Being Mortal

[catherine]

My 85-year-old mother with Alzheimer's has a new line she uses frequently: "I have a lot more to be grateful for than I do to bitch about." She definitely gets points for having a positive attitude despite grappling with one of the most horrific diseases imaginable. Poor Mom; she deserved better.

I hear ya. My mom had a lot of "Betsey-isms:" I'm in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in." "My arm's broken, but I'm not." (she became paralyzed due to a brain aneurysm at age 50--she died at 69). "Happiness is a full stomach and an empty bladder."

It is so great to have inspiring elders to look up to.

[Rosemary]

This is a timely discussion. We're trying to figure out how to best help MIL right now. She's 86 and has some cognitive impairment - and a year ago, I would not have said that, so it has advanced rather quickly. She's made some very poor decisions in the past year, particularly finance-related, and it's really hard for us to know how to proceed. She had been living with her older sister, who just passed, and she wants to continue living in her house, which I understand... but she will be all alone, which she does not like. We invited her to move to MN, but she declined. It's a 10-hour day for us to drive to or from her town. DH's cousins think she should be in assisted living, which she has adamantly protested for years and which would eat through her savings in less than a year. DH and I think that even if it doesn't last long, she should be where she wants to be while she can. I expect that by next summer we will be trying to solve the evolving situation again.

I read Being Mortal several years ago and this would be a good time to revisit it...

[Jane v2.0]

Jane, I have to go yearly to the general doctor for her to renew my medication. My allergist does the same for my homeopathic allergy drops and my cpap doctor for supplies. Ugh!

I wonder if eventually you'll be able to get these prescriptions remotely. Much better than sitting in a germy waiting room.

[ApatheticNoMore]

People IRL have gotten tired of me complaining about being old. But if early 50s is old I don't see much difference, it's all middle age.

[dado potato]

those Green Houses look great. We have no kids so will definitely need to plan ahead for our old age. Something like this that offers different options would be ideal. Shudder to think of the cost though. I guess we'll see when the time comes, I hope we can afford it.

Yep, on a private-pay basis, one Green House I talked to in Loveland CO seemed quite high-priced. I am also aware of Jamie's House in Washington State (east of the Cascade Mountains) which accepts donations so that residents on Medicaid will be able to afford the cost. When the time comes a specific Green House may be able to recommend a strategy to address the affordability issue.

[Tybee]

My parents live in an assisted living place that is non profit and in the middle of the city--large and very well run with a homey quality, with a good library and book groups and the like. They pay about 8000 a month which is a real bargain, and they get excellent care. There are residents there that I would definitely classify as nursing home patients given the care they need--memory care especially.

We looked at a place near us that would have been 18000 a month for both of them. It is so incredibly expensive.

[Geila]

My parents live in an assisted living place that is non profit and in the middle of the city--large and very well run with a homey quality, with a good library and book groups and the like. They pay about 8000 a month which is a real bargain, and they get excellent care. There are residents there that I would definitely classify as nursing home patients given the care they need--memory care especially.

We looked at a place near us that would have been 18000 a month for both of them. It is so incredibly expensive.

Ouch. even the bargain is expensive. Do they pay it all out of pocket?

[Tybee]

Ouch. even the bargain is expensive. Do they pay it all out of pocket?

Yes.

[iris lilies]

Yes.

That doesn’t sound like much to me. This is for TWO people. It covers all meals. All utilities. Rent of course. I don’t know what up charges there are for giving out medications, for instance. You’re paying for safety and care of TWO people.

years and years ago, more than a decade ago, my friend’s father lived in assisted-living and his bill was I remember specifically $33,000 a year. It included meals and everything else mentioned above. They paid someone extra to come in and administer medication to make sure he got the right thing at the right time. He was still walking around and driving. This guy actually kept his own house a mile or two away. It was empty but he like to go back and visit it.

[catherine]

That doesn’t sound like much to me. This is for TWO people. It covers all meals. All utilities. Rent of course. I don’t know what up charges there are for giving out medications, for instance. You’re paying for safety and care of TWO people.

By comparison, I looked up room and board at Princeton, Harvard and Rutgers for one year. Princeton and Harvard are about $17k, and Rutgers, a state school, is 13k. You're talking about 9 months of room and board so that's roughly $2k/mo for the Ivy League schools. For two people that would be $4k. So, the extra 4k is to account for medical services and other amenities I guess.