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Thread: Transparency vs. Facebook Life

  1. #1
    Senior Member Geila's Avatar
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    Transparency vs. Facebook Life

    My family is very tight-lipped when it comes to struggles, and anything remotely intimate/vulnerable/scary. The Facebook Life before FB even came on the scene. Hence my venting here! I'm a touchy/feely and very much the black sheep. Out of self-preservation, I've learned to keep mum. But sometimes I wonder about being more transparent for the sake of the younger generation. It's hard being the first one to let it all hang out as it were. But I feel sad when I see the nieces struggling with issues and no one being there to pave the way for them, even if just a little bit.

    How transparent are you with friends and family?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Geila View Post
    My family is very tight-lipped when it comes to struggles, and anything remotely intimate/vulnerable/scary. The Facebook Life before FB even came on the scene. Hence my venting here! I'm a touchy/feely and very much the black sheep. Out of self-preservation, I've learned to keep mum. But sometimes I wonder about being more transparent for the sake of the younger generation. It's hard being the first one to let it all hang out as it were. But I feel sad when I see the nieces struggling with issues and no one being there to pave the way for them, even if just a little bit.

    How transparent are you with friends and family?
    Open book. But not on FB-that's just stupid.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geila View Post
    How transparent are you with friends and family?
    Mostly open, but it depends on with who and about what.

    I think one of the important things is to be open with struggles, but also with joys. I think it has to be an honest mix of both, otherwise things may always sound like "whining" or a constant "picture of perfection".
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Open with friends but not on Facebook. Not close with family that’s left so not close sharing.

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    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Not particularly, but I'm happy to dispense advice if asked.

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Moderately.
    I have a fairly stoic personality. I do NOT wear my heart on my sleeve. DH wears enough hearts on his for both of us.

    I will share things on an as-needed basis, but I always err on the side of being tight-lipped. Even with emails, I drop all CCs if they don't NEED to know something.

    I have shared in Al-Anon and with my therapist, but I don't burden anyone else with my struggles. Even myself.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    Interesting question. I'm only close with my older sister (2 other sibs I never see/talk to) and my one daughter (the other is estranged and the usual cause of "struggles"). My sister has permission to share things with her daughters/my nieces, as our kids are all the same age, --- they're very caring and loving, not a gossipy bone in their bodies--- just so they can be sensitive if we all see each other.

    I do not share anything sensitive on FB. I have one friend I see infrequently, a childhood friend. We share everything, but don't see each other often enough.
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

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    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    I was interested in your reasoning leading to the thread. I am not quite sure that being transparent about one's vulnerabilities will enable younger or others to feel more comfortable being transparent. Most people that I am open with usually take a long time to achieve that level of confidence. The consequences of exposing one's vulnerabilities will This seems to be true of a variety of age groups.

    I am amazed that anyone posts personal stuff on FB. All fraud prevention instruction advisers stress that we keep our private life off FB. I am careful about what I post on SLF. If one is not prepared to post the info on a highway bulletin board, don't post on FB.

    Family and close friends are freely informed about my life but to my comfort level and on a 'need to know' basis. One on one contact for sharing and supporting seems most valuable.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  9. #9
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Struggles? What struggles? We don't have no steenkin’ troubles in OUR family, well, nothing that a good night’s sleep and perhaps an aspirin won’t solve.

    haha. This is kinda our Family mantra but it gets us through. So of course there’s no sharing of any troubles with blood relatives On the social media sites, but for the in-laws, they don’t seem to follow that code.

  10. #10
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    I am amazed that anyone posts personal stuff on FB.
    I agree with razz on the basic question for the OP? Why should we be more transparent for the sake of the younger generation? I totally DON'T GET posts like "Tonight's a bad night." Or, I was shocked by a cousin who ranted about a fight she had with her husband. I get bored by the people who write long birthday testimonials to their kids/parents/grandkids--especially when the honoree isn't even on FB!! Do I care or doubt how much you love your family?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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