Stepping out of the fast life

[ApatheticNoMore]

Men face the same restrictions.

in theory, in actuality as a woman in this culture, even if not consciously so, I was trained to let men have the last word, dad sure did with his anger even though mom had a masters degree in STEM, not an unaccomplished woman. So I don't view the restrictions as really being the same in a patriarchal culture.

This is all probably really off topic,so I'm not going to continue the debate just for lols, and feel free to get back to the original topic, I was just ranting on "life is hard and lonely" and stuff. :P rant rant rant, because life is hard and stuff ...

[catherine]

Guess that's why the feminists liken marriage to captivity, one's choices are no longer one's own. And frankly I think I'm by nature incapable of dictating people's choices on personal matters (wearing a @#$# mask is a social not a personal matter - just fyi for the trolls). So I had reservations about bf taking new job - a company that had fired him before, but like I always said I have my reservations but I would stand back, it is not mine to decide (and its actually working out well, another reason it should not be mine to decide I have less information to make the decision on and always will). So it would be all one sided too if I was to enter into such an arrangement, de facto patriarchy. Maybe this bird was never meant for that cage.

I agree with Terry, that marriage is a partnership. It's not a dictatorship. If you are going out to dinner with a friend you both agree on a restaurant. You don't dictate which restaurant you want. Marriage is the same way. You have to respectfully agree on common goals, and if you don't agree, you compromise. I would never consider quitting my job without consulting with my husband because that would have serious implications for his life, too. It's two sided--not a patriarchy. When my husband quit his job to start a business we both discussed it and if I had objected, he wouldn't have done it.

I just think it's common sense. It's really not a feminist issue. It's a relationship issue.

[meri]

I do agree that one's choices are no longer one's own in marriage but I don't see that as captivity or feminist issue. I think it's just part of the deal, your choices are choices you make for the other person as well. Marriage is one of the basis of family structure and in my opinion any decision that impacts the family should be made after reaching an agreement or compromise. I would consider it extremely disrespectful to put my husband on the spot and just announce a decision that has a significant impact on our family's financial situation or the way we spend time. That is not a cage, that is a way to function together (even if that sometimes means devoting time and resources to our respective hobbies some of which we do not share. We just make sure the other person is OK with what is going on be it a weekend away alone or buying new equipment)

[meri]

I would just note that "living simply" and living inexpensively are not tied at the hip. There's nothing wrong with living frugally (most of us here do just that) but that does not mean that there can be no money for fun or things you consider necessary in your life. Many of us own more than one home (even intentionally!), some of us have hobbies that require expensive equipment, and so on.

Simple living allows you to put your energy and time and money toward what is important to you. Of course, most people will have a limit to their income so what can be spent is not boundless. But most of us cut financial corners in some parts of our lives so we can splurge elsewhere.

Thank you, you are right. I guess that for me living simply means having enough time and energy for the things that matter while having enough money to afford what we enjoy. Which translates to being frugal where it makes sense and therefore having enough money / time / energy for whatever is important (including fun).
It is a matter of getting away from mindlessly doing things because 'everybody' does that, buying things that 'everybody' has, spending on quick fixes or distractions or following certain path just because that is what brings the most nods of approval from people who don't even really care.

[Yppej]

Wow, did they? My husband is from Silesia. I come from Krkonose Mountains.

I looked up Krkonose. It looks like they are also near the border. My family left in the 1930's and 1940's. There were so many changes due to redrawing of political boundaries when they lived there they just referred to themselves as Silesians. I hope you get the mountain setting you are hoping for.

[llknp]

In March of this year, the college that I was an adjunct instructor at went to all online classes due to the virus. I am not exceptionally computer literate and it was a struggle. My next class was to be in June. Foe over two months I tried to understand what was required. The college seemingly changed daily. Different delivery platforms, etc. First everything was to be done on Zoom, then Microsoft teams, then whatever. My wife looked at me one day as I was on the computer trying to make sense of it all and said "you don't look good". Off to the doctor. Elevated everything. Quiet ride home. As soon as I got home, I sat back down at the computer. My wife gave me a very dirty look. I typed for a while and then let her read what I had typed. It was my resignation letter to the college. As soon as I sent it, I literally felt a wave of relief come over me. No job is worth your physical or mental health. Meri, enjoy! It is what we are supposed to do.

[sweetana3]

Meri, you have distilled what happiness is for most of us. The popular thing is often a joke. I wish I had learned that lesson even earlier.

[rosarugosa]

Good for you both, Meri and LLKNP!

[Teacher Terry]

Llknp, I have been teaching a online college class for 8 years but it’s a system that is really user friendly and completely set up for me. I just had to learn how to grade on it, etc. If I had to take a in person class and put it online myself I would also be quitting.