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Thread: Mom has given up driving

  1. #1
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Mom has given up driving

    I know that for many families, it is a major battle to get mom or dad to give up the car keys. Mom started driving in her early teens and has always been a confident and competent driver. Dad never drove, so she drove everyone everywhere for many years. About 3 years ago, she started having issues with getting lost going to familiar places; in fact, that was one of the early clues that something was seriously wrong. After her Alzheimer's diagnosis, she continued to drive, but less and less because there weren't too many places she felt confident about anymore. She would sometimes drive with me as navigator, and that worked pretty well for awhile, but then I read that this is not considered a wise strategy and she was making more frequent little slip-ups behind the wheel. She would often say, "I know you will be honest with me and let me know if you think I shouldn't be driving." Apparently my reputation for unflinching honesty is way over-rated. In truth I was very hesitant to be judge and jury for something that meant so much to her. Mom also often said "I hope I die before I ever have to give up driving." I finally realized that I was sort of waiting for some really bad thing to happen, and that was not a good strategy at all.
    Things actually fell into place rather nicely. Mom spent the xmas holidays with her friend, then it was winter weather and she didn't want to go out, and time just kind of went by and Mom was saying, "I think I would like to take one last drive in my car," but then Covid happened and Mom started saying "I don't suppose I'll ever drive my car again," and then "we need to do something with my car."
    We have a dear friend of many years who works a minimum wage job and takes the bus everywhere. He had a car several years ago, but someone totalled it and he hasn't had one since. We suggested to Mom that she might give her car to Bill, and this absolutely delighted her. That is how she is wired, if she could give the car to someone who could really use it, then that would give her great joy. DH and I had to facilitate everything (friend is not terribly sophisticated) so I arranged his insurance, we brought him to the broker, broker got his plates, we picked up plates, put them on the car and gave the car to Bill. It's a decent car too, 2009 Camry with 48,000 miles and all maintenance done regularly at the dealership. So there was a happy ending to all this!
    Mom has increasing difficulty with the details of daily life, but she still retains her essential wisdom and values, and I am very grateful for that. If we had sold the car for her, it would not have made her nearly as happy as giving it to someone who needed it.

  2. #2
    Yppej
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    What a great outcome!

  3. #3
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    What a sweet story.

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    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    That is just great to hear!

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    What a nice story! That’s very good outcome.


    My mom with Alzheimer’s kind of faded with the driving thing. She had one strange incident with a local policeman where she claims the policeman kept her On the side of the Road for “ hours “ For pulling her over for an inFraction and was very mean to her. My brother, an
    EMT in that small town knows all of the emergency and safety personnel and he thought that was unlikely, knowing that particular police officer.

    Anyways – that was the first big signal that her ability to drive was going south pretty fast. I think she drove for a year or so after that, going locally only a couple of miles. And then there was winter where she didn’t go anywhere. And I think she forgot how to drive, because my brother found the car jammed catty Wompus in the garage. He did something to the car after that to make it so it wouldn’t start. She complained once or twice about it how we had to have it fixed and then she forgot about it.

    It too found a good home with a college student who needed a car, A gift to that student.

  6. #6
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    That's a win win Rosa. My mom stopped driving 3 years or so ago when my father took over since he saw she couldn't really do that anymore. So when Dad died in February, it wasn't something we had to negotiate with her. She did keep her car for a couple of months, but then gave it to a granddaughter who lives in NYC, and only wants a car for when she's home in CT to get around without having to depend on her parents. Dad's truck went to a grandson who needed a truck for his business (he was renting them, and this was a big chunk of his expenses). It was good to be able to spread the blessings around.

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    You are so lucky she has stopped, Rosa, and what a nice happy ending.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    What a great gift! My friend with Alzheimer’s wouldn’t quit driving when it was no longer safe. My husband took her out for ice cream and it was gone when she got home. My dad loved to drive and had a big stroke at 59. He came home from 4 weeks in the hospital, took his driver’s license out, crumpling and throwing it across the room. He said I’ll never drive again. Super sad.

  9. #9
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    Your poor dad, Terry. That's rough.

  10. #10
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    We are so glad Mom gave up her license when she moved here at about 80yo. She was really only comfortable in the little town she lived in all her life and her vision was not what she really needed for driving.

    She has a little bus system at her place, we take her out weekly (or did pre virus now we shop for her), and some of her friends drive. They took her out for her birthday. She does wish she had more "freedom" but we remind her it is for the best as our traffic is fast and heavy.

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