They sound like wonderful people who want to give houses to their family members in need, but to your point, it sounds more like a nice fantasy, unless some of them have tons of surplus money. Plus, is this what the nephew wants? Or is this like an episode of Extreme Makeover in someone's head? Maybe the nephew could do with just some seed money for an apartment or for second-hand furnishings until he figures out his own next step.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
www.silententry.wordpress.com
The issue of how much to give is coming up in my life right now. Because we are not going on any trips this year, we have surplus of money. DH is always very tight about donations. It’s my thinking that because we’re not blowing money on travel, we might as well donate to the organizations we support that are hurting.
Today I’m sending yet another check to Bulldog Rescue, unsolicited, but volunteered by me because A specific dog with a particular health problem is weighing on me.So DH will likely push back a tad.
I have asked him, hey why don’t we talk about setting a giving budget? His response is silence.So whatever, I will give what I want to give.
Meanwhile, our neighborhood association is nearly flat broke in income because our house tours are canceled. We bring in around $80,000 annually in house tours. A new committee is gearing up to do new kinds of fundraising and the head of that group wants to donate 5% in proceeds to needy people around us. I roll my eyes because this is not why I belong to my neighborhood association. I am perfectly capable of writing my own checks to my own chosen charities, but hell. I will have to go along with this because it is a flat amount and defined. I just want to make sure that this 5% of income is not on top of money we have already budgeted.
Mainly I see here how some people love to spend other people’s money on being Lady Bountiful.
I really can’t relate on asking people for money related or not. We give money as wedding gifts because then they can use it how they want. Tybee you guys aren’t even retired yet so definitely need to look out for yourselves. Unless it’s my own kid I am not giving money to someone because of their poor planning.
In these tales are two philosophies highlighted: the collectivist mindset versus the individualist mindset.
We all are a blend of both, , but I think you all know mostly on which side I plant my feet. I see the collectivist mindset all over our society ranging in scale from the person in the office who wants to collect $1 from everyone to buy someone something nice, all the way up to the person in society, a government official, who wants to collect a shit ton of taxes (especially from those who he deems able to pay) to buy nice things for people in our country. And outside our country, for that matter.
Same idea, different scale.
This is definitely not the way my family or SO's family behaves. I've never asked anyone for money nor has anyone asked us. But my sister and I were raised with the expectation that when we became adults we would be self sufficient, because our parents were. I too would be annoyed if SO's family asked him for money. He gives generous gifts to them from time to time, like paying for his mom to come to Hawaii with us back in March. My sister is financially secure and retired so I can't imagine a situation where she would be asking for anything.
IL, families are one more mindset that needs to be added to your list as the challenges are very blurry.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
Marriage is also a very collectivist mindset of combining finances. I don't think a real individualist mindset marries or chooses to share any big expenses.
Trees don't grow on money
I’m not sure what you mean by this.Originally Posted by razz
Do you mean, add “families” to my Personal list of charitable giving along with bulldogs, historic architecture, plants?
If this is what you mean then elaborate.
I don't know.....if your husband's family does not accept your children or your parents, but expect you to contribute to their family....that is a big, hard NO for me. Plus your FIL can get help in paying for a nursing home and the young nephew has just learned a huge lesson...pay the extra $300 a year for renter's insurance!
Interesting point.
It is the weirdest thing and I can’t explain it myself, but as a single person who was quite focused on financial independence, I plunged into joint finances with DH immediately upon marriage. I felt like I was holding my nose to jump into the pool of shared resources.
It was scary. It was also scary when I think about it because he handles all of our finances, and I have always joked with him that he could be squirreling away money into that Swiss bank account for all I know. I mean I look at the penciled-in amounts in our checkbook, but that could all be faked. But in retirement I take an active role in looking at balances of our investment accounts so I know where the money is and I talk to our investment advisers, so I know there is no Swiss bank account.
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