What would you do: Wedding shower + COVID

[catherine]

I think I mentioned in another thread that we are driving from VT to Maine to attend a family function hosted by my future SIL's parents. They are having a family games day that weekend and they thought they would take advantage of everyone being there to host a shower for my DD and her fiance. I am not inviting anyone from my side of the family--but I decided to do a Zoom event for my family to occur from the in-laws' house during part of the shower.

DH doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to travel, doesn't want to hang out with his future in-laws' family, doesn't want to risk exposure to COVID. All of the attendees are fairly local: mostly Massachusetts. He's only going because our DD really wants SOMEONE from her side of the family to be there.

I haven't worried about the risk of exposure to COVID because I thought it was going to be a relatively small gathering, but when I asked J's mother what the count is, she said 30, not including DH, me, & DD. That's kind of a lot. Now I'm slightly concerned--DH is a heavy smoker, has chronic health issues, is overweight and over 65.

Should I encourage him to stay home?? DD would be very disappointed--as I said, he's often the life of the party and she sure can't count on ME for that--but I truly want to do the most prudent thing.

This family seems to be very safe and reasonable. But if it rains, we'll be forced to go inside--social distancing will be very difficult if not impossible.

I don't know what to do... what would you do?

[KayLR]

I'd stay home, but I don't live in that area. What are the risks like up there? We're still upticking.

My hubs recently decided to stay home from a "celebration of life" for a family member who recently died. He just could not justify the risk, esp. having to be on a plane for 7 hr. Nobody blamed him at all.

[pinkytoe]

It was not comfortable meeting with DD's in-laws/family in TX when we were there recently but we gave in to please SIL. We are healthy but still cautious. We couldn't hug or sit together inside so everyone felt weird I think. I wouldn't force the issue if your DH is not comfortable going especially if there are health issues...certainly most people now understand that those with underlying issues should not socialize with non-family groups if it can be avoided.

[herbgeek]

Maine itself has low rates, but not Massachusetts so I would be concerned about having a lot of Mass attendees. If I was your husband, I likely wouldn't go or at best, have a place to retreat to if I felt unsafe (car, rented room that's been wiped down) to avoid any indoor time.

[JaneV2.0]

It's been reported that many of the new COVID cases are the outcome of smallish social gatherings. I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to go who had concerns. There was a report of a small social gathering here that resulted in all the attendees coming down with it. I absolutely wouldn't go; if I were somehow forced to, I would mask up and observe social distance, but I'd worry the whole time.

[Tradd]

I’d not go at all and not force him to go.

It wasn’t that long ago that showers were for women only - with maybe the groom putting in a token appearance at the end.

[Yppej]

I would not go. If something happens your daughter will never forgive herself.

[Tybee]

I think given the way he feels, I would not urge him to go, and be at peace with his decision. It doesn't sound like he feels safe going, and it does sound like a pretty large gathering from Massachusetts, and not exactly just one other family in Maine. I also am not sure if I would go, given the fact that you can't afford to get sick, and possibly make him sick. But you also have an obligation to your daughter, too.

It's so hard. I think whatever you choose to do will be right for yourself, but I would not try to make that decision for him.

[JaneV2.0]

If you feel you should go, you can quarantine yourself for a couple of weeks afterwards.

[bae]

I would avoid the event. I think this sort of thing during the pandemic is foolishness.