What would you do: Wedding shower + COVID

[catherine]

This gathering is being done for the benefit and the convenience of others, at the risk of any/all attending not being able to attend your daughter's wedding. I am having a hard time understanding that this is beneficial in any way to you, your DH or your daughter. I don't understand your daughter's thinking that her dad's safety is not the priority to ensure his presence at her wedding over an event held elsewhere.

It's not that she is putting her interests before her father's health--I'm sure she wouldn't do that, even if his absence causes her disappointment. It's just that we have been doing well COVID-wise up here in the Northeast. Vermont, Maine and Massachusetts have all been singled out as having successful re-openings. Our counts are VERY low and are not contributing to this awful upsurge in cases and deaths. If I were to explain to her that the number of people at the shower, coupled with a general reversal of the flattening has me worried about her dad's risks, I know she would fully understand.

[Teacher Terry]

I would definitely not go with that many people. My friend didn’t have a funeral for her husband that recently died because of the virus.

[SteveinMN]

In this state right now we could not gather that many people in someone's backyard, even outside. And i wonder how much DH would be "the life of the party" if his mind were constantly on avoiding exposure from 30 other people. It would be a tough call, but I can understand his not wanting to go. That's a lot of potential exposure, and I don't think it will take much to turn the statistics around. Maybe he could "Zoom" in at a specified time to join in some of the festivities?

[catherine]

Well, yesterday morning after he awoke I said to him, "Listen, I've thought about it, and I really don't want you to go to the shower." And without waiting a nanosecond he said. "OK." No, "Oh, well, if you really think so" or "Aw, gee, I kind of wanted to go, but maybe you're right, honey."

Just "ok." I know his insides were jumping for joy.

Now to tell DD...

[iris lilies]

I am glad your DH is being cautious! For such a social guy, it must be hard to resist this party. Also with you guys where you are and not seeing the Dailey evidence of Infected people, the virus is a little abstract. But it is real.

[Tybee]

Well, yesterday morning after he awoke I said to him, "Listen, I've thought about it, and I really don't want you to go to the shower." And without waiting a nanosecond he said. "OK." No, "Oh, well, if you really think so" or "Aw, gee, I kind of wanted to go, but maybe you're right, honey."

Just "ok." I know his insides were jumping for joy.

Now to tell DD...

This is really good news! Can't he just call her up and tell her that he (or you both) have decided it's too risky?

[catherine]

This is really good news! Can't he just call her up and tell her that he (or you both) have decided it's too risky?

I called her this morning and told her... not only was she not disappointed, she was relieved, and she told me that if I don't want to come, she totally understands. She admitted that she's even not that comfortable being with 30 people from all over the place.

I am 80% still going.. I had promised them favors, a Zoom coordinator, wine, cake and snacks. I've already paid for the favors and the cake. I'll stay outdoors and wear a mask, and I won't stay long.

[SteveinMN]

"When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened." (Billy Graham)

Maybe this will have the effect of changing DD's approach to the event.

[JaneV2.0]

I called her this morning and told her... not only was she not disappointed, she was relieved, and she told me that if I don't want to come, she totally understands. She admitted that she's even not that comfortable being with 30 people from all over the place.

I am 80% still going.. I had promised them favors, a Zoom coordinator, wine, cake and snacks. I've already paid for the favors and the cake. I'll stay outdoors and wear a mask, and I won't stay long.

I would still consider quarantining.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I wouldn't go.

In this state right now we could not gather that many people in someone's backyard, even outside.

well rules here are not to see any other person you don't live for social purposes ever, not even in a backyard outside at a distance etc.. 4 months of this now. But they opened up bars and restaurants for awhile and didn't even regulate that they were following covid safety rules at restaurants. They understood the need for economics because it's tax revenue, but humans being with each other doesn't involve money so outlaw it. For a while there it was almost the case that everything that makes money was allowed, everything that doesn't is illegal. A perfectly capitalist dystopia.

Few are probably following the rules, when the rules are never socialize with anyone ever for who knows how long what do they even expect. People might endure a lot of hardship for a real plan but they don't have one. They nag us a lot. But they don't give any guidance for risk minimization and not everyone is some perfectly informed well read educated person who can take their best shot absent any recommendations. Cases go up and up. They take no responsibility but blame the people. One would like to think, well the nagging must be based on contract tracing at least. But there is only minimal contract tracing going on, and the state won't give epidemiologists (at universities like UC schools etc.) the data. So any information we have on why people are getting sick isn't likely to be local.