Family and money

[Tybee]

Oh, yuck, Tradd, that's awful. Glad you wrote her back.

[iris lilies]

I actually got a letter from my brother's wife a few weeks ago asking for $$. She had gotten address from my parents. Mind you, I've not seen my brother since the late 90s or so. I've never met his wife. I don't like my brother. I never did.

I was angry enough that I actually wrote her back asking her why she thought she was entitled to my money? I told her I never, ever wanted to hear from her again.

That is pretty ballsy. Why does she need money? Is there an illness?

[Tradd]

She didn’t really say. Pretty much just they were having a hard time due to covid.

[Teacher Terry]

Tradd, I find that bizarre.

[Gardnr]

I learned over time that when you get married, you are marrying your spouse's family too. Nobody ever explained that to me since I grew up in a disjointed family and always felt emotionally removed from my parents and sibs. It has been a struggle for me to go with the expected "rules" of DH's family all my life even though they were very generous, loving people. I just read in Suze Orman's latest book that helping family financially has been the undoing of many a close to retirement age couple/individual. So I guess one's participation should hinge on self-preservation unless you can afford to help financially and actually WANT to help.

I've watched my in-laws do this. SIL and her 3 kids got damn near everything they ever saved. At 81, FIL still works full-time and at 80 MIL works intermittently. Hubster was called by FIL and told about the brand new 30 year mortgage on the home they'd lived in for 40 years. Now, you don't do that if you don't need cash. Hell, they are still on that builder grade carpet from 1979 and it feels like walking on plywood and looks worse.

We've never been asked for money by any family on either side. That said, we do pay attention to what is being said. We've bought a plane ticket here n' there. We've given really nice gifts here n' there. Anything that goes out is a gift-we would never expect to be paid back.

Bottom line: Don't make distributions you can't afford and don't sacrifice your future for others. This Dutch immigrant was raised to take care of herself and share what she can!

[Gardnr]

I actually got a letter from my brother's wife a few weeks ago asking for $$. She had gotten address from my parents. Mind you, I've not seen my brother since the late 90s or so. I've never met his wife. I don't like my brother. I never did.

I was angry enough that I actually wrote her back asking her why she thought she was entitled to my money? I told her I never, ever wanted to hear from her again.

(words escape me!)