life; existing on a bucket of pharmaceuticals. MIL is horribly unhappy locked in her assisted living room spending thousands each month just to linger on. Every time she has a new ache, it is one more trip to the doctor who gives her another pill and then she is quarantined for another two weeks. I imagine in some other time she would pass like my grandfather when his heart just finally stopped. No drugs to the rescue.
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